Secretary, the movie where James Spader spanks Maggie Gyllenhaal for like a hour and a half? Yeah, he's definitely into S&M. That strikes me as more of a dominant/submissive movie, but I guess that's a pretty short jump to bondage.
Tell him you're interested, but you want to take it slow. Everything I've ever heard about BDSM (bondage, discipline, and sadomasochism) is that it's entirely about trust and the safety of your partner. You don't tie up your partner to hurt them; you do it for their pleasure. That seems to be the common misconception about bondage and S&M-- it's about the person being tied up (or spanked), not the one doing the tieing (or spanking). Your boyfriend should be thinking completely about your safety and comfort above all else.
You might want to try what they call "light bondage"-- being tied up loosely with scarves as opposed to, say, big scary metal handcuffs. Also, definitely have a "safeword," ie, the word you say when you want him to stop. Remember that it's basically roleplaying-- you're planning out what you want to do beforehand in the name of safety. But instead of saying "I'll be a Level Four Paladin with an Elven broadsword," you're telling him that you want to be slowly tied up and then caressed softly from head to toe until you can no longer stand it.
There are plenty of books on bondage and S&M, and tons of information online. Try looking up some info on different types of bondage together and seeing what interests you. If something seems too scary or painful, don't do it. Remember this should be fun for both of you. Explore slowly together, and you might find something you're both into. And watch Secretary together. It's a good movie, and may provide some ideas for roleplaying.
Tell him you're interested, but you want to take it slow. Everything I've ever heard about BDSM (bondage, discipline, and sadomasochism) is that it's entirely about trust and the safety of your partner. You don't tie up your partner to hurt them; you do it for their pleasure. That seems to be the common misconception about bondage and S&M-- it's about the person being tied up (or spanked), not the one doing the tieing (or spanking). Your boyfriend should be thinking completely about your safety and comfort above all else.
You might want to try what they call "light bondage"-- being tied up loosely with scarves as opposed to, say, big scary metal handcuffs. Also, definitely have a "safeword," ie, the word you say when you want him to stop. Remember that it's basically roleplaying-- you're planning out what you want to do beforehand in the name of safety. But instead of saying "I'll be a Level Four Paladin with an Elven broadsword," you're telling him that you want to be slowly tied up and then caressed softly from head to toe until you can no longer stand it.
There are plenty of books on bondage and S&M, and tons of information online. Try looking up some info on different types of bondage together and seeing what interests you. If something seems too scary or painful, don't do it. Remember this should be fun for both of you. Explore slowly together, and you might find something you're both into. And watch Secretary together. It's a good movie, and may provide some ideas for roleplaying.
I love that movie! You're lucky you have a guy that's interested in it too. My last boyfriend looked at me like I was crazy when I asked him to be rough with me. Nothing too intense, just a tighter grip on me sometimes and maybe a little spanking ;)
Anyways, have fun!
I think our Chic Geek has the right idea. I don't know what your bedroom antics are like right now, but when he kisses you - really kisses you tell him to grab a handful of your hair, just at the back of your head. If the lightbulb doesn't go off over his... Ask if he was a Boy Scout. Ask if he learned any good knots.
Don't ask in the heat of things. Ask during movies or while driving. "Have you ever been spanked?" "Do you ever think about me crawling on the floor, like Maggie?" "If I were all tied up, what would you do to me?"
Silk scarves and neckties are a great way to start with the bondage, and his best tool for "domination" is at the end of his arm. Light spanking, tickling, pinching, caressing; the hand is very versatile. If you like what's going on and want to keep going, a quick search on the web can uncover a lot of territory. Actually, look for a BDSM check list. It's an interesting place to have your eyes opened to the possibilites and if each of you complete one and then trade for reading over, and discussing, you may broaden some horizons you had no idea existed. But you have to be honest, you have to be understanding, and you have to be able to say "No." Try very hard to not be judgmental. If you read over the checklist and there are things on it that completely freak you out, think about how you will react if your boyfriend really wants to try it. This is a domain that once you know, you cannot un-know. My partner still teases me about something that interests me - but I'm also into humiliation, so that's okay :)
A safe word is a good idea. And your safe word should be short and completely unrelated to what you are doing. A very common one is "Red." And that safe word ends it - it is the kill switch. Everything ends. I also have a "what you are doing is uncomfortable/annoying/boring; please do something differently" word, just because sometimes I don't want him to stop outright, but dammit, he can't keep doing "that."
I have gone way beyond your question, but I fell hard and fast into this from a little hair pulling and a spank every now and again. I think more knowledge is better, especially when someone can get hurt.
Have fun!
LMAO ELVEN BROADSWORD;)
Love it, CG:)
If you do get into bondage (and heck, why not?), be careful how tight the ties are. Circulation loss and nerve damage are real bad, but also easy to avoid if you loosen the tie when you have pain or numbness. You don't need to tie super tight to be tied securely. As an analogy, a wristwatch is going to stay on your wrist no matter what, but you could never take it off and it wouldn't damage your hand. You can safely be tied tighter than that, of course, but there are limits.
Always have a way out. If you're using cuffs, your partner should always have the key on his person, not buried in a drawer. If you're using rope, have trauma shears right there, not "Well, they're around here somewhere." Panic because there's a fire or your mother drops by or whatever is not hot, and that's when you won't be able to remember where you put the damn things.
I don't want to be all scary safety officer here, but y'know, shit happens. Taking some pretty simple precautions makes it easier to trust your partner, and good BDSM needs trust.
I highly recomend the book "screw the roses, send me the thorns" it was recomended to us as the "bondage bible" and while a little dated is full of tips and tricks for every level of interest.