I think he's feeding you a line of what my grandpa used to call "malarkey," or what is commonly referred to as "B.S." How can you have a committed, exclusive relationship that is also casual? Casual and exclusive contradict each other, like "jumbo" and "shrimp" or "Glenn Beck" and "calm, evenhanded political commentary." A casual relationship usually means that he can see other people.
Sounds like he wants to be with you, but also leave the door open. By telling you he wants a "committed, yet casual" relationship, he has a fail-safe for when you catch him with someone else. "But I said we were casual." Mind games: the board game men have been playing for centuries.
Chances are, he doesn't know what he wants. Protect yourself: get him to define what he means by "casual." Does he mean that you'll be exclusive, not date anyone else, but it will be casual in terms of long-term commitment? Sort of a "let's see how this goes" type of thing? Or casual in the sense of, "I can screw around behind your back but I'll get jealous and possessive if you do."
You need to clarify what he means here. It could just be that he wants to be with you and only you, but keep it light to start. (No talk of moving in together or other long-term plans.) But I am confused by his wording, which strikes me as a tad head game-y. And unless we are talking head games of the rockin' Foreigner variety, you should be wary.
Sounds like he wants to be with you, but also leave the door open. By telling you he wants a "committed, yet casual" relationship, he has a fail-safe for when you catch him with someone else. "But I said we were casual." Mind games: the board game men have been playing for centuries.
Chances are, he doesn't know what he wants. Protect yourself: get him to define what he means by "casual." Does he mean that you'll be exclusive, not date anyone else, but it will be casual in terms of long-term commitment? Sort of a "let's see how this goes" type of thing? Or casual in the sense of, "I can screw around behind your back but I'll get jealous and possessive if you do."
You need to clarify what he means here. It could just be that he wants to be with you and only you, but keep it light to start. (No talk of moving in together or other long-term plans.) But I am confused by his wording, which strikes me as a tad head game-y. And unless we are talking head games of the rockin' Foreigner variety, you should be wary.
Yeah, clarity is always good to obtain. I'm guessing it's what you said, Nick - "you'll be exclusive, not date anyone else, but it will be casual in terms of long-term commitment? Sort of a "let's see how this goes" type of thing?" - because I've had that before. "Casual yet exclusive" was ALL anyone was able to get at my college, thanks to an unfair straight girl/straight boy ratio... no boyfriend/girlfriend declarations, no falling in love, but not really seeing other people either. But, again, that was largely unspoken and unclarified, so while it was poor form to see someone else on the side, you couldn't technically accuse the other person of cheating. It sucked.
Nice list of songs in the tags there.
i have a man friend who likes to be in relationships, never cheats.. as far as ive ever known.. but likes a lot of time to himself... for whatever reason.. i just know that if someone wont give him time to himself he cannot deal with it... this could also be possible? i would ask.. is it because you like time to yourself orrrrr is it because you want to have your cake and search for more cake as well? haha
If this guy does want to date other people, but won't like his "gf" dating others at the same time. This sound like a head game to me. Albiet, clarity is needed to further understand where this guy is coming from. I would have my "paranoia radar" up so to speak, sounds to me if this guy has ever considered cheating on her and actually gets caught, he can manipulate her to his advantage. The scenario could be something like this:
Guy gets caught cheating, the guy's response. "I thought this was a casual relationship."
Girl decides to date other men, the guy finds out and says, "I thought this was an exclusive, committed relationship?"
Casual has several meanings. What if we replace the word casual with low-maintenence? Maybe he is saying, "I want to date you exclusively, but don't start picking out wedding china - be cool." Just a thought. You're right to get clarification though.
i dont know man, i know that i want a casual yet committed relationship too and its not so i can screw around at all. the biggest downfall of my past relationships is that we got too hot, too heavy, too fast. maybe he has been hurt before. i would think that he wants to make it work this time around and wants the affection there, but not the anchors. he wants to be independent but able to rely on her when he needs to.
missxgaia, I think that's called using people. I don't care how anyone wants to view this situation, it's not any form of reliability. The guy obviously is not respecting the girls boundaries or feelings for that matter. From what I have been reading, the guy is a douchebag.
Excellent taggage, Nickyboy. Don't forget Hot Blooded. Check it and see.
Malarkey. Bunk. Hooey. Balderdash. All great old-fashioned words.
Thanks for takin' me back Nick. I loved Foreigner! I have great memories of belting out "I Want to Know what Love is" in the shower!
Guess I had that type of guy...a foreigner. Does this mean a different approach to a different kind of people?
He very well may be saying, "I want to be exclusive, but I'm not buying a ring anytime soon." Or it could be, "I want you to be faithful to me, but I want to be sure (aka. I want to fool around with other girls on the side)."
Get more info before making a choice.
I dated a guy like that, I am pretty sure it means he wants to see other people if he feels like it, but wants to keep you smitten with him. One of those "I want all the toys" kinda complexes.
I agree with what Nick is saying. My daughter met this guy and he was really cute. She thought wow maybe just once a guy would like me. He took her out on a date and from there he asked her out again and again. I thought this seems positive. She was straight up with him that she was looking for eventually a long term relationship. He was interested in her and flirting with her and they eventually hooked up (which was done to soon).And he invited her to a party at his apartment.So she shows up his friends were there and he was sleeping. When he got up he took her to the store with him and got food and drinks. Took her back to the apartment to hang out. He end up leaving her there. So she left. Then he posted on his facebook that there was 2 stage 5 clingers in the area. And he calls her a few days later and said she killed the relationship. Well she had a conversation with this guy and had a few choice words with him. Then a week goes by and he texted her and apologized and wanted to see her again. I told her if she went to see him to be carefull because you hooked up to soon and you don't want to make the same mistake twice. She went and talked to him and he had feelings and he wanted to date her. So she agreed. But in the meantime i was researching what a player detailed. And even though he wasn't a full blown one he had some characteristics of one. He told his room mates that he wan't dating my daughter. He was seeing another person and asked my daughter if she was cheating on him. I think that he wanted to keep my daughter exclusive but have his cake and eat it to. One time when she was with him his friend asked her for her phone number and she gave it to him because she did not want to seem to be rude or a b****. And later on he was upset. My daughter crushed it by telling him when he called that she didn't want to hear about the other girl and far as she was concerned this conversation was over not to ever call her again. I think he was not expecting to hear that and for a change somebody beat him to the punch line. As my daughter would put it He Got Served !!
What a lovely day for a 740463! SCK was here