I'd say just phase it out over email. He'll get the idea. You've never met in person. Why lay the "I'm just not into you" speech on him already? If he doesn't take the hint and keeps calling, then you can give him the usual "I'm just too busy right now, and also my great aunt Hortense suddenly passed so I sadly cannot meet you for Pinkberry and a movie" spiel.
I've experienced this before. You get caught up in the excitement of the written word, like two old-timey lovers writing to each other during the war. (Though you're actually just sitting at your computer in your PJs with your cat and a half eaten Cup o' Noodles.) Then you actually talk on the phone, or meet up, and there's nothing. The best solution for this, as I mentioned recently, is to get offline (or off the phone) as fast as possible. A week, ten days at the most. And go easy on the life story emails and 3-hour marathon phone calls before you meet. Keep some mystery for the actual date. The more mystery, the more potential for chemistry and surprise.
But, yes, just slowly phase him out and move on to the next online conquest. Life is full of enough rejection; why should he have to get the slow-burn phone blow-off from someone he barely knows? People get too hung up on online relationships before actually meeting in person. You don't owe him anything at this point. A friendly email saying you're busy right now and don't really have time to get together should suffice if you're worried about his feelings. But, honestly, I think you can just let it phase itself out. He's a big boy (presumably) and can hopefully take a hint. And if all else fails, feel free to use that Aunt Hortense excuse.
I've experienced this before. You get caught up in the excitement of the written word, like two old-timey lovers writing to each other during the war. (Though you're actually just sitting at your computer in your PJs with your cat and a half eaten Cup o' Noodles.) Then you actually talk on the phone, or meet up, and there's nothing. The best solution for this, as I mentioned recently, is to get offline (or off the phone) as fast as possible. A week, ten days at the most. And go easy on the life story emails and 3-hour marathon phone calls before you meet. Keep some mystery for the actual date. The more mystery, the more potential for chemistry and surprise.
But, yes, just slowly phase him out and move on to the next online conquest. Life is full of enough rejection; why should he have to get the slow-burn phone blow-off from someone he barely knows? People get too hung up on online relationships before actually meeting in person. You don't owe him anything at this point. A friendly email saying you're busy right now and don't really have time to get together should suffice if you're worried about his feelings. But, honestly, I think you can just let it phase itself out. He's a big boy (presumably) and can hopefully take a hint. And if all else fails, feel free to use that Aunt Hortense excuse.
Nothing says "I'm not interested" like placing somebody on a block list. If you just stop talking to him, most guys will take the hint.
I was completely in love with a guy I worked with who was my dream man in writing - funny, interesting, intelligent, flirtatious, etc. On the phone, he was the complete opposite. Our conversations were painfully awkward, but I never wanted the IM's and emails to end. Sigh. Such a bummer when that happens.
Since I have public place issues (that I really am working on) I usually use the internet to get dates. I know how this is. It's best to just stop talking to them. They'll get the hint unless they are thickheaded. Otherwise just use cousin Joe the police officier instead of Aunt Hortense if things get creepy.
Why can't she just up-front say she's not interested anymore?
"I just don't think it's gonna work out. Sorry, but that's how I feel."
If he's a thinking adult, he should be able to handle that.
Or does that encourage the creep in people?
Good advice, but boo on Aunt Hortense excuse. I realize it's tongue-in-cheek, but anything that says "Sorry, things are just crazy right now" leaves the door open for "...but maybe when things quiet down we could give it a shot" (especially if the other person is really into you, which means they'd be willing to give you a bit of time). If you aren't interested, say so and let the poor guy move on.
No point in meeting the guy if you aready don't feel it. You wouldnt him to do that to you. so I'd say just stop responding to him and don't lead him on. practice good Love karma..you reap what you sow.
i have the same problem at times but this one guy hardly emails me long messages he wants to meet and prefers to get to know me in person so that we both can see who is pretending or who isnt and now i think thats pretty cool of him. i thought he was just being hard
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