Man, your town is filled with some friggin' winners, huh? Well, I'm glad you extricated yourself from the toxic sludge of nasty boyfriend #1, but let's make sure you haven't done all that just to sink into some new, nasty sh*z with a new guy.
Anytime a person goes out of their way to throw a "Caps Lock" on a word, such as "MAJOR" in your case, I take it to mean, "Warning FG, I'm talking big-time stuff here." And, anytime a guy or gal in a new relationship tells you they are "totally done" with something that is a threat to themselves or the relationship, it's something to be wary about. Not that your guy doesn't want to be "totally done" with a sex addiction; not that he doesn't believe on most levels that being with you should be enough to stop him from serial strip, nude and porn indulging, but chances are... it won't.
Entering a relationship we all need to accept a level of personal baggage that is stubbornly strapped to our partner's core being; but is dealing with a new man's sex addictions the sort of backpack you want to be toting?
I'm not saying he's a cheater or a complete disaster of a dude, but it might not be wise to jump into anything too soon. Yes, people can change and shift, no doubt. But for real change to take place, it takes more than a wish or a pledge. It takes dedicated time, discipline and yes, oopsies. People with compulsive behaviors need to unlearn a behavior that's wedged deep into their DNA and psyche.
Every time he takes too long at the supermarket are you going to be sniffing around his neck when he returns? Investigating for the scent of cheap perfume? It could all turn out well, but is that how you want to move forward?
Can I just say that strippers don't need to wear cheap perfume; they make bank. Actually, most of them don't wear perfume at all for the very reason that men don't want their wives to smell it on them ;)
Anyway, I agree with the answer. I'd be wary. I mean, he might stop going to nudie bars, but the porn thing is definitely something that's not gonna go away overnight. And really, it shouldn't need to unless he's into some really, really bad sh*t or something. It all depends on what you're willing to put up with. Also, as FG said, this situation could lead to some serious paranoia on your end, where you worry about him every time he's 30 min later than he said he'd be. You'll have to decide if that's something you could keep in check. Maybe you could talk to him about it and y'all could work out some way that he could make you feel more assured.
Also, let me just say that it's funny how different people's problems can be. While you're worried about your guy being too into such things, /my/ major life dilemma right now is that I want to strip, but my boyfriend is (understandably) against the idea. He thinks strip clubs are "immoral." Not that I'd want him to hang out at them on the reg or anything, but it'd be nice if he was a little more open minded. What I'm saying is that I think there's a balance to be achieved where a guy can go to a strip club for the occasional bachelor party or birthday (or to see his gf, in my case) and casually enjoy it without being obsessed with them. Too bad a lot of people seem to be polarized on the issue.
"Man, your town is filled with some friggin' winners, huh?" I put the weight on this first sentence. :)
Maybe you need to take a look at why you are attracting toxic men. I know over the years as I have healed and grown the type of men I attract as well as attracted to has dramtically upgraded. It is hard work but can be done.
I'm the one that asked the questions. Thanks all. He is otherwise a nice guy, but I've been out with guys that have other habits, drinking, smoking, etc...and they all seem to revert back to that behavior - so I'm thinking this might be a lost cause. I don't have a huge problem with the porn, but 3 - 4 times a week is a bit excessive. Then if he doesn't want to have sex, I figure it's cause he already did his thing while watching porn. :( He said he gave away his porn flicks to a friend, all 250 of them. Last week I engaged myself in a convo with a couple of strippers at a lingerie shop up the street (I went in to sell some earrings) and they went into detail about how they let guys squeeze their boobs and touch them pretty much all over. They said there's supposedly a no touch rule but no one enforces it unless the dancer has a problem with it. Great news. Ugh. They work at one of the clubs that my new BF used to frequent. So that turned my stomach. I actually started having an anxiety attack. To me, that's cheating and I'm not down for that. The nude clubs and the VIP rooms they said are even worse. They said EVERYTHING happens in those areas...EVERYTHING. So I don't believe it when anyone tells me it's all innocent fun.
Carly - I have to wonder why you want to strip. Are you just interested in the money or do you want to flaunt your body? Your BF sounds like a pretty normal guy. I don't know many guys that would want their GF to strip and rub up on strange guys...especially the old dudes...gross.
The money, obviously. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be putting my body all over drunk strangers for free. My friend's girlfriend works at the club I'm looking at and she often makes a thousand dollars a night. No handjobs, no boob-squeezing, no nothing--just dancing and low-contact lap dances.
And I also said I don't blame him for being against it, just that I wish he would see that I only want to do it for the money, which would benefit both of us. There are these pesky little things called student loans, you see.
I'm the one who wrote in on this. Thanks to all who answered. I'm trying not to get too worked up about it - but yes - I do wonder sometimes when his time is not accounted for and this is a terrible way to start a relationship. So I'm taking it day by day and there may be a time soon where I just can't stand where my mind goes.
Last week I stopped by a lingerie shop up the street to sell some earrings. I got in a convo with a couple of strippers there that work at the Strip Club where my BF used to frequent. They told me that the "no touch rule" is not enforced. They said they let guys feel them up all over. Only if it's someone they don't want to touch them is when they get the bouncers involved. Not what I wanted to hear. They went on the say that everything you think could happen in the VIP lounge, happens...and more! They also said that the all nude places are that way as well. I started having an anxiety attack and had to leave. That to me is cheating.
Carly - Why do you want to strip? Is it the money or do you just want to flaunt your body in front of stange guys and rub up on them. What about the old dudes? Yuck. I can't blame your BF for being against it. That's like cheating.