Weak? There's nothing weak about standing up for yourself against abusive behavior. And to go through something so difficult alone? All I have to do is type my opinion into a box once a day and I CAN BARELY DO THAT.
It's time for you to get some backup. In situations like this, silence is the enemy and honesty is really the only way to combat his lies (see how readily I took your side, just because you were the one who wrote in? Yay propinquity!).
Tell your close friends and family what happened, honestly. If your parents side with your abusive ex-boyfriend, I'll print this post out and eat it, then write a post about that. The family that won't come together when it really counts--and I'm using the term "family" in the "friends and family, global village, hippie bullshit" sort of way here--is a rare thing indeed.
Abusive behavior isn't cool, and most people know that. You're not weak, and I'm positive there are people in your corner. You just haven't rung the bell yet. So the question you have to ask yourself is: IS IT F$%*ING ON?
You type your opinion into boxes quite admirably, if I may say so myself.
I've SO been there. A few years ago, I showed my ex's mother the bruises he left on me and she STILL blamed me for it when the cops came after him, like I asked for it or something. And because he distanced me from almost all my friends, I pretty much did go through it alone.
One thing I learned through that whole mess: it's never, ever weak to ask for help. If you're uncomfortable with spilling the details, then don't. People will think what they want anyway. However, you might want to consider talking to a therapist and/or DV counseling group. I would say go for both, even if you don't think you need therapy, because domestic violence can really screw with how you see the world, even years after the fact.
Hello, I'm the question asker, and for some inexplicable reason, I'm going to tell my story to whoever is going to stumble upon this comment. You don't have to read it, but I feel like someone should know, anyone. So here you go, guyspeak.
I dated a boy for a little over a year, but it was always tentative, always strange, because he kept me at major arms length. Then, one day, out of the blue, he read my facebook messages to see if I was cheating on him. He revealed to me that he had spent the past year attempting to cultivate something "natural" and not "forced by labels", even going so far as to let me live under the assumption that he was sleeping with other women so that when I chose to sleep with only him (and I did) that it would be a "natural choice not bound by the word boyfriend" I was stunned. STUNNED. He had read my facebook messages to see if I was being true to him, and now, after all of that, after a year of touch and go, after putting me through the Gawain and the Green Knight trials of a relationship, he was now ready to reward me with that commitment I so badly wanted.
I left him. If I stayed I felt like I would have lost all respect for myself, and that's when things turned horrible.
I was horrible. I was a bitch. I ruined him. These were things to be expected, I hurt him, I understood that, but I couldn't understand how after all this time he had so much feeling for me while pushing me away. It seemed normal. Maybe like he was healing. But then, weeks later, it got worse, and worse. However, at that point, I had already gotten a job that required me to move back to the town that I had left when I left him. My ex offered me his place in the house (he had been desperate to move out for months) I accepted. Then came the night I was supposed to move in.
I'm not going to get too into the specifics (which seems hilarious at this point, as I am writing an essay), but he was drunk at the house when he should have been moved out hours ago. All I can say is that I am thankful that his roommate (I guess my roommate now) was there that night, because after hours of paranoid and obsessive ranting and arguments, even going so far as to get me away from the other people in the house to ask me about my relationship with the roommate (nothing but friendship) he punched the wall next to me and stormed away, only to grill my roommate on the matter later. At this point, I thought if I went to bed he would maybe lose interest, but that only made him decide to grab something sharp and storm downstairs with the intent to stab me, the only thing that stopped him from doing it was my roommate slowing him down long enough for me to escape the room. I ended up sleeping/hiding in the basement, with the roommate bringing me my keys and telling me to leave as soon as I could. Unfortunately, I overslept and was awoken to my ex asking me why I hated him so much while he held a broken beer bottle to his wrist, asking me if I wanted to see blood. He raised a hand to me but backed down as soon as I yelled "don't you ever raise a hand to me, EVER."
Long story still kind of long. That's what happened. I went to the police and filed the report, they pushed for me to get a restraining order but I refused because the idea of facing him in court terrified me. Getting a restraining order would probably make him hurt me. Probably.
The scariest part is that he only showed that craziness to me, the roommate, and one other person. To everyone else he is sane as mud, albiet devastated by my horrible and sudden leaving of him. I am a bitch to most people at this time, I'm losing friends and with the notable exception of those two people, I am an island.
So I hope a few people read this. I hope they don't think I'm crazy.
He sounds kinda schizo to me. Normal people don't do shit like that. He could also be a sociopath; those fools charm everyone around them, but essentially have no conscience. What happened to you is NOT acceptable.
You don't necessarily have to go to court for a R/O. My attorney handled mine; I never had to go to court. Some attorneys will handle your case on a sliding scale, payment plan or even pro bono; ask around. Tell them you're afraid of your ex and his violent temper and see what they can do for you.
I still stand by the therapy thing. Trust me, you need all the support you can get!
All my love to you, girl. You didn't do anything to deserve this.
I've gone through something much like this, possibly even worse. I think that your first priority should be taking care of yourself- don't fret about your friends picking sides just yet. Your true friends would never abandon you without hearing your side of the story. If they would, then they weren't really your friends. It isn't a war or a contest right now- let him not exist, just focus on you. Moving on is the best thing you can do right now.
And besides, you know what they say about living well being the best revenge? Don't let him destroy your relationships with others or your chances for happiness. He mustn't have that kind of power. Just get yourself to a good place, and while he's still being an unstable psychopath alienating people somewhere (and he will alienate them- someone like that can't hide their nature forever), you'll be totally together and over it, the whole thing becoming an amusing anecdote, nothing more. (And yeah, I know that that's idealistic, but it's important to think of yourself as the strong person that you are).
If it makes you feel any better, a friend of mine moved to another city a couple of years back with her BF, whom I got along with famously. He was kind and nerdy, funny and easy-going, and we became friends. Eventually I heard that they had broken up. When she came to visit next, she told me about all the horrible things he had done to her. I'm not usually one to judge based on hearsay, but, as per her request, I de-friended him on facebook and never had any contact with him again, as did the rest of her friends. None of us could believe that such a sweet guy was capable of such things, but I could believe that my friend was lying about it even less. Your friends will stick by you. Rest assured.