I think the guy should pay, regardless of who did the asking out. I believe a guy should ALWAYS pay on the first date. Even if you intend to go dutch-sies for the entire rest of the relationship, he should still pay on the first date. Maybe it's my old-fashioned Southern upbringing. Maybe it's because I think dating is hard, and the least the guy should do is pay for your meal before he screws you over in one of 7 or so ways. And finally, it's one of the few ways to be chivalrous that we guys have left. We can't ride up to your castle on horseback and rescue you from your evil king father, but we can pay for your gnocchi and wine on the first date.
You can always offer, and do the whole check back-and-forth thing. (That is always appreciated.) But ultimately he should pay. Feel free to buy him a drink or ice cream cone or something later on the evening, or at least offer to.
This question comes up a lot, and it seems folks are of two minds on the issue. I tend to think the guy should always pay in the early stages of dating, and as much as he can throughout the relationship. You can take him out for his birthday or a special occasion, but picking up the check (or at least attempting to) on a date is just sort of one of the things that comes with being a man.
I have no problem with occasionally splitting the bill, or letting her leave the tip, once we're into the relationship if that is her preference. And I have no problem with occasionally being treated. But I think the guy should be picking up the check as much as possible. Even if it's just at Panera Bread. Oh, Panera Bread. Why aren't you in my area? Why must I only be allowed to have you at airports or at any one of your over 1,200 locations around the country? Why must life be so cruel??
You can always offer, and do the whole check back-and-forth thing. (That is always appreciated.) But ultimately he should pay. Feel free to buy him a drink or ice cream cone or something later on the evening, or at least offer to.
This question comes up a lot, and it seems folks are of two minds on the issue. I tend to think the guy should always pay in the early stages of dating, and as much as he can throughout the relationship. You can take him out for his birthday or a special occasion, but picking up the check (or at least attempting to) on a date is just sort of one of the things that comes with being a man.
I have no problem with occasionally splitting the bill, or letting her leave the tip, once we're into the relationship if that is her preference. And I have no problem with occasionally being treated. But I think the guy should be picking up the check as much as possible. Even if it's just at Panera Bread. Oh, Panera Bread. Why aren't you in my area? Why must I only be allowed to have you at airports or at any one of your over 1,200 locations around the country? Why must life be so cruel??
Mmmmmmmmm, Panera.
lol i have a Panera just right down the street. you're more than welcome to come over for lunch, my treat ;)
Turkey artichoke on asiago cheese bread please! I'm on my way.
I seriously need to start a one-man campaign to get Panera in my area. Also Chik-Fil-A.
what? no chick-fil-a either?
how do you make it through the day?
I looove both of those places, and lucky for me they're on the same block.
You should just move here
What, do you live in Idaho or something?
Nah, I'd be a bit insulted at that old-fashioned stuff. And I know, I know, the guy isn't saying "but you're just a woman, let me pay" it's all a courtesy thing, but surely that works both ways?
I would feel like a massive tool if I was the one who invited the guy out, and then expected for him to pay, or even let him if he offered. If it was something expensive that I'd offered, then maybe we'd go halves, but failing that, if it's a first date and I've asked him out, then I assume I'm paying. If he still wants to go halves then that's fine, that's nice and polite, but to expect HIM to pay for something I'VE invited him to do...?? That, in my opinion, would make me a flatout jackass. I don't care if it's been the done thing for centuries; if a guy asked a girl out and expected her to pay, he'd be a twat.
It's exactly the same the other way around. Exactly the same. Being born with tits, etc doesn't excuse me from having bad manners or assuming that men I go out should automatically pay for my shit because they had the misfortune to be born with a pecker. That's just plain rude, and I can't stand rudeness in any gender.
We'll have to agree to disagree here. I think if the girl asks the guy out, she can certainly contribute something. But she's already done the planning, so I think he should pay. He should show her he's interested in dating. Now I suppose there are some exceptions. Let's say she invites him to a concert as their first date. In this case, maybe she should pick up the tickets. This is something big that perhaps he wouldn't have suggested as a first date. But then he should take her to dinner that night as a thank you.
So, if this situation were reversed, you'd be okay with that? If the guy did the planning, the girl is supposed to pay to balance it out? I doubt that's what you think! I am cool with people being good to each other, offering to pay and opening doors, etc, but it so shouldn't be restricted from one gender to the other.
In my opinion, if a girl lets you treat her like that then she's being damn rude to you and isn't worth your time. Imagine how you'd feel if it were the other way around - you probably would feel absolutely shitty about her paying for everything, right? So if you'd feel that (because you're a decent person) I'm pretty much of the opinion that so should she. And if she doesn't, then she's not too decent, at least in this particular area. But a guy who invites me out and expects me to pay wouldn't exactly inspire me with confidence in the other areas of his life.
There's absolutely no reason why it should be different for women. I'm interested to know why you think this is an intrinsic part of "being a man". I'm firmly of the opinion that people should be good to each other, regardless of something so random as gender.
I agree people should be good to one another, and that they should treat each other from time to time. I just think the guy should always pay on the first date. I don't think who did the asking out really matters. Like I said, if she is asking him to something crazy expensive, then maybe she should pay because that seems a bit unfair if it wasn't something he planned.
But I have never been on a first date where the woman paid, nor have I allowed them to pay when they offer. Maybe the world is changing and I'm a dinosaur. I am all for gender equality, and I am all for doing nice things for people. I just think a guy should pay on the first date. It shows he's interested and cares. It's polite. At the very least, he should split the bill with her even if she asked him out and did the planning. If she has this grand first date planned and wants to take care of everything, I can't begrudge her that. But he better have an amazing second date planned.
I'm still not seeing why it has anything to do with man or woman. The only thing I can think of is that you personally want to be a decent person and offer to pay. You're also a man. Maybe those two seperate things have become entwined over the years for various reasons (social reinforcement, conformity of girls to the [cheaper and easier!] recieving role, parents, etc), and now you believe that guys should pay for girls. (Though not like that...:) ) I'm not saying that this is definitely how it is for you, only that it's the only way I can understand it, because how you've put it, taking out the gender bits, is exactly how I see dating. I will always offer to pay, regardless of when and where it is, because I see that as being the decent thing to do. :)
Yeah, that sounds about right. It's just something that has been ingrained in me from my Southern mom and from years of dating. I don't think it's something that should be dictated by gender. I don't think anything should be dictated by gender. And I do appreciate it when she offers to pay. (In fact, I'm sort of put off if she doesn't at least offer on the first date.) And beyond the first few dates I am always fine with her offering to pay. But I just think a guy should pay on the first date. It shows he's interested. Yes, there are other ways to show it, but I just feel it's important.
Always the gentleman Nick! If wise Uncle Cary and the rest of you fellas have taught us women anything, it's that we should be dating more men like you. Geeky paladins rule! So do Panera's cranberry walnut bagels! Yum!
Friend: "Yeah, we don't have a Starbucks or a Panera in my hometown."
Me: "Are you people even civilized?!"
wasn't this question just answerded?
This question is about what to do if the girl asks the guy out. Panama answered one about whether to reach for the bill on a date. Either way, we all have our takes on things and are beautiful snowflakes who answer questions differently.
Nick,
You are a man I call a lover not a fighter!!! So chill and calm.
Last first date I was on, the guy paid and I put down the tip. I usually feel superawkward on first dates, but I thought that went over pretty well.
I tend to take my lead from the guy regardless of who asked who out. If he's going to expect me to pay half, he better have the balls to ask me to do it or just pay the whole tab.
i like you chic geek. i think a guy should ALWAYS pay : ) I'll offer, but if he makes me pay, i'd be turned off. Offering to pay is a gesture. If he can't pay for me, then he shouldn't be with me.
I think this is really sweet! I always offer to pay my half, however, because I don't think it's fair (especially in this economy) for the guy to be broke just because he and I had dinner! Or at least go, "hey, I'll pay for our lunch on Tuesday," that sort of thing. I think going dutch, at least in the beginning, is a good way to start. That way nobody feels used.
I have to say that for the last couple of hours i have been hooked by the impressive articles on this site. Keep up the wonderful work.
I have to say that for the past few of hours i have been hooked by the impressive articles on this website. Keep up the great work.