Well, there appears to be two facts at play. 1. You are seriously large, and 2. Your man is seriously into you. You are supposing that these two facts are incongruent. Your assumption is that a man in good shape can't be gaga for a gal in different shape. I'm not so sure that's true.
Is he a fat fetishist? Likely. Am I a short brunette fetishist? Very likely, too. In other words who's to say your look is reserved for sexual deviants, while those who dig short brunettes, or skinny chicks are healthy people. Your man's lusting over you isn't a sure sign of psycho-sexual illness. It's a sure sign he likes large bodies.
His body and mind lust for that, which falls outside "The Box". The TV box, the radio box, the box of fashion magazines. You are not Sports illustrated material or In Touch magazine's Best Summer Bods of 2011, I will give you that, but so what? Your man loves you, not despite your mega breasts, love handles and stomach, but in part because of them. Could he date skinnier women? Probably. But he chooses not to. Remember, you also choose him. Being fat doesn't make you choice-less, it makes you fat.
Over time you will discover if he loves you for you or only your skin casing. But, from what you write it sounds like this relationship isn't new. It sounds like your relationship may be thriving in all realms. However, if it's bugging you, ask him. Say, "Buddy, I love that you get harder than a brick for my body, but I wanted to talk to you about it a bit. As you know I'm not today's ideal of banging. Does that bother you? Have you always been attracted to heavy girls?"
Talk it over, chew the fat and see where that leads you. There are plenty of 115lb models going to bed tonight who don't have a man next to them worshiping their every lump and fold. You may have found your match.
Funny Guy
Thanks so much Amit! Also couldn't help but notice you cut the first part of my question. My statement still stands, I was a tried and true Wise-Ass fan but he takes too damn long to answer lol. Thanks for such a great answer though, I am sitting my man down tonight, and saying "Buddy, I love that you get harder than a brick for my body..." Can't wait to see the look on his face, we read this site daily together. (:
Can I just say that I read the comment your honey made, and I'm so jealous of you.... SO JEALOUS. Even in my dreams I can't imagine someone loving me like that. Hold on to that one! ;-)
This is a super late response (haven't checked guyspeak in months), but I felt I must add in, as this is very relevant to my current concerns. I see far too often women I know who are so concerned and self-concious about their large bodies, and it just makes me sad.
Self-image and body issues are complicated, and it's not about what I think, but as a man who is certainly a fan of bigger ladies, it breaks my heart to hear a friend tell me she doesn't get why so many guys (myself included) tell her she's so sexy, just because of her belly.
So to not just you, NBNP, but all big beautiful women out there, please, love yourselves! Love your bodies, and work for whatever body you want to love. Forget other people's tastes, it's your temple. And dear god, show off that love! It doesn't matter how big or small you are, there is no fat thick enough to hide confidence and passion.
"there is no fat thick enough to hide confidence and passion" Great Point, Hunter!
This is NBNP's "honey", haha. Honestly, I do like bigger women and it is not just about how much someone weighs or what they look like. Everthough, I do think you are beautiful. I also wouldn't say that you are very BBW. You do have assets and that is always a plus. You also have a great personality and the best smile I have ever seen. I love you NBNP even though you think I have a sexual illness. :P
Now that is a true Man!!! Someone who looks at you for who you are and as the whole package! Not for just your looks and what a great body you have!!! Congrats you have found that Prince that every girl has secretly dreamt about or gone through countless relationships searching and seeking for him!!!
Congrats to you both for finding your match!!
Wow - snap - NBNP's dude came in to comment.
so take it this way ... and if I rant, I'm sorry, serious back pain tonight and i took a medley of pain meds, so here goes:
1) Do you trust the dude?
2) If you trust the dude, do you enjoy being with him?
3) If you enjoy being with him and you trust him, put your insecurities aside and enjoy life. It's far too short to worry about it.
Smile, breathe, give him a big hug and enjoy this moment as well as the next.
I wish both of you a lifetime of happines, and hard bricks. Ohhhh-YEAH! (think Macho Man Randy Savage voice in that one).
Thanks Racqui, it blows my mind how much he loves me sometimes. Just hold on, good things come to those who wait. And trust me, I'm not letting this one get away.
Lil_mama, thanks. I know just what you mean. I definitely see a happily ever after with this prince!
And Mike, you couldn't be more right. I trust this man with my life and enjoy each and every day I spend with him. I guess if he can find it within himself to love me for me, then I can find it within myself to love the poor sicko right back d:
Honey, I love you. Here's to a lifetime of smiles and hard bricks, "Ohhh yeah!"
@ NBNP: I love you too and that sounds great to me. :)
@Racqui: You will find someone perfect for you soon enough. Just be patient and don't settle for less than what you deserve.
@Lil_mama: Does that mean I get the prince's salary too, Haha. Jk, thank you for the compliment.
@Mike: Bring on the Bricks and Smiles! :D
@Amit Thank you for putting her mind at ease. :)
I know literally no-one who is looking for a relationship with the media "ideal". I'm sure there must be, but I don't know any of them. Everyone I know (and I'm lucky to have such an honest and candid group of friends) has a preference, has their own personal ideal, be it for nerds or curves or whatever. :)
For preference, I like a tall man who can make my 5"2 hourglass figure feel tiny, is an excellent cook, and the more gaming hours they've racked up, the better. ^_^ It doesn't exclude people who aren't like this, but my partner at the moment exactly is, and that's wonderful. We like who we like. :)
nerds or curves - love it.
hahah! i totally could have asked the exact same question!
I'm BBW and the guy im with is a gym nut. he seems to like every bit of me even the bits I'm moritfied over generally. he makes me feel amazing. but sometimes i do wonder why a guy like him is with someone like me. I've asked before and he said "girls aren't suppose to be skin and bones." well I'm far from that lol but made me feel great non-the-less!
Its a nice switch from my last boyfriend who told me, although he loved me, he couldn't be attracted to me because i was fat >.> thanks arse cracker.
It's great you've found such a sweety NBNP! reading those replys made me "awww" outloud.
'Being fat doesn't make you choiceless, it makes you fat.'
PRE-EFFING-CISELY!
I'm heavy myself, and know the feeling of not having choices. But it's not true, we think it is, because we believe others think so, and that apparently makes it true. It doesn't.
Party on.
It sounds like you've found a wonderful person. Honestly, from your picture, you don't look all that big. I'm not saying this to do the old "oh, you're not fat" chestnut as if being fat is a bad thing. I am a size acceptance activist myself. I am five foot seven and weigh close to 300 pounds. I do have physical issues, none of which are caused by my size, and I tire of having people do the old "if you would just eat less and exercise more" thing. I do exercise. I have fibromyalgia, hypothyroidism, and mild hypertension as well as a mood disorder. The hypertension runs in my family, size has nothing to do with it.
It's sad how this society makes any woman who has an ounce of adipose tissue on her body believe that she is "fat." There is nothing wrong with having a fuller figure. Do your best to shut those voices up that tell you that you're not deserving of love because you're a big gal. Size has nothing to do with it at all.
I am a thick chick, and you are a dream story come true :) Hold on to the perfect guy who loves you for ALL of you... :) I pray i find my knight in shinning armor soon :)
"once you go big you never go twig" ;)
Hi guys! NBNP back for an update.
My honey and I are still happily together. In the past couple months we have since moved into an apartment together and exchanged promise rings. There's been talk of marriage and a family lately and I gotta say I don't think this would've been possible without our whole GS situation a few months ago. Instead of dwelling over my size and being overly critical of myself, we each decided it would be best for both of us to get healthier together. My honey loves me no matter what size I am, but we want to be together as long as possible and exercising/eating right will help. Thanks again to all of you, especially Amit!
Just read the comments, a very moving story, and very pleased to see its still being written. You both have something special going. I have to agree with your BF. Any fool can work to getting a great body - I'm such a fool - but features such as a beautiful face and loving personality are priceless. You've started your own fitness dream for all the right reasons, that makes it much easier, trust me. Doing it as couple makes it fun even. Always know you are a good person, regardless of your size. Good luck and God bless.
Now back to being a cynical ass...
Ok...well this is coming from a college art student in his mid-fourties who's just finishing Phyc 151, just for the social studies credit. This also comes from a man who's in an other-wise healthy "normal" relationship with his wife...who has also never understood men (particularly me) who actually LIKE big women! In my mind, "beauty" truly isn't a dress size...I've seen some very ugly skinny women and some truly SENSATIONAL looking big women (and vice-versa of course). Beauty is an attitude and confidence is a state of mind, regardless of how large or small one's body is. Regardless of what the fashion industry says (and institution governed by men who like other men I might add), a lot of big woman are truly quite beautiful, if not sensuous and sexually attractive. After all, regardless of the waist size, isn't it usually the girl with LOTS of cleavage that gets noticed?
I would also add that for a few folks, the world has changed...at least a little. Not that I have ever been shy about expressing my appreciation for big women (or any other sized woman for that matter), let alone something as trivial as peer pressure, but I can understand why some men are indeed reluctant to express their -real- feelings about big women. That said, there's a great deal more folks around these days who do understand the whole size acceptance thing...and that's a good thing because it makes it a little easier with folks like your boyfriend (and myself) to truly be honest about our desires...well...some of us at least :-)
Now that all out of the way, as a Phyc student...and you can check the CURRENT text books on this (not that this stuff has really changed over the years)...the first contributing factor to virtually ANY attraction is -looks-. Think about it...while I can't speak for others, I'm not usually attracted to a woman from across a room because I'm hoping she has a PhD is "archaic tribal cultures" (unless of course they include "feeding huts", LOL!), I'm first attracted to a woman because of how she looks...based on what -I- find attractive (and in my case, yes; that's REALLY large breasts, nice big round butt, nice big strong arms......). As my Phyc teacher said, "...just ain't no way getting round it...we're first attracted by looks". In other words, if your boyfriend (husband, lover, etc) finds you attractive -AND- he's honest and open enough to admit it and share this part of his life and/or fantasy's with you, take the compliment for what it is.
We all like what we like for whatever reason...I like BIG, well endowed women. Does it REALLY need to be any more complicated than that?