Stop being so shady. Seriously, you're totally sketchy. Here's the truth: you don't get to have this boyfriend back. Other women deserve a happy ending. Not you. Love needs to be out in the open. It's like a pretty, pretty flower that needs the bright, lovely sun.
Secrets are generally buried bodies. Or extra nipples. Or hulking mutant man-children who live in basements full of chains and dry wells.
You should try working on finding a boyfriend who isn't a "secret."
I honestly don't even know what you mean by "secretly" dating a guy on and off. And I find it annoying. I'm trying to understand though. Are you saying you were cheating with this dude? Is "secret dating" the nice way of saying "I'm a cheating harlot?" I am no paragon of virtue. I have handled brittle hearts carelessly before, like a drunk hobo juggling light bulbs. They drop, explode, and I shrug. But at least when I've been a snake in the past, I owned up to my dirtbaggery. Never strutted when I should slither.
You are talking about cheating, right? Were you a secret to him? Did he know you two were dating? Did you stalk him? Because that never works out well, especially for the stalker. Sadzville.
You broke it off. Trust your instincts, and your first impulses here. You broke it off, and maybe you're having a little regret. Second thoughts. That is natural.
Let that pass, like gas. You said "it was unhealthy." Listen to yourself. It sounds like your ego has gotten the best of you. He got a girlfriend. Good for him. He's moving on. You should to. Here's a secret that everybody but you knows: the both of you are probably better off without the other.
Secretly Dating= I didn't tell my friends I was seeing him because they didn't approve of his behavior (fights, drugs, and intense personality). On top of that, he was hooking up with my good friend when I was out of the country and not interested in him. We were friends for 4 years before anything happened and he was always interested in me. I was never interested in him due to his behavior/personality so I was in denial when I started to like him. He wanted to date but I discouraged it because I didn't want to admit to my friends and the girl he used to hook up with. I'm sorry, secretly dating was the only phrase I could come up with to describe this complicated tumultuous relationship I was in.
Based on your description of him, it sounds like you made the right decision. Don't second guess yourself. Every time you start to have regrets, just recall how uncomfortable you felt when he was high and getting into fights. Then think about how scared and embarrased his new girlfriend must feel during those moments, especially since their relationship is public. Do you really want to switch places with her? If I were you, I'd say a prayer for her rather than wish to be in her shoes.
The thing is that since you found out he has a gf u want him back, maybe its just a jealousy thing. you broke it off and he moved on as sad as it is, its your loss.
Definitely sounds like jealousy. "Grass is greener" type cliche moment. I'd say more her gain. Seriously "fights, drugs, and intense personality" sounds like a winning combination for dysfunction, regrets and scars (emotional and physical).
Take this time to Really truly think about your motivation behind this ? You deserve a partner that respect you and love you and is there for you 100% of the time. Until you recognize why you even Want this kind of relationship, you will continue the same patterns. Trust me for personal experience, once I recognized my weaknesses I started to work on them and have grown from them. Do you only Want him because you can't have him now ? Therfore its a "safe" relationship where you don't have to be get truly intimate and vulnerable ?