In my heroic and celebrated sex life this has happened to me twice. Yes, both times were humiliating - to me, to the girl and to my dear penis.
But both times were because I was trying to will myself to get sexy with someone I probably shouldn't have been with in the first place. No, not because it was a farm animal or my best friend's wife, but simply because I wasn't all that attracted to her, didn't click with her on any emotional basis and was just trying to get laid for lay-sake.
Here's the deal: The penis is like George Washington. It cannot tell a lie.
If it's really not feeling it - it will let you know. Usually by shriveling up or just playing dumb. The more you try to force it on him, the more likely he will retreat and get pissed. "Screw you, Owner!" Your dick will say. "Go down on her or something, cuz I ain't touching her with a ten foot pole."
To put it another way, your penis is like your emotional thermometer. It gauges how hot or not you are for someone at the moment and rises accordingly. I wouldn't beat yourself or him up about this. Rather try to find a partner that feels more right. I'm not saying leave everything up to your dick and take a back seat, but find someone that satisfies and engages you on more levels - physical, emotional, personality, etc.
As for mending things with your female buddy, it might take some time, but slowly work towards meeting back in the friend-zone. You don't have to tell her point blank why it didn't click - A. she can probably figure it out and B. if you guys were really tight she'll soon be able to not take it so personally. She will hopefully laugh about it and chalk it up to a "Hey, we tried. That was a hot mess. Now let's grab a beer you Little Bastard."
Couldn't it just have been a case of nerves too...?
Yeah, I heard that it happens to guys when they're intimidated, on the first time they're sleeping with someone for example.
Wow, I was the girl in a case like this recently, more like work friends actually. He couldn't get it up, on two separate nights, but there was alcohol involved so I hope (and he said) that was why. The thing is I still really like him and had for a year before this happened...The thing that pissed me off is his totally ignoring me at work afterwards. To the OP...I think women read WAY less into a guy not getting it up than the guy does, perhaps it isn't that big a deal for her as you think? So do you know she is pissed off? Maybe its something else, related to but not directly about the not getting it up (like the guy ignoring me afterwards) Women have a funny way of expressing themselves sometimes and she could still like you but doesnt want to show it. Just talk to her, if you were friends before I'm sure you can work it out.
I think Funny Guy is actually a woman, or if he is a man, he's no older than 20.
Ask a woman why a man's penis wouldn't get hard for her, and her natural insecurity will tell you that it was because she wasn't attractive enough.
Ask a man the same question, and he'll tell you that it can be for any number of reasons.
I tend to believe the latter. If erection problems are only about attraction, how does that explain when it happens during marriage, or as a man gets older? There's more than one aspect of the penis that needs to be taken into consideration here. Believing otherwise is narrow-minded, in my opinion.
I find this horribly offensive. some men have problems achieving erection for a multitude of reasons most of which most likely don't have anything to do with the women or her sex appeal. Perpetuating stereotypes about men like this is harmful, not only to men who feel a sense of pressure too (and shame if they are unable to) obtain erections "normally" but to women as well by suggesting they must not be attractive or appealing enough to any man who doesn't get an immediate boner when he with her.....
This happened to me...he said that it's obvious that he thinks I'm attractive. I mean why would a guy end up in bed with someone if he didn't find her at least slightly attractive? It's bull to say it's strictly because of appearance.