That largely depends on what you mean by "all the time." In the interest of helping you figure this thing out, I'm going to admit something I don't think most guys would: I watch gay porn too, on occasion.
Sexual orientation is a spectrum, and people fall all along it. I for example, though I've never thought of myself as gay, been attracted to a man, or seriously considered doing anything gay-ish, am not above appreciating a video of one dude just totally destroying another dude.
I have no idea why, and I'm not in that mood that often...maybe my porn-shocked senses are just so numbed that the change of scenery is refreshing. Maybe "straight" and "gay" are too confining. I've never really questioned it.
Now, the question is really where your hubby falls on the spectrum. If he's really looking at gay porn "all the time," and/or not been showing you attention in the bedroom, yeah, maybe it's time to have a heart to heart. Because yes, married men can also be gay. And it sucks, because not being able to express who you are sexually is nearly as painful as knowing that expression is going to hurt someone you love (that'd be you).
If you've got the emotional stamina, bring it up. It'll be painful, but not addressing it now is just asking for more hurt down the road, especially if kids enter the equation. And remember, counseling is your friend in situations like these, especially if your husband is having strong homosexual urges and feels the need to hide them. There WILL be a lot to work through, and it's a lot tougher on your own.
Good luck, and sorry to hear you're in such a tight spot.
Standing ovation for being secure enough to admit to occasional gay porn consumption (I mean, in relevant context).
Porn preference is a funny thing. I don't indulge that often, but when I do it's usually about equal between girl-on-girl and guy-on-girl (I'm a straight girl). But I've never been even slightly interested in watching guy-on-guy.
Yeah it is funny, I'm in the same boat as SmR. I am a straight girl, have only dated men, never met a woman I wanted to date, and yet I watch either girl-girl or guy-girl porn, but never guy-guy porn.
I think Swaim pretty much said all that could be said. :-)
Yes, married men can also be gay. My father left my mom (and his two kids) after 25 years of marriage for a dude.... most likely these men refuse to believe they're gay from the very beginning or don't wanna admit it and rather choose to get married, hoping the homosexual desires / feelings disappear with time.
Don't worry, it's nothing u did or didn't do that made him bi or gay, but if you can't fulfill his needs he will find somebody that can aka another guy. Gay porn will not always be enough for him and eventually he will cheat. If I was you I would propose a threesome with your husband and some other guy or if he's the 'catcher' type, try a strap-on or dildo (if you are comfortable with it... I wouldn't blame you if you weren't).
Either way you have to confront him with it and deal with it together as a couple. Maybe he has other solutions or ideas but didn't know how to tell you....
Either way you guys have to find a solution, even if it is splitting up because I have seen the pain and damage it can cause to a woman being left by her husband after many years of marriage for another man.
Good luck!
I am about to do some confessing tonight. I am a straight woman. I am so in love with the penis. And seeing two guys go at it, is strangely erotic. Girl on girl does nothing but gross me out unless there is another guy somewhere in the picture. But sometimes I like to watch two guys. Go figure. Anyways, my experience tells me that if all you find on a guy's computer is gay male porn, hubby has a huge secret and it's better that you get this out in the open now so you both can be authentic in your lives then to wait years down the road.
Good luck!
-nervously pulls at collar- eeks. What a doosie, this is.
I think that Swaim really hit it on the head with his answer. Gay porn can be erotic, effing hilarious, and to some, downright disgusting. To each his own..but I don't think it is necessarily fair to automatically assume your husband is gay (granted, most people would). I think it would be best to bring it up in a very calm, caring way. Being accusatory would not help anything/one in this situation.
Good luck, let us know the outcome.
I'm a straight girl and I watch girl-girl porn much of the time. This is usually my preference because most time guy-girl porn isn't much of turn on for me (heterosexual porn is like clothes off (if any) to sex in 0 to 60 which doesn't turn me on much plus all that emphasis on blow jobs and anal). I guess its because most porn out there is geared towards men. I feel a lot of straight guys don't admit to watching gay porn or being turned on by men (applause to swaim for admitting this). I don't think the kind of porn you watch defines your sexual orientation. You cannot automatically say your husband is gay because he watches gay porn. Definitely have a talk to figure out the truth.
Oh my gosh! Go swaim for admitting that! I wish more guys would admit something like that! That's so cool how you watch it...I don't know why its cool, but just the fact of you admitting it, is kinda awesome.
Have you asked him about it ? I watch women-on- women porn and it's a turn on for me but I am not a lesbian. I am also comfortable enough to talk to my boyfriend about it. You should be too.
Wow...I thought Michael Swaim is a Funny Guy...but he seems serious about this one. Nice advice.
Yes kudos for admitting to that Swaim in the interest of helping. I would defintely talk to your husband, but try not to worry just yet. I'm a straight woman but have watched pretty much everything. I'm really into two guys together and in truth there is a whole sub-culture for it in Japan. All you have to do is attend an anime convention and you'll run into someone (mainly girls) who love yaoi (guy on guy). I've gotten into it so much I've actually written fan-fiction from various shows and films. Saying all of this I'm still very much attracted to men and look forward to exploring all of my kinky sides.
Im a straight guy i watch all porn sometimes even gay porn no anal tho just blowjobs if its two guys. But I have no problem admiting.
Straight guy here, it's funny but I watch guy/guy and girl/girl porn but NEVER watch guy/girl porn (maybe on occasion).