Well, it all depends on how you answered that question. Granted, you were uncomfortable. I'll go ahead and give you the benefit of the doubt and say it wasn't because buddy was Black but because he was intrusive.
Hell, I get annoyed and defensive when anybody runs up on me out of the blue so I can only imagine how I'd feel somebody ran up on me while I was trying to get my McDouble on. Why didn't you just ignore him? You were in a public place. I assume that he wouldn't try anything ridiculous.
Look, the only way to handle a situation like that, with any dude, is to just be as nice as possible. Let's assume he was a belligerent Black dude and that you were concerned for your life (by the way, being afraid because he was Black would make you racist)...you just try to diffuse the situation by telling him that you don't just give out your name and you have a man already. But thanks for the offer and attention. I know it sounds like a cop-out, but your goal in these situations isn't to be prideful, it's to get the situation over as quickly as possible.
Now that I think about it, I doubt you made yourself look racist. That's probably some personal insecurity about how you think others viewed you because he was Black and you're white (I'm assuming). Here's the thing, forget everybody else. Dude invaded your space, time, and probably ruined those fries. And I love those fries. So don't sweat it. And definitely don't sweat the race angle. While I'm assuming some preconceived notions probably snuck in there, your situation was more about discomfort.
Now if you're ENTIRE demeanor was because he was Black then yeah, that's got racism all over it. But it's Wednesday and Tupac died 15 years ago yesterday. Let's just spread love.
I think this is a good answer, and I do agree we shouldn't hulk out on every guy that tries to chat us up, but I do take slight issue with the statement "Look, the only way to handle a situation like that, with any dude, is to just be as nice as possible."
I think girls are so ingrained with "be polite" that it can come at the expense of their safety sometimes. And in the middle of McDonald's or not, I'd feel a little unsafe in a situation where any guy is belligerent and invading my privacy. Maybe I would judge my safest answer to be "Sorry I have a boyfriend" or maybe I would want to be assertive and say "Dude, I'm not interested. Leave me alone," but I would NEVER thank him "for the offer and the attention."
While I understand what you mean, I'm not saying be nice as in placate, I'm saying not be rude as clearly if somebody's already belligerent, then that takes them up a notch. Your goal, as I said, should be to end the situation as quickly as possible. Nobody is saying be sweet as pie, but moreso non-aggressive in response. That way, if the convo continues, its all on them and others are more likely to step in if necessary.
Thanks for commenting back :) And for the repeat of "ending the situation as quickly as possible." Very good advice, and maybe words I didn't take into account enough when reading/responding to your answer. I think we probably feel pretty similarly about getting out of situations like this; I might just err a little more on the "be assertive" side and you on the "avoid escalating" side.
I'm interested in reminding girls that assertiveness is an option as they try to avoid uncomfortable guy situations because of a situation I (and others I've known) have been in that could have taken such a better turn if I hadn't been so worried about making him mad. (On the flip side, I do admit to totally overreacting on innocent guys who were just trying to flirt.)
So you're right. End it as soon as possible, and if being polite works, great. But I'm just saying if a girl thinks telling him to back off is a good bet, don't be afraid to try that too.
Thanks for commenting back :) And for the repeat of "ending the situation as quickly as possible." Very good advice, and maybe words I didn't take into account enough when reading/responding to your answer. I think we probably feel pretty similarly about getting out of situations like this; I might just err a little more on the "be assertive" side and you on the "avoid escalating" side.
I'm interested in reminding girls that assertiveness is an option as they try to avoid uncomfortable guy situations because of a situation I (and others I've known) have been in that could have taken such a better turn if I hadn't been so worried about making him mad. (On the flip side, I do admit to totally overreacting on innocent guys who were just trying to flirt.)
So you're right. End it as soon as possible, and if being polite works, great. But I'm just saying if a girl thinks telling him to back off is a good bet, don't be afraid to try that too.
Omg this exact same thing happened to me on the subway and the guy was actually super intimidating and I had to sit with him next to me for the full 20 minutes. I just treated him as nice as possible. I felt kind of shaken up afterwards.
I find through my personal experiences that black, hispanic, latin, and most european men are very FORWARD and upfront with their approach to women they like. And not all are polite, or rude, or smart. But sometimes you can respect that (for these guys going for what they like even if the risk of rejection is sometimes 99%, but I think its the 1% that compels them lol).
Ive been approached by black men VERY directly and its not bad and I dont get "shaken" as the lady above. Most are pretty nice and mean well, even if their approach is pretty lame.
The problem I have though, is that I dont get approach by the men who I want to be approach by AND they like me AND I give them free passes, but it doesnt happen. =(....shy guys are the worst, but its the shyness that gets makes them so cute too lol.
I agree. I think it depends on the guy, of course, but GENERALLY SPEAKING, black & hispanic guys are wayyyy more forward than white guys. I don't know why, but I've definitely noticed it. Now, that doesn't mean its bad or threatening or whatever, but for someone who's not used to it, and is used to our polite society where people go out of their way to not even make eye contact, well.. it can be intimidating.
I think Panama's right, though. If you're not interested, just being polite and firm is best. The guy probably means no harm.
(note: this does not apply if said guy is using harassing/threatening language or actions. In that case, you owe him nothing, and should tell him to f-- off.)
I am not nice to anyone that invades my personal space infact i'm the complete opposite. I've got to a point in my life where I just don't have the time nor energy for any guy whether they have good intentions or not to approach me and be on top of me in a way that makes me uncomfortable. I'm just trying to go about my day - leave me alone - I don't want to be harrassed in the street/beeped at/whistled at/ called a "s*xy b*t*h" or hear what you would love to do to me - it's humiliating and threatening. "Get the F out of my face"/ "Don't F with me, dude" is usually the most effective shock tactic. If someone is really bothering me - i try to appear a wee bit crazy to scare them off.
im a little like that too LOL, loved it. sounded like me sister.
I wrote the question. Thanks, PJ.
I wasn't intimidated because he was black, at all, it was because I'm already a really socially awkward person and having that many personal questions shot at me within the span of about 30 seconds was very uncomfortable for me, especially since the last one was, I thought, racially charged when it really didn't need to be. I think I said that I would date a black man, but never had before and wasn't looking for a relationship.