No, he doesn't have feelings for you. Maybe he did at one point, but now you're just the person he has sex with behind his wife's back. Because if he cared about you in any other than an easy lay, he would have left his wife for you.
Four years is a long time. When your affair began back in 2007, Bush was running out the clock on his presidency. The Sopranos finale was inspiring heated debates (A black screen?? Seriously??) and angry emails directed at HBO. And a young Chic Geek was looking forward to a little movie called Transformers, blissfully unaware that it would feature a scene of a dog urinating on his beloved childhood characters and go on to inspire two equally terrible sequels. This guy isn't stalling--he's found someone who he can have no-strings-attached sex with and he's stretched it nearly to the next presidential election. You're his mistress, his secret lover, the "other woman," his "goomah" as they said on the aforementioned The Sopranos. What you are not is someone with whom he has any intention of leaving his wife for.
Ask yourself this: In four years, has he ever told you that he loves you? (Post-coital "I love you's" don't count.) Has he said that he would leave his wife for you, but wants to wait until his kids are older? Has he given you any indication that you are more than a very long fling for him? Calling, texting, and "occasionally hanging out" is what single guys do with someone they're casually dating or see as nothing more than a friend with benefits. But if a married guy does that for a long period of time, it means he wants to keep you around as his mistress. Calling and occasionally spending time with you outside of the bedroom is not a sign that he loves you. It's his way of keeping you in his back pocket. He gives you little crumbs here and there to make sure you're around when the wife is out of town at her mother's and he's looking to get laid.
Let's put aside the fact that you've helped him live a lie behind his wife's back for the length of time between Summer Olympics, something that will no doubt cause irreparable damage to his marriage and potentially destroy his poor wife's life should your affair come out. Let's focus on you for a second. Why do you put up with this? Why date a married man? How can that possibly end well for anyone? It's more than clear that he only keeps you around for sex. If that's all you're interested in, hey, it's your life. But clearly you want more. So get out now, and stop dating a married men who has strung you along since the year the final Harry Potter book came out.
Four years is a long time. When your affair began back in 2007, Bush was running out the clock on his presidency. The Sopranos finale was inspiring heated debates (A black screen?? Seriously??) and angry emails directed at HBO. And a young Chic Geek was looking forward to a little movie called Transformers, blissfully unaware that it would feature a scene of a dog urinating on his beloved childhood characters and go on to inspire two equally terrible sequels. This guy isn't stalling--he's found someone who he can have no-strings-attached sex with and he's stretched it nearly to the next presidential election. You're his mistress, his secret lover, the "other woman," his "goomah" as they said on the aforementioned The Sopranos. What you are not is someone with whom he has any intention of leaving his wife for.
Ask yourself this: In four years, has he ever told you that he loves you? (Post-coital "I love you's" don't count.) Has he said that he would leave his wife for you, but wants to wait until his kids are older? Has he given you any indication that you are more than a very long fling for him? Calling, texting, and "occasionally hanging out" is what single guys do with someone they're casually dating or see as nothing more than a friend with benefits. But if a married guy does that for a long period of time, it means he wants to keep you around as his mistress. Calling and occasionally spending time with you outside of the bedroom is not a sign that he loves you. It's his way of keeping you in his back pocket. He gives you little crumbs here and there to make sure you're around when the wife is out of town at her mother's and he's looking to get laid.
Let's put aside the fact that you've helped him live a lie behind his wife's back for the length of time between Summer Olympics, something that will no doubt cause irreparable damage to his marriage and potentially destroy his poor wife's life should your affair come out. Let's focus on you for a second. Why do you put up with this? Why date a married man? How can that possibly end well for anyone? It's more than clear that he only keeps you around for sex. If that's all you're interested in, hey, it's your life. But clearly you want more. So get out now, and stop dating a married men who has strung you along since the year the final Harry Potter book came out.
When a man strings the same woman along year after year, whether he is married to someone else or not, it means that he has found someone whom he can use with the least possible effort.
It's not worth it to stick around with a married man. Your affair is gonna come out at some point, because, let's face it, karma sucks. His wife is gonna have her poor heart broken, and if this guy is insensitive enough to hurt the women he's supposed to be with for better or worse, he'll hurt you too. The guy doesn't love you, he won't leave his wife, and all three of you are gonna get hurt. Best to get out now before it all comes out while you're still the other woman. I just feel bad for his wife. And his kids too, if he has them.
All of these cheating questions on guyspeak are so disheartening. Who are these people??? Are affairs really so common?? Does nobody know the value of loyalty anymore? Doesn't anyone respect marriage? Do these people feel no shame? It breaks my heart.
Thank you for voicing exactly what I was thinking!
ditto
I was originally disheartened too, but keep in mind - if a couple DIDN'T have cheating/affairs/excessive problems, then they WOULDN'T find the need to ask a question. I mean, no one's going to say "My marriage is going so well. My husband's great. I've been with him 15 years. What do I do?"
The wife will feel humiliated when she finds out because she has no idea an affair was/is going on. The other woman allows herself to be used knowing he is married, belonging to someone else. He does not honestly love anyone but himself...
I disagree. He doesn't love anyone, including himself.
Sweety he's never going to leave his wife for you because he already has you! Why would you even want him? so you can be the next poor wife to his new mistress? go find a man who really loves & respects you. (a single man please)
I’m just curious what did he say to make you sleep with him in the first place? Did you think it was ok at the time? Now?
Hahaha it was your reference to the final HP book that really made me see the long, sad, drawn-out, helpless nature of this affair. The year of the final HP book to the year of the final HP movie? That's been FOREVER!
Hahaha it was your reference to the final HP book that really made me see the long, sad, drawn-out, helpless nature of this affair. The year of the final HP book to the year of the final HP movie? That's been FOREVER!
They can celebrate four years of infidelity with a screening of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2."
Men and women with low self-esteem and no empathy cheat on their spouse. How sad that they are so selfish.
I feel for he kids and the wife because they are innocent. The poor wife mayb thinking she's fulfilling her wifely and motherly duty.
Switch the situation around, I don't think he OW would want to be in th wife's shoes.
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I have to say that for the last couple of hours i have been hooked by the amazing posts on this blog. Keep up the great work.
I've been having sex with the same married man for 11yrs, I am also married, he's honest about his feelings to me he tells me he lives his wife wool not divorce her. I enjoy sex with him more than I do my husband he's told me he loves me when he moved out from his wife 8 yes ago, my reply was " what?". He didn't repeat it and got back with his wife. We still see each other when we can do I tell him I love him? Or do u think he'll leave me. I do love him but not like I do my husband. I think were both using each other for what we don't get out of our marriage
krb you are a fucking slut!
So how about giving the woman who is seeing the married man some advice on HOW to stop seeing this man. How to put it behind her and move forward. It's obviously real for her, these feelings she has for him. How does she turn them off and walk away. She undoubtedly knows the situation she is in is very wrong, that it can only end badly. The attachment or maybe addiction that has developed over the years is real. It's an obstacle to overcome. What words of advice or direction can you give her? Name calling isn't helpful at all, so what is your intent?
I met up with my man in a club on what turned out to be his stag night. We did a lot of staring into each others eyes and when he kissed me it was magical. Neither of us believed in love at first sight but at that instant i suddenly did. He came homewith me that night and all we did was talk. He told his wife to be 3 days later and even though all i wanted to do was jump his bones we held off from sleeping together for a month. We stayed happy for 5 years then i found out he'd been sleeping with his original woman. In bits and pieces but i had to accept that karma is a beeyatch. Don't know what to say to help other than i am proof you'll get through it. I promise you.
I met up with my man in a club on what turned out to be his stag night. We did a lot of staring into each others eyes and when he kissed me it was magical. Neither of us believed in love at first sight but at that instant i suddenly did. He came homewith me that night and all we did was talk. He told his wife to be 3 days later and even though all i wanted to do was jump his bones we held off from sleeping together for a month. We stayed happy for 5 years then i found out he'd been sleeping with his original woman. In bits and pieces but i had to accept that karma is a beeyatch. Don't know what to say to help other than i am proof you'll get through it. I promise you.