No, guys are not put off by virgins at all. On the contrary, virgins are pretty highly-rated. One of the greatest qualities of a virgin is that there is a much greater chance (not 100% mind you) that they will be disease free. What guys do not like, however, is the prospect of dating a virgin who insists on remaining a virgin until the big day. In other words, the only way you can get any real action is to marry them. It sounds to me like this is what happened. After you told him you were a virgin, he probably did the math and came to the conclusion that he wasn't getting any for a very, very long time. Life is short.
This waiting until marriage philosophy is something I still can't understand, as why someone would want to commit to something as serious as marriage and not take the person out for a little test drive makes very little sense to me.
oooh man...You know that answer is going to pinch a nerve lol. I think being a virgin is wonderful. I wish I was a virgin lol. I dated a guy who was a virgin, and it intimidated me. I didn't want the responsibility of being his first..If that makes sense. Its not your fault, and if you want to wait more power to you. Some people hold themselves to a very high standard. The reason why some may not understand wanting to wait, is because they are driven by their hormonal and biological urges.
Good luck, and don't get discouraged. When your ready your ready. Everyone is different. And as for that guy, sweetie he did you a favor. Most guys will try to lull you with a false sense of security so they can get your goodies. At least he knew to end it.
The reason why some dont want to wait is COMMON SENSE and RATIONALITY.
All of us of course could physically wait. People go through long distance relationships and dont have sex for a while.
I wouldnt stay with a virgin until marriage for the reason that i wouldnt want to be with someone who would only wait until it was time for us to procreate to have sex with me. Sex is a caring thing to me, and I dont need a contract to prove to my partner that I'm committed. I also wouldnt commit to someone FOR LIFE romantically.... if I hadn't ever been romantically intimate. That makes no sense.
To each their own. Some people do it out of religious obligation (my sister is a very conservative christian , he husband was her first . They have been married for 18 years and still going. ) Its old school, and very rare.
Myself personally like I said, I'm no virgin . But I can understand how it could be frustrating to be a virgin, and get dumped simply because you aren't willing to give it up. I'm not saying people who aren't virgins are some how inferior . In her case it's going to take someone who is understanding and patient to be with her.. Most people are not .
I don't mind when people say they want to wait to marriage. As long as they don't go around screaming that everyone else is going to hell for not waiting. I do think it is a good idea, though, to try before marriage; what if he was horrible or you two just didn't click? Do you want to spend the rest of your life is a sexless marriage? *shutter* Anyway, to each his/her own.
I don't mind the idea of people waiting till marriage. Outside of the religious idea of it (which I think is bull, but I'm not religious), I think most girls say it because they want their first to be with someone they trust and love, someone they WANT to be with for the rest of their lives. If a guy is willing to be patient and wait because he loves you THAT much, it really says something about his character. I don't think it means really waiting that long, but if that's your thing, go for it. So to the question asker, don't sweat it; he wasn't the one if he wasn't willing to stick by you for a while, and thus, doesn't deserve your time anyways.
What I do mind is people not living together before marriage. You can work on your sex life and form it into something good with time and patience, but if your personalities don't mesh, that is NOT fixable. You may get along great as a couple, but hate each other once you live together and share bills, food, a bathroom, and a living space in general. So wait as long as you want before having sex, but please, if you ARE waiting till marriage, move in with the guy first.
OMG, did you just suggest Cohabitation with guy before marrying him? Im not a hater sweetheart, but WTF? Why are there SO many women who think like that now? Smart, intelligent women who should SET standards. 50% of couples who cohabitate before marraige will end in divorce. Will end in divorce.
I think cohabitation is fine if the relationship is 5yeasrs plus. BUt My advice is DO NOT cohabitate before marriage. I dont care about the marriage part, but the fact that women are SO willing to move in with their men frightens me. Sweethearts, men who have the cow at home already, who has it good at home already without committing at all to you (im not just talking marraige), will likely cheat.
Not bragging, but most men who hit on me are men who currently live with the girlfriends. Its sad to see the naiveity of these women! HES NOT FOR REAL WITH YOU IF YOU MOVE IN, especially in the first year of dating. Sweetheart, do not live with any men unless its marriage or a long committed relationship already. I see couples who cohabitate and the men cheat out of borden. Do yourself a favor, and get your own place.
I think it's wonderful to wait, but I also don't think of anyone any less if they hadn't. I'm waiting and I'm very proud. And for those who can't understand people like "us", don't try to, there's nothing to figure out. We don't try to figure you out, we accept you as equals. Now give us a break, ok?
I don't intend to wait for marriage, I just haven't had the opportunity to lose my virginity. I got into dating very late compared to my friends, so I haven't dated a lot of people. And I sure as heck am not going to give up to anyone. I want to be sure he isn't just going to ditch me the moment he's got what he wanted from me, but stick around afterwards.
Exactly. I had the opportunity to lose to my virginity a few months ago, but it was with the first guy I'd ever dated. I was late to the dating scene in comparison to my friends as well- and I'm only 22. I wanted to do it with him, in all honesty. But he wasn't willing to commit to me in terms of an actual relationship. I'm not waiting for marriage- but I need to find a guy who respects me enough to be interested in only me & WANT to be in a real relationship... not just no strings attached, casual dating.
Wow. That's exactly me. I've read a few answers saying "why wait?", but you girls said it so well. I never had the opportunity before but my first time is sure as hell not gonna be a random hookup. I've held off till now, I can wait...I'm just looking for a guy that can hang on for a little while until I see he's gonna stick around. And for that matter, if I'm with a guy who's gonna stick around, I would expect it to be serious.. Maybe eventually marriage. I'm hoping to have to only sleep with one man my whole life, something special to share with him. So I'm not waiting for marriage, I'm waiting for the right man, hopefully one who'll be with me forever.
I think a lot of people are waiting to date, and not do it in college. I don't know why not... but I know lots of ladies in your situation who aren't waiting for marriage but of course dont want a one night stand, which is the only thing guys are offering at college it seems. I haven't had sex in months cause my last boyfriend and I broke up a while ago and I dont do that sleeping around thing, and its starting to make me wonder if soemthings wrong with me if guys only want to have sex and not date me. I just try to remind myself they do that with everyone, or at least at my college.
So, don't see the fact that you havent slept with someone as a reflection that you're not attractive....I know you didt say that you do but when I talk to my friends who are virgins thats what they say, and its how i feel if I go to many months without a boyfriend. Good for you for holding out for a respectful guy!
I'm waiting. My virginity is a gift that I want to give to the man who will honor me with a lifetime commitment. I'd want him to know that I trust and love him above and beyond anyone else who's ever been in my life. As for sexual compatibility, another Guyspeak member, Laje Kahr, said some good things here: http://www.guyspeak.com/answers/my-ex-would-always-bother-me-about-having-sex/index.php#comment-8295. Traits that make a person good in bed, like generosity, spontaneity, willingness to learn, and openness to new things, would manifest themselves out of bed, too. Now, I understand that a lot of people don't feel like this, and I definitely don't think I'm better than anyone else. It's just my way of saying to the right one that I think he's worth waiting for. And I don't think I should have to be ashamed or embarrassed about how I express my own sexuality.
I know I want to stay a virgin till marriage. Lord knows if I will, but it would make me happy if I do. My virginity is a precious gift to me to and the man who marries me will be the man good enough for me to give it to him. Like some other girls, I started dating late. Sometimes I'll tell a guy that I want to wait till marriage and they laugh at me, but the boyfriends I've had have supported it.
I don't understand why virgins feel the need to defend themselves all the time...They shouldn't have to! There's nothing wrong with waiting.
I like what Marissa said about people always trying to "figure [virgins] out". Why do you demand that we explain ourselves? Why do you continuously talk about how stupid we are because of our values? We don't do that to you. I don't understand why this annoys so many people. Just....live your own life!
I think it annoys people because in a world where sex sells and EVERYONE is doing it, they wonder if we are fucked up. Answer is no.. we just hold ourselves at a higher level then others. Not saying we act snoby but you get the point.
I myself have been asked once why I haven't had sex with my boyfriend of three years. I flat out said I wasn't ready. Having sex is a matter of if you are ready to do it or not. My boyfriend and I talked about it and he agreed with me. He would wait until I felt I was ready, until then.. we have oral.
that's exactly why some people resent virgins, "We just hold ourselves at a higher level than others".
No you don't. You may think that by treating your puss like a fortress and you are somehow at a higher level, but you're not. Most people who have sex don't do it cause they're just giving into sexual urges and they wish they had more sexual restraint like you people. Regular people have sex because to them its part of a relationship and expression.
One of the main reasons I think people are annoyed at virgins is because they say things like "I have values". UMM WTF does that even mean? Its like saying "there are certain things that I esteem more than others". Cool. Everyone has values, you just have DIFFERENT and possibily religious values. When virgins say "I have values" it implies that people who have sex dont have values... and I'm sorry but i find that rude to imply that.
I have no problems with virgins, I just have problems with virgins who are condescending to the other 95% of people and say things that make it seem like people who have sex are les virtuous. From an ethical standpoint, there's no connection between morality and sex. Its an illusion created by religion. As long as you dont justify your virginity in a way that puts down others who see sex as something thats part of a relationship then I think its fine.
Im a virgin Rach. And AMEN to you! RIght on!
Im a virgin because I havent found the right guy. Im very attractive and honestly I have a bit of a trust issue as well as the fact that I am very vain...lol (somewhat) but to all those virgins who abstain from sex because they have higher values and whatnot....uh PLEASE! Im pretty sure sex changes your persona and view of sex.
I once read a book (i know) that changed how I view sex. Women who abstain from it for a very long time, and experience it for the first time, regret not having had a lover sooner. Its a physical pleasure to admire and take in, one does not have to shun themselves from it! Women who are confident thrives with a wonderful sex life. And still have high values.
well thanks! Lol we were all virgins sometime!
"Women who abstain from it for a very long time, and experience it for the first time, regret not having had a lover sooner."
Not all. I've also met and read about women AND men who wished they could have had their first time with their husband/wife. They testify that sex within the context of a lifetime commitment is so much more powerful that anything they've experienced before, and they regret not waiting for it.
Reading the answers and comments to similar questions here on Guyspeak, I think that both sides of the virginity issue are guilty of being overly defensive and pointing fingers at the other. That's completely unnecessary, and it doesn't do any good. Sex is such an intimate, personal experience that the decision to have or to abstain from it must be an individual's own decision. No one should be pressured to have sex/remain a virgin just because he or she is afraid of being seen as prudish/loose. Your principles should be your own, not imposed by other people. The reverse is also true: don't impose your values upon others.
Lol thanks for the advise! (no i'm not waiting until marrige) but this did make me feel better and realize my ex is a total Douche! so thank you mystery man!
ima virgin and proud.. i survived high school with it(lord knows i've had plenty chances to lose it).. i no im probly not going to wait till marriage but im going to try and keep it for as long as possible.. its a treasure and i wanna give it to the one who will be mine forever..
Hey Lila,
Let me just tell you that I am 27 years old and I am a virgin and I have been dumped by several men once I tell them I was a virgin. And I find it funny because they tell me they had no idea that I could possibly be one. (1.) I'm not a prude. I masturbate and have had oral (2.) I am attractive...I get asked out all the time and strangers tell me I'm beautiful constantly (3.) yes, I do come from a religious family but I do not judge my friends who have had premarital sex. (4.) I'm not necessarily waiting for marriage..I'm waiting for the right guy. Not 5 or 10 maybe so-so guys, but the RIGHT GUY.
The irony of it all is when I tell my girlfriends who have had sex already about this problem, they always tell me "you're not missing anything". And i find it funny that they're no closer to getting married than I am. We live in a society where being sexual is celebrated and refusing to have sex before marriage is now considered "abnormal", "too conservative", "old fashioned", etc. When did holding off on assholes getting at your goodies became old fashioned. It just make sense for someone who doesn't want to deal with that. Finding a suitable partner can take time for virgins and non-virgins alike. Getting dumped by the guy shows that he wasn't a suitable partner for you.
If you choose to have sex before marriage...fine, but it's not a guarantee that you'll find the right guy quicker than the virgin. If you choose to stay a virgin...fine too...but you'll be waiting for the right guy too. Call me sentimental, but I believe there is ONE RIGHT PERSON for all us. Not necessarily a soul mate...but you know what I mean. Virgins just want to skip the premarital sex part and get to the RIGHT GUY to begin fully exploring their sexuality and there's no crime in that. Plus they're abstaining themselves from STDs, unplanned pregnancies, prolonged disappointment, etc. (
And I resent the whole, men looking for an experienced partner bullshit. Lisa, do not let those people brainwash you with that trash. If a man love you, he'll love you for you and not your experiences. Hell, he might even appreciate that you're not that experienced.
PEOPLE, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SEX. Sex is something your mind was programmed to do. Dogs, cats, birds, plants and all living things have sex. Your body was made for sex. You are a product of sex. It's like shitting. No one taught you how to eat or take a shit. You knew you wanted to do it and you did. Sex is just like that...except you can mentally choose the time you'd like to perform that act. Some choose sooner and others later. No one as ever died from not having sex!
When people say, it's about clicking sexually...that's bullshit!!! That's just an excuse to sleep with more people. If sex is not the glue that holds a relationship together and every grown up mature person knows that. Giving up your pussy DOES NOT guarantee a ring on the finger. And I don't care what anyone says....non-virgins want to get married as much as virgins too. Otherwise Vera Wang would be out of business. Sex is the icing on the cake in a relationship. Living on icing alone will make you sick. Men want meaningful relationships too. They're not dying to marry porn stars and prostitutes. They'll fuck them...but marriage (not so much). Of course they want to have their fun and dump the virgins to get to the non-virgin to tend to their "needs"...but meaningless sex gets old for everybody. At the end of the day you want someone to talk to and who loves you and appreciates you. Not someone who's just a good fuck.
So to answer your question...men who are put off by virgins aren't trying to be serious. If a guy dumps you because you're a virgin...it means he just wanted to fuck you. He only wanted that 1% of you which is you vagina. If a man want 100% of you (your mind, your time, your company, your conversation, your companionship, etc.) then HE WON'T DUMP YOU for admitting to being a virgin alone. A healthy relationship ends on grounds that make sense...not nonsense like that.
I'm in the battle with you girlfriend...it's tough..I've cried my tears over this many a time. The truth is no one likes being rejected. But I'm holding out for someone who wants more than just my body. I think we're both discovering that its a hard road...but I'd rather wait and find THE RIGHT GUY...then give it up to tons of guys...only do discover those guys only wanted that 1% of me. Lisa...it's the oldest tale ever told. And it's told for a reason. Once again, no disrespect to the non-virgins.
It only takes ONE good man for you to find that...and I'm sure when you find him...you'll have no regrets, because you'll be having so much fun with him, it won't only be about the sex. It will be about u and him. Good luck :)
PS...my comments in no way insinuate that non-virgins are sluts, pornstars, etc. All I'm trying to say to Lisa is that non-virgins and virgins get dumped for all sorts of reasons. Virgins just get dumped quicker because they actually had the balls to say NO. As for women who are out there to simply enjoy sex...more power to you...and the sky is the limit for you because there are few man alive who will refuse you. Enjoy your life and practice safe sex.
Coming from a religious view, sex is intended for marriage. Its Gods beautiful gift to a married couple.
So the people that say "churches save sex for marriage so they don't get diseases" or "so you don't get pregnant before marriage" are wrong. Well its actually true in some ways, but the when God brought man and women together in marriage, so he can join his wife and become 'one flesh.'
I don't see why you would have to "try someone out" before you marry them. I thought the whole purpose of a marriage is committing yourself because you love the person they are, and you want to be only theirs. So when you're married you enjoy sex because of the pleasure of being with the person you love not because you want their body.
Let me just tell you young people, that there is also going to be more beautiful or more handsome person out there, its just a matter of staying faithful to the person you're with. The number one Key is start having Jesus Christ in your relationship.