Well, if I know anything about child rearing, it’s that having your baby hastily and against the wishes of your partner is a guaranteed road to success. Nothing says “Mommy and Daddy love you” like the old family chestnut about how you perforated your boyfriend’s condom one night with a pushpin.
But seriously, I’m baffled by this question. It implies that your boyfriend wants to marry you, and yet while you want his sperm to create a human life inside of you, you don’t want to marry him? That’s the most selective commitment phobia I’ve ever heard of. That’s like being afraid of flying but taking up skydiving into volcanoes as your hobby. Now, if you’re reaching the age where it’s now or never baby-wise, or if he’s clearly just using the marriage thing as an excuse to postpone the baby, that changes my answer. But assuming neither of those is the case:
Babies are hard. Yes, a single parent can raise one, but why make things harder on yourself? If you want to have a child with your current boyfriend, and he wants to get married, set a date. You’ve got your whole life to get thrown up and shit on by a tiny person; no need to rush things because of an urge. Urges that end in bringing another human into the world need to be regulated by logic and reason. If you don’t believe me, ask China.
And if all you want is a child, and you couldn’t care less about your current boyfriend (as evidenced by the fact that you’re willing to “find someone who can give you what you want”), then you definitely shouldn’t have one. Babies are for people who have learned to be patient, control themselves, and plan for the future of their child. If your idea of planning for your child’s future is to run out and get impregnated as soon as possible by [insert name of whoever you happen to run into here], you’re not ready.
When you do have a baby, the first way it will learn will be by observing you. Kids learn to interact with the world based on how their parents interact with the world. Wouldn’t you rather your baby see you as a confident, centered woman who moderates her impulses with prudence and maintains a healthy and loving relationship? I think there would be a lot more happy babies in the world if parents focused a little more on their own happiness and wholeness.
So until next time, be good to yourselves…and each other.