Ah, losing Facebook, are we? Stumble upon an old flame, did we? Regretting past decisions, might we be? Inverted clauses writing in, am I?
To answer your question in the brusquest manner possible: leave her alone.
Here's why.
Let's be honest; every compulsion to call up an ex and rehash old wrongs comes partly from an earnest desire to make amends, partly from a desire to shut our guilty conscience up, and just a little bit from the assumption that there's a slim chance we'll end up having sex out of it.
You must look deeply within yourself, and gauge which drive is guiding your decision. The simple way to do this is to close your eyes and imagine your ex the way she first appears in your mind.
If you see her at the moment you broke things off, hate, confusion and bitter sadness in her dark eyes, then it's the guilt one. If she's naked and riding an oiled serpent through a field of breasts, then it's either the sex one or you're in the movie Heavy Metal.
And even if you see her as you would a distant memory, totally in perspective and fondly recalled--if your goal here is really to take sadness out of her life--then why would you want to call her eight years later and bring up all the bad feelings again? An apology that wounds the receiver and benefits the apologizer isn't an apology; it's an insult.
I'd say the only time it makes sense to apologize so long after the event is if you know for a fact that it would mean a lot to the other person. Like, if they always wondered what happened to their cat, and made a little shrine to their cat and called for their cat every night from their doorstep and left a little bowl of food out, then I could see calling to let them know you were the one who sold their cat to white slavers who, disappointed upon shaving the cat and finding it to be more of a pink, off-white, murdered it with shovels.
But really, that's basically the only scenario where you should do what you're thinking of doing. After all, if you were the one who screwed up in the first place, shouldn't you be the one to live with that? If you're just calling to get it off your chest, go see a counselor on your own. Or better yet, drink a lot!
I was hoping that would be your answer, Swaim. Agreed 100%. Leave it alone. Count it as a life lesson and move on.
The Heavy Metal reference was lovely.
That movie is insane.
Harold Ramis and John Candy aliens snorting space cocaine? Zombie fighter jet pilots? Yes songs? I can't believe it was ever released. It's like pure concentrated early '80s weirdness.
I think you were too late...
http://www.lamebook.com/happilee-married#comments
Ha! Wow, that was amazing in the worst way. See, questioner? Do you want to be THAT guy? If in fact you aren't that guy?
thank you for clearing this issue up for me. it doesn't help the guilt, but it definitely puts thing in perspective (that link made me realize how much of an idiot I'd sound like, although i hope i wouldn't seam THAT desperate) maybe i will just let sleeping dogs lie.
PS did you come up with that "losing facebook" dictionary post before or after answering my question? the times are posted, but I'm just curious if i'm the inspiration
As a now married female who had several boyfriends screw her over in the worst way, an apology now would mean the world. Even if I dated the guy over a decade ago. I have no interest in hooking up with any of them, but a lot of these guys were friends before becoming more, and as a result I've grown to distrust a lot of friends.
I'd like to know that they realized they did something wrong and adjusted their lives accordingly, so as not to do it to another person. Just my 5 cents.
As a married female who got screwed over only once- Leave it alone. No, offense but she doesn't care that you're sorry. Not because she is bitter or still mad at you but because she has probably moved on and is very happy and hasn't given you a thought in years. Seems like you think pretty highly of yourself-assuming that an apology from you would make her life complete.
yeah...there is a guy on FB that "apologized" but it was only to get back together and rub in my face I ended up w/the wrong guy. I fell back into the "bad boy w/hot sex" web of complication and now regret it! I wish he never contacted me...now my life is complicated again! Dude...don't do it...leave her alone!
yeah...there is a guy on FB that "apologized" but it was only to get back together and rub in my face I ended up w/the wrong guy. I fell back into the "bad boy w/hot sex" web of complication and now regret it! I wish he never contacted me...now my life is complicated again! Dude...don't do it...leave her alone!
Thank you for your 5 cents. I know, thanks to Swaim, to just leave it alone
I have decided to leave her alone. It's not that i feel highly of myself. Quite the opposite, in fact. I feel terrible, even to this day. There were a lot of circumstances that came into play, and i just wanted to make myself feel better by letting her know how i felt about screwing up everything.
I don't want to get back together with her, because i know that she's not the same person she was 8 years ago. That also made me realize it would just be wrong to confront her. Not that she would care or not, but that I'm apologizing to a different person altogether. thank you all for commenting.
I really think it's the right move. Good on ya for manning up and letting go. That can be hard.
thanks swaim, mean's a lot.
strangely...
I should have double-checked my work before submitting that post. Oops,
Hopefully she's forgiven you for whatever it is that you did. Forgiveness really clears up a whole lot of bad feelings. Like taking off a heavy pack.
What a lovely day for a 4178000! SCK was here