This means your man is being a dickhead.
Either on purpose or somehow without being fully aware he is insulting, disrespecting and antagonizing you. I think you know this too. There is no allowance for it. Why would there be? Are you suggesting that because the baby was lost he has a right to take out his pain and aggression on you? Are you suggesting that he has a right to insult you because you don't have a legit excuse for being a size 10 at the moment? Whether you carried the baby to term or not is irrelevant. You need to step up to your boyfriend and remind him that relationships are about supporting your mate not degrading them. You need him to be your boyfriend not your conditioning coach.
The next time he points at old pics of you tell him he needs to refocus on his own image. Building up the love and letting go of your current love handles.
:( What a douchebag, adding insult to injury. I'm really sorry for your loss. Eff that guy if he's going to be such a jerk to you.
Argh, I wrote a long response but the site decided to not post it. Fantastic, haha. So here is the second try.
It is a good thing to remember that our loved ones try to help us. I am very sorry that you experienced the loss of a child and wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy but her boyfriend may be thinking that he is helping her by pointing this out to her. Was exercise an important part of both your lives in the past? If so, that could easily explain his pointing out to you that you have put on a bit of weight. Exercise is proven to reduce stress and anxiety in a person, regular exercise is even shown to greatly reduce depression in a person. It may be his way of trying to find something to help you cope with the loss.
A couple years ago I was dealing with family drama and alcoholism. I had gained a lot of weight and was depressed. My fiance (girlfriend at the time) kept bothering me about my weight gain as I had been in very good shape when we first met, and to me it seemed like all she cared about was how I looked. I even came very close to ending our relationship over it but decided I cared too much about her to just call it quits and caved. Six months later I had lost 75 pounds and had stopped taking medication for my anxiety and depression problems, it also helped me to stop drinking. My fiance knew that I just needed to get back on the horse, even if I didn't.
Point is, we all hate to be told about our flaws or issues but sometimes that's what we really need from our loved ones, even if we don't think we need it.
I wish you the best of luck and I suggest you just speak to your boyfriend about it, ask him why he needs you to lose weight or exercise.
You're absolutely right. There are many ways to go about telling your partner. If in fact the OP is trying to point out flaws (though I don't consider weight gain from pregnancy a flaw, really), he's doing it the worse way. Helping your partner should be done in a way that leaves no doubts about your intentions. Also depends on the flaw, in some cases, direct and blunt intervention is needed, others, gentleness would ensure a more favorable outcome.
of course there is always the love your partner as they are approach, negates all that stress of how to point out perceived flaws in a politically correct manner. *eyeroll*
That approach wouldn't work with me due to my many flaws and every human weaknesses.
What I consider the greatest act of love by my wife is not that she stays with me despite me being unattractive, not that she puts up with my quirks and idiosyncrasies. It's that she cares, she cares enough to point out and correct my countless mistakes and faults.
Sadly I don't always realize this and have shown her monumental ingratitude in a long history of me being a total ingrate.
I agree with Funny Guy - he has to know you're being hurt by his comments. And to make these comments after a miscarriage (which from everything I know is a traumatic experience itself) is very insensitive. I'll give him *SOME* benefit of the doubt that he is not intentionally trying to be mean.
Have a talk with him, let him know in plain language and in no uncertain terms these comments are hurtful. You"re already feeling bad because of the miscarriage and you want and need his support, not his critique. Hell, if my wife miscarried a baby, I would feel devastated, but as bad as I would feel, it would be nothing compared what she would feel, and she would need every ounce of strength and support I could muster.
A long-term commitment, regardless if it involves marriage or not, entails accept changes in each other's bodies as we age and go through circumstances. Whatever weight you may have gained is irrelevant. He chose to be with you as a person. He needs to support you, as a person!
When he points it out maybe say, “Yes.., that’s before I had a human being growing inside me & lost it. When it happens to you, I will be there for you too.” Then walk away…, sometimes, less is best.
to start, i am deeply sorry for your loss. and b.) he's a douche of epic proportions. after two years of infertility treatments my ex thought he could get away with the "fat lazy and broken" mantra, and as well, compared the bikini engagement shots with after shots of me in a bikini and some weight gain. the gem thought it would be motivation and would actually argue with me that he was perfectly justified in "helping me out". and he wasn't exactly a prize himself i might add. ugh. i'm so mad that i'm doing that typing fast thing. obviously, you have shared a pregnancy, so walking out in a storm may not be called for. but you can teach him how to treat you and let him know that is not okay, and he can not get away with that. if you don't, whats going to happen in 10 years after you've maybe managed 2 or 3 successful pregnancies, and maybe havent lost the weight? just have the talk and if he doesn't change, that's his problem, not yours, its back to that you teach people how to treat you thing. here's how i started mine: "that is not okay, and you have to know i am not living the rest of my life being treated like that, so you are officially on the three strikes program. when you get to three, you are out the door with a suitcase for good. you're up to one." didn't take long, and was the fastest 280 lbs i ever lost. good luck.
I enjoy reading your comments chrissie1101 almost as much as I enjoy reading the posts. I think you are very brave for being so open about such things it inspires me. And I think you are brave for what you have been through and made it to the other side. I am not with the greatest man either sadly, and it is not easy to talk about with anybody, never mind in a public place. You make it look easy and some of your points really make me think about things in my love life. Thank you for your insight and courage, it gives me hope, maybe one day I can too.
that is very sweet for you to say, thank you so much. i've been "on the other side" for almost five years now, so it is easier for me to talk about it, but not always easy. there's a lot about that life of mine that hasn't been uttered...yet. but i always say, whether here or anywhere, if telling my story can help someone else, then it is a story that must be told. you can do whatever you want to do with your life, Pinkie. a little girl once told me, "it's not brave if you're not scared", she's still the bravest person i know. when you look it in the eye and create the life you want, it IS scary, but it is the most exciting scared of all. good luck to you!!
Despite how you feel about me, I want to comment on a great job on your weight loss. That is a great achievement you right should be very proud of!
my ex husband weighed 280 lbs. and thank you, i'm pretty damn proud of that moment myself.
I have to say that for the past few of hours i have been hooked by the amazing posts on this site. Keep up the good work.
I have to say that for the past few of hours i have been hooked by the amazing posts on this site. Keep up the great work.
I agree