I saw my boyfriends inbox & it was full of convos with women dating back to the 1st(4 yrs 2gether) yr in our relationship.It said he wanted to make luv to them & would leave me if they wanted him. He says he didnt do anything with them & it was only entertainment.Should he have a 2nd chance? Is it considered cheating?
Dan Seitz answered this question on
January 27, 2012 1:25 PM
The only thing he deserves is a kick to the groin.
Let's say he didn't do anything with them, which is not a safe assumption. He was still saying profoundly hurtful things to women you didn't know, and trying to cheat. Oh, and let's not forget, he was hurting their feelings for "entertainment."
Dump this guy like the garbage he is.
I agree with Dan....Emotional cheating IS cheating, if you are in an (what you thought was) exclusive relationship.
Though he could argue (like my now EX) that he "didn't do anything", I think it's actually MORE harmful than going out one night, getting plastered with his buddies and screwing someone. THAT would be a "one time loss of consciousness, intoxicated mistake".
This sexting with these girls isn't just aimless flirting...it is pre-meditated, (planned and thought out) with obvious intention to act on things without regard for your committed relationship.
If he brushes it off (as my ex did) as harmless play, and saying ..."what??!!! but I never DID anything with anyone"...it is clear that he doesn't see it as wrong, and will continue doing it, even if he swears off it for a while to appease you.
Could he turn around and institute "monk like behavior" and swear off other girls forever? Maybe. But sorry, not likely.
Good luck.
yep, there are soooo many things wrong with this one, where to start. second chance?!? looks like he's already taken a few of those for himself without asking. he's actually said he would leave you for them. that alone would stop this relationship in its tracks for me. this WILL happen again, even if he finds out you know about it. i almost wanna say especially if he finds out, because he knows you will let him get away with it. wake up and smell the douchebag and show him that you know your worth. otherwise, no matter what you do from here on out, you will never trust him again. even if you forgive and say that you do. you just won't. sorry this happened to you, good luck.
Get rid of this scum bag quick!! My ex was constantly online having wildly inappropriate conversations with men and women! He swore he never actually did anything or even met with any of them, but the trust was broken beyond repair!
You should find somebody that understands how to be faithful!
Holy shit on a shingle. Reading things like this question and the comments makes me realize just how much worse my life could be. Excuse me while I go count my blessings...
(btw, that's not a jab at any of you ladies; I'm sorry all of you went through such shit and hope it never happens again. Things like this just remind me that my relationships haven't been as big of FAILs as I sometimes think haha)
Why be with a man who doesn't want to be with you?
He said he will leave you if they want him back? Come on now, you are a smart woman. You can't put him as the first person in your life when you are only one of his options.
HE DOES NOT WANT YOU. Sad, but true. He only has you as a fall back. If they want him, he will leave you right away. But if they don't, he will just kill time with you.
Yep, just killing time with you. Then, he will leave you sooner or later. So, why not be the one who leave him and tell him to go suck his own penis. He no longer deserve the amazing BJ from you from now on.
Got to Home Depot, build a bridge, and get over it.
It will be hard, but it will get better every day. You can do it.
My boyfriend was talking to his married ex the entire time we were in a relationship. When I found out, I gave him a second chance. It was so stupid of me, and I will always regret it. The one thing I did learn though, is when someone SHOWS you who they are, even if they have a million excuses, BELIEVE it and believe that they won't change.
Everyone loves to tell other people to leave relationships, be lonely , hope someone else is better, and keep walking away at even the whiff of something he THOUGHT about doing, maybe thinking about it and venting stopped him doing it for real, who knows. All I know is that there is acommunity that bay for blood in the facade of care, dump his ass and be alone again while the ones that told you to dump him are rejoicing in their vitriol, they dont say go to a relatoinship counsellor, or fight to stay together, dump him and throw away all you worked for because his thoughts were not pure all the time? Pah, misery loves company it seems from these other posters...