I am very sorry this happened to you. Please know two things: one, it's a positive thing that you're opening up about this, and two, Guyspeak should only serve as a spring board to smarter and more refined advise and counseling.
Your question didn't speak to how your boyfriend responded to you, but regardless, and more importantly, it triggered feelings about a very serious trauma. Three traumas, actually: rape, your Dad's response, and your Mom's response.
Our deepest, unresolved problems have a way of finding us. That is to say, that even though your boyfriend may have not supported you the way you wanted him to (which is a problem) it triggered an even deeper problem (the original three traumas).
I think you can tell your boyfriend you're disappointed that your conversation with him didn't work out the way you expected. But from a macro perspective it did serve a bigger function: reuniting you with that unresolved pain, inviting you to dig into some inner work and home work.
It is depressing; it's horrible, enraging, unreal and not fair. But with the right mental health professional AND proper support systems, it can one day only be a bad branch of your tree, not a part of its growing roots or leaves.
*As your parents might not be the first folks you want to turn to. Here's a hotline and link for victims of rape.
http://www.rainn.org/
1-800-656-HOPE
http://www.aftersilence.org/
I’m so sorry, your family failed you. My heart truly goes out to you. Please seek out a trusted friend that will allow you to voice your feelings & frustration. Also use the links Amit provided. They are full of people who care. I know I do…
My heart goes out to you as well. But you'll pull through this, I'm sure, Sending good vibes your way.
First, let me say, way to go do seek out some advice for this! That takes courage - you are doing great! It is a terrible thing that you have had to deal with and I am truly saddened to hear that the two people you love, trust and rely upon the most at the age of 12 failed you. They should have stood by you, supported you, and believed in you.
I am a sexual assault survivor. I was 16 at the time and I would like to share some thoughts of what I have learned over the years. You don't mention your age now, nor that of your bf, but I am thinking you two may still be young.
I have discovered that many (but not all) guys have absolutely no concept of the profound emotions we feel from our trauma. They have no tools in their tool boxes, so to say, to sympathize. Now, I'm not trying to give them an excuse, they do need to be there and support you, but I have found that they sometimes need time to process what it is that you are telling them because they haven't any idea what to say or what to do. To expect them to have an immediate and perfect response to your confession, may be a bit unrealistic. You might need to give him some time to process. He may come back and totally surprise you. But if he shouldn't, then by all means bring it up again...You can say, "Hey, you know I shared something pretty big about me the other day. Do you mind if we talk about it?" If he says, sure, then do so and gracefully let him know what it is you need from him. If he says no way, then you may need to think about finding someone else who can support you as you need.
I wish for you all the love and support that you can handle during this time. Just know that you are not alone.
(Dear GuySpeak, if you deem this as an inappropriate place to say this, then by all means, delete the post. I just have something burning a hole within me that I would like to get out.)
Being the victim of a sexual assault isn’t something I would wish on my worst enemy, but unfortunately it happens, even to the best of us. So I want to encourage you with these thoughts.
That guy may have had the upper hand over you for a few moments of your life, but his actions do not dictate who you will be for the rest of your life. The moment your attack is over, you have complete control of your life and what you chose to do with it, can determine who you will become. I know some of the emotions you are feeling: pain, humiliation, dirty, used, cheated, guilty, lost, unworthy…I could go on, but just know that these are emotions. They don’t define who you are. You are still a beautiful soul with a lot to give this world.
Your healing process begins the moment your attack is over and it takes you to open the door. I have learned that there are 4 baby steps to take in getting that ball rolling. Step One: Grab hold of that control of your life. Don’t let that opportunity pass you by. I know you may want to sweep the whole thing under a rug and pretend that it didn’t happen, but that won’t help you. Trust me, that could do more damage than good. Love yourself enough to open that door to healing.
Step Two: Make two phone calls. First, call a trusted adult or your best friend. Tell them that you need them right there and right then. Do not take no for an answer. Secondly, you call 911. Many police forces these days have women officers who have had special training in supporting assault victims just moments after their attacks. Use them! They are there to serve and protect you. Let them escort you to a medical facility.
Step Three: File a police report and allow the medical personnel to check you out and collect evidence. This is a tough thing to do, I know, but there is something about getting through this hurdle that is empowering. You can do it. And do not leave that medical facility without at least two names of counselors that you can call.
Step Four: Call those counselors. Set up an appointment. Take your friend, if you need to, but seek some help.
To the Guys of GuySpeak, I have read several questions posed to you along these lines and I just want to take my hat off to you for your sound advice. You guys are amazing and so on the ball with your responses.
Many women will transpose their feelings and emotions for their attacker to all males on the planet. I can remember shortly after my attack wanting to beat the crap out of a male dog, who was doing what male dogs do. But sooner or later, we realize that we do need trustworthy men in our lives.
Many women are looking for validation that men will agree that their attack was indeed a horrible event and they are wanting a physically stronger person on their team to help them fight the demons. So when you come back with a “whose butt do I need to kick for you now” kind of attitude, you are doing them a world of good. I applaud you for your listening ears and your compassionate hearts! Keep up the great work!
(Dear GuySpeak, if you deem this as an inappropriate place to say this, then by all means, delete the post. I just have something burning a hole within me that I would like to get out.)
Being the victim of a sexual assault isn’t something I would wish on my worst enemy, but unfortunately it happens, even to the best of us. So I want to encourage you with these thoughts.
That guy may have had the upper hand over you for a few moments of your life, but his actions do not dictate who you will be for the rest of your life. The moment your attack is over, you have complete control of your life and what you chose to do with it, can determine who you will become. I know some of the emotions you are feeling: pain, humiliation, dirty, used, cheated, guilty, lost, unworthy…I could go on, but just know that these are emotions. They don’t define who you are. You are still a beautiful soul with a lot to give this world.
Your healing process begins the moment your attack is over and it takes you to open the door. I have learned that there are 4 baby steps to take in getting that ball rolling. Step One: Grab hold of that control of your life. Don’t let that opportunity pass you by. I know you may want to sweep the whole thing under a rug and pretend that it didn’t happen, but that won’t help you. Trust me, that could do more damage than good. Love yourself enough to open that door to healing.
Step Two: Make two phone calls. First, call a trusted adult or your best friend. Tell them that you need them right there and right then. Do not take no for an answer. Secondly, you call 911. Many police forces these days have women officers who have had special training in supporting assault victims just moments after their attacks. Use them! They are there to serve and protect you. Let them escort you to a medical facility.
Step Three: File a police report and allow the medical personnel to check you out and collect evidence. This is a tough thing to do, I know, but there is something about getting through this hurdle that is empowering. You can do it. And do not leave that medical facility without at least two names of counselors that you can call.
Step Four: Call those counselors. Set up an appointment. Take your friend, if you need to, but seek some help.
To the Guys of GuySpeak, I have read several questions posed to you along these lines and I just want to take my hat off to you for your sound advice. You guys are amazing and so on the ball with your responses.
Many women will transpose their feelings and emotions for their attacker to all males on the planet. I can remember shortly after my attack wanting to beat the crap out of a male dog, who was doing what male dogs do. But sooner or later, we realize that we do need trustworthy men in our lives. Many women are looking for validation that men will agree that their attack was indeed a horrible event and they are wanting a physically stronger person on their team to help them fight the demons. So when you come back with a “whose butt do I need to kick for you now” kind of attitude, you are doing them a world of good. I applaud you for your listening ears and your compassionate hearts! Keep up the great work!
Your parents reacted horribly. If you're in school go to the guidance counselor to ask for a therapy referral. If not go to your local rape crisis center. There will be people to support you even if your parents and boyfriend do not.