Every previous girlfriend cheated on him? Yikes. Remind me to never get on the same plane as this guy, cause that is some serious bad luck right there. Seriously, I want to buy this guy a slice of pie or something. He has had it rough.
I have to wonder why he constantly plays the role of the cuckold. (What? That's not dirty! Look it up.) Is he a poor judge of character? Was he cheating on them as well? Is he attracted to deceitful women? Or is he just cursed like Charlie Brown trying to kick the football, only in this case the football drunkenly fools around with her coworker at a holiday party?
The only thing you can do is be as loving, caring, honest, and open as you can. Because, yeah, he's probably got some trust issues. Saying you'll be faithful isn't going to cut it. Clearly he's heard that one before. The fact that you're engaged is about as much of an indication of his trust as you're going to get. Now it's up to you to prove with your actions that you're different than the many, many women who've done him wrong.
I have to wonder why he constantly plays the role of the cuckold. (What? That's not dirty! Look it up.) Is he a poor judge of character? Was he cheating on them as well? Is he attracted to deceitful women? Or is he just cursed like Charlie Brown trying to kick the football, only in this case the football drunkenly fools around with her coworker at a holiday party?
The only thing you can do is be as loving, caring, honest, and open as you can. Because, yeah, he's probably got some trust issues. Saying you'll be faithful isn't going to cut it. Clearly he's heard that one before. The fact that you're engaged is about as much of an indication of his trust as you're going to get. Now it's up to you to prove with your actions that you're different than the many, many women who've done him wrong.
I can tell you from experience that yes, if you are faithful, eventually your fiance will trust you, but it will take a lot of hard work, and a lot of doubt on his end for quite some time (I know that doesn't seem fair), with you being the one who has to constantly prove that you are being faithful. Eventually as time goes on, and he catches you in situations where he would be worried that you might be cheating (i.e. text messages, email, going out with friends, etc.), but you can prove that you are not, he will begin to realize that you are faithful, and the trust will come. The best thing you can do right now is give him time to realize that you are faithful, and though it may seem annoying, be willing to explain yourself to him when he asks, until he finally realizes that he no longer needs to ask you.
All I can think of is that it takes two people to dance, and he apparently keeps ending up doing the same steps, and apparently it's never his fault....
Don't know exactly where I'm going with this but it sounds there might be more going on in there somewhere.And I wonder what the story sounds like from the other side of the fence, you know? But I'm skeptical like that.
I can't help but think if the genders were reversed in this question the advice would be different. If a woman has trouble trusting her male fiance because she's been cheated on in the past I think the advice would be:
1) that she has issues and should seek counseling (i.e. it's her problem not his)
2) that a relationship without trust isn't a very good relationship at all and should probably end
I think Nick's advice and the question asker must be very compassionate to the tough situation this guy is in. I just wish in life (and on this website) that the girl with trust issues wouldn't get labelled a paranoid crazy woman while the guy behaving the same way is a sympathetic figure.
Agreed. The woman is nearly always crazy, and the man is nearly always to be pitied. Bullshit.
I went out with someone like this a while ago. Four years later, he still didn't trust me, accused me of cheating. I never ever cheated, ever. I worked my butt off to convince him, and he still didn't believe me. I finally had to leave. Guys like this who have been hurt so much need to work things out within themselves before getting involved with someone else, because to be constantly accused of cheating is like being called a liar all the time.
The question is why did they cheat on him? He's not doing something right,it's alway the woman who be asking why is her man cheating on her. Now that the shoes are on the others feet,it's pity him,but when it's the woman, suck it up and try to work it out. We are all human beings and we all have feelings,but men don't care about feelings until it happens to them.that old saying "what goes around comes around",be careful what you do,it might not have been with her maybe one of the other women,who knows? The world rotates in a circle,it goes round and round,maybe he's getting what is do to him. We all need to start to respect and love one another and stop playing games with a person feelings!
I'm seeing a man who's 3 wives cheated on him, and then 2 girlfriends did also. He wants to go slow with our relationship as he's been hurt. He also insists he's ugly as his third wife told him so all the time. I have had 2 abusive relationships but I have healed and do not want to get into another difficult relationship...it took me a long time to get where I'm at now. I really like him, but these issues have raised a red flag, and I don't know whether I should back out or stay the course. Your comments would be appreciated.