Yep, you are looking for trouble. Specifically, he's going to dump you for being paranoid and untrustworthy. Why do you feel the need to snoop on him? Has he ever done anything even remotely suspicious? Or are you just paranoid? This has got to stop before you lose him over nothing.
Clearly, you have some trust issues. So let's address that. Talking to a therapist could definitely help. There are probably some deep-seated trust issues that have nothing to do with your boyfriend; issues that, if left unresolved, will ruin every relationship you'll ever have. Examine the reasons behind your trust issues. Were you hurt in a past relationship? Do they stem from your family? Right now, you are projecting them on to your boyfriend who (I assume) loves you and is 100% faithful. That is a huge problem.
Also, you're going to get caught. You're not Matt Damon in The Bourne Supremacy, covering your tracks at every turn while spying on your evil C.I.A. bosses. At some point he's going to catch on to your snooping and things will get messy.
You should also talk to your boyfriend about this. Come clean about the snooping and tell him that you have a problem. Tell him that you trust him, but that snooping is like a compulsion. Once your snooping is out in the open, there will be no going back. Hopefully he loves you enough to realize that you have problems with trust that go beyond your relationship and will get you the help you need.
Every relationship is a leap of faith-- we have to trust that the person who says that they love us and would never cheat on us will actually be true to their word. For whatever reason, you have zero faith in your man. If you cannot make that leap, you will never be content in any relationship. Have faith that every man isn't a creep with a laundry list of mistresses on speed dial. Most of us are worth trusting.
Clearly, you have some trust issues. So let's address that. Talking to a therapist could definitely help. There are probably some deep-seated trust issues that have nothing to do with your boyfriend; issues that, if left unresolved, will ruin every relationship you'll ever have. Examine the reasons behind your trust issues. Were you hurt in a past relationship? Do they stem from your family? Right now, you are projecting them on to your boyfriend who (I assume) loves you and is 100% faithful. That is a huge problem.
Also, you're going to get caught. You're not Matt Damon in The Bourne Supremacy, covering your tracks at every turn while spying on your evil C.I.A. bosses. At some point he's going to catch on to your snooping and things will get messy.
You should also talk to your boyfriend about this. Come clean about the snooping and tell him that you have a problem. Tell him that you trust him, but that snooping is like a compulsion. Once your snooping is out in the open, there will be no going back. Hopefully he loves you enough to realize that you have problems with trust that go beyond your relationship and will get you the help you need.
Every relationship is a leap of faith-- we have to trust that the person who says that they love us and would never cheat on us will actually be true to their word. For whatever reason, you have zero faith in your man. If you cannot make that leap, you will never be content in any relationship. Have faith that every man isn't a creep with a laundry list of mistresses on speed dial. Most of us are worth trusting.
this is good advice but its kinda easier said than done, I myself have an issue with snooping with just about everyone im close with and that is because I myself have major trust issues ... sad to know i need to see a therapist -_-
Or maybe just try to trust people. If his actions seem trustworthy, give him the benefit of the doubt. Otherwise you're going to drive away the people you love.
And I agree that there are signs of cheating. But there's a difference between being alert to signs and watching him like a hawk 24/7.
i've seen many girlfriends of mine being cheated by their bfs and these poor girls have never had trust issues. They let their bfs/partners/husbands do everything they like anytime anywhere but turned out to being betrayed/cheated. if we snoop we ruin the relationship if we don't men will take things for granted resulting us to go snooping on them. i just give up!
Heres my take. There is such a thing called, "A red flag". If your man is coming home with lipstick that ain't your shade on him, chances are you should be suspicious... I don't think we have to go into a relationship out and out paranoid. You have to trust.. But if the mofo is smelling like someone else, mysterious text messages, or better yet someone has indisputable evidence that he is up to no good then you have a right to feel worried... I mean, if theres an issue with trust, why not just confront him about it. Don't go behind his back....
Excellent advice ;)
My ex was having emotional affiars and I found out by accident he left the computer chat open after going to bed. I started snooping after and it was like an addiction. I would look at the phone and any chance i got take a look then he would start deleting conversations. I should have ended it when I found out about the first one. I didn't. It happened again, and he says I didn't sleep with her so I was cheating. Lots of people don't see this as cheating. I do just sleeping with someone is one thing building a relationship with them is a whole different issue.
Gosh that sucks even more... That would drive me crazy, to think he was having an emotional affair with someone. Its just as bad...
I think when you come across that shit... Yeah you didn't exactly go out of your way to find it... I think eventually the truth always comes to the surface.... We don't have to dig up their dirt..
Thats the scary thing about technology... New and more ways to cheat on someone :( I think theres a statistic, something like 80% of the women on your guys facebook friends list are chicks he has either slept with, or wants to sleep with..... What a menacing thought (I am sure you can say that for women, it goes both ways... ) ....
Either you are insecure or your woman's intuition is telling you that he is playing on you. So, either way, you need to sit back and really think about his actions and the way he treats you. Does he call when he says he will?, Do you see him often?, Does he treat you with respect? Does he answer the phone when you are around and talk on the phone with you there? Does he take you out on dates? Has he bought new underwear? Has he started working out or working out more? Has his behavior towards you changed for the worse? Does he enhance your life or bring you down? These are just a few questions that you can ask yourself. Usually, when men are playing you, there are signs, even if they are subtle. If you believe it is from insecurity, see a therapist or at the least get some good "Self-Help" books.
I have a huge problem with this too. Once I accidentally saw a message that he sent to another girl on facebook telling her that her pictures were hot and ever since then I haven't been able to stop checking up on what he's doing. I really have no doubt that he's never cheated on me, but sometimes he says things to other girls that I find very inappropriate. He says he doesn't mean anything by his comments and that I need to trust him. But now it's like the seed has been planted and I just keep waiting to find something that's going to put me over the edge enough to break things off with him. I was never like this before that one incident (with him or any past relationships) which makes it all the more frustrating!
Girl what ever you do do not tell him you have been snooping. Again do not tell him that. What he doesn't know wont hurt him. But if he finds out he will assume you are psycho even though a lot of us snoop. So here is the reality, most people are at least inappropriate when not being watched. I have a firm no cheat policy but I flirt some times. What you need to do is make peace with the possibility of him doing something you would not appreciate because that is life. From there he could only go up.
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Coming from experience, snooping does nothing but destroy a relationship. I've had, and still have problems with snooping always "looking for something", and when you're looking for something, in your mind you will find ways to see it as him flirting or cheating on you. But more times than not, you feel like a complete jackass after doing it and find nothing. Me and my boyfriend of two and half years almost called it quits because it got so out of hand. That little window of opportunity to snoop? Don't do it. Just don't.You'll be thanking yourself in the long run. Have self control and have faith in the other person that they're not doing you wrong. If you don't have faith or trust in a relationship and this kind of thing continues, you'll be hurting yourself and lose a relationship out of an insecurity. Trust me when I say, STOP yourself, think before you act on these impulses and learn to trust. It isn't worth it! The truth will eventually surface if he is doing something.
Thanks for your comment Ashley..ive been having big issues with snooping i get so emotional and i can't function I'm always thinking he is doing something behind my back and that got worst after he cheated on me..i was accusing him then of cheating and he wasn't.We almost broke up after he confess but he wanted us to work things out..and i can see that he change a lot..he no longer goes out comes home early picks up my calls all the time if he is out ..but i still don't trust him so that is why i snoop arroung i even record him when i go to work to see if he talks to other woman..this is so bad i know..but after reading the last post from Ashley i think i feel i can stop i was looking for an answer and i found it...and yes if he is doing something the truth will come out.I need to concentrate on my life! Thanks so much for saving me tonight...im tired of this lifestyle it's pathetic..you can't control someone by snooping on them..people will do what they want no matter what...just have to pray that GOD will protect your heart as well...thanks!!!