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Mystery Man

 
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i see sex as a very intimate activity. my bf and i were broken up at the time and he had sex with another girl and he told me it was just sex. no more than that. is that possible? guys don't get attached? how can i understand what he's talking about?

Oh yes, very possible! Guy's are very good at having sex with no emotional attachments whatsoever. I think this is the reason why god created prostitutes, and no surprise most of their clients are men.

The thing is, man's sole reason for being on earth is to procreate. It's our biological imperative. In order for men to sow as much seed as they can, they need to be able to quickly and effeciently have sex with as many women as they can, with no attachments so they can move on to the next. This doesn't mean he's not capable of being in love and being intimate and all that, just that it's usually pretty easy for men to have sex without any feelings.

As to why it's harder for women to do the same, your guess is as good as mine.

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9 Comments

Jlove

Its due to biology. MM is right, biologically men are programmed to spread their seed. They have millions upon millions of sperm for them who cares if you throw them around, you'll always have more.So its possible to have sex without intimacy for some( don't want to blanket them all). They don't have to stick around and raise a child if one is conceived.

For woman its different biologically. You only have so many eggs, you can't be pregnant just by anybody. You'll be stuck with the kid for nine months, and don't want to be left alone to raise it yourself.

Thats the biological explanation. What your looking for is an emotional one. You have to figure out if you can get over your bf sleeping with someone else why you weren't together. I think you should cut him some slack since you weren't together. But this is a decision you need to make for yourself. Because if you can't get over it, the relationship has no hope.

So good luck to you!

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Well said!

Barbados

"why it's harder for women to do the same"

I think when women were created, we were given the man's helping of emotions as well as our own. That is why most of us can't help attaching some sort of emotion (good, bad, or indifferent) to every aspect of our lives.

For me, making love is an intimate and emotional act everytime, where we not only share our bodies, but the very essence of who we are. Sometimes it is an emotional experience for my guy and sometimes it's just sex - I get that, so it doesn't bother me either way. But when it is just sex for him, it doesn't mean he doesn't love me any less; it's just a more physical act than an emotional one for him that time. And although, I'm not a guy, I'm pretty sure it's the same no matter who you are with.

I agree with Jlove here, cut your ex some slack - he is, after all, being a guy and doing what he was designed to do.

ptk

Ok, curiosity question here - If a guy has unemotional sex with a girl, does his chances of it becoming an emotional act increase the more frequent he has sex with that girl, or it is pretty much an ON/OFF switch everytime?

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i've been with guys who climed that if I did it with them they would date me. Others who got nice with me then split once they got sex. Just because you do it with a guy 100 times doesn't mean he's going to fall in love or anything like that. To him it's just an easy place to have sex without having to deal with 'the emotions of women' that can put up a barrier between him and sex.

That's not to say that over time he may come to love you as a person, but from what I know most guys who aren't ready to settle down will go where the sex flows free without attachments.

juicebox07

This question could have been written by me a year ago. I was in the situation. My boyfriend and I were split at the time, and he had sex with another girl. (His sisters best friend, so it wasn't like a random chick that he would never see again). I was really upset. I've since gotten over it because he told me that it only felt right with me. I don't believe in casual sex either. It's unfortunate that he doesn't feel the same way, but what can you do? Most guys are wired that way.

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First of all, not ALL men are capable of having meaningless sex. Some actually do become emotionally invested even if the sex is casual. And many women are capable of having sex without any emotional entangements. It just depends on the individual. I hate all these BS biological explanations, it just sounds like an excuse for men to cheat or be slutty in my opinion. Well the reality is that women cheat just as much as men do, although maybe the reasons are different. So yes it is possible that your bf was not emotionally attached to the girl he was with. I think that the bigger question is: do you see this as a negative character trait in him? And are you more easily able to get over him sleeping with someone else if he was not emotionally invested? Or does it make you lose respect for him?

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God didn't create prostitutes......

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he did actually albeit indirectly...

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