What do you mean you can't remember? Were you drunk? In a coma? Are you recovering from amnesia?
It absolutely "counts," whatever that means. Do you belong to Slutty Slut-sluts Anonymous? What are you even talking about? I'm going to go ahead and guess you were drunk when you allegedly had sex. Do you remember who it was with? Do you think you really consented? Was he wearing protection?
The Herp doesn't care if you were passed out or wide awake.
This sexual escapade counts, and it should be a lesson to you. Sounds like you came out of this okay. That is just party luck. Drankin' and blacking out at some dude's place is a recipe for pain cake. Be careful, ladypal.
And, you know, I can't stand that saying "If a tree falls in the forest and there is no one to hear it, does it make a sound?"
Because the answer is "yes." Jeez-dammit. YES! YES! A tree falling makes a sound our ears and brain then perceive. We don't invent the sound in our heads. There is a sound, and we experience it. When we are not there, that experience still occurs, but no one is there to perceive it.
If a damn tree falls in the forest and no one is there, it makes a friggin' sound. It's just that NO ONE HEARS IT.
Rant over. OXOXO
Love it. Totally makes a sound.
Actually, we do invent the sound inside our heads.
Sound only exists if someone is there to hear it, as sound is produced by moving particles and air hitting your ear drum, which is perceived as "sound" by your nervous system. Beings without this network would experience it as a sensation, rather than a sound.
So if a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, it produces no sound, because the sound does not exist. "Sound" is our brain's perception of disturbance within our ear canal, so beings who do not have an eardrum would perceive it as a vibration or sensation, and experience it differently.
If no one is there to hear it, a disturbance still occurs, but not a sound.
Is this a philisophical debate about a tree or a drunk chick who gave someone head?
I'm sure the animals and bugs hear it.... that doesn't count as sound?
hmmm i kind of resent the insinuation that this girl is a slut. i know it was in jest, but still--i had a similar experience to this and i am not a slut by any stretch of the imagination.
i was 16 the first time i ever blacked out drunk--the last thing i remember from that night was kissing and flirting heavily with this guy. woke up in the morning and remembered absolutely nothing (he absolutely did not roofie me--i weigh 120 lbs and had 6 drinks, so that should do it...). i was too ashamed to ever ask the guy what happened--and there were other reasons i didn't want to ask. to this day i do not know what happened, but the signs when i woke up could have only meant the worst.
a few years later, i was torn about whether or not to tell the guy i was currently with whether i was a virgin or not--physically, i probably wasn't. but since i had no recollection of my first and only time, i felt like explaining the situation would just complicate things. especially when i had a clean bill of health and had gotten over how upset i was about it a very long time ago. so i decided not to tell him. and i don't regret it. to this girl i would say: as long as you check to make sure you have no stis, and you can get over any regret you may have--there is no need to dwell on it. just move on. forget about it and don't let it happen again. the tree doesn't have to make a sound UNLESS you are in a serious relationship and just cheated.
i'm getting off topic.
basically, i don't think blacking out drunk and making some bad decisions makes you a slut. people make mistakes and sometimes they really suck. let's try sympathy for this girl instead of the guilt-trip. and the name calling. jeez--we're only human!!
Reformed Player, I usually love your answers, but on this one I think you really screwed up. Is it smart to drink until you black out? Absolutely not. But just because you are unconscious does not mean you consented to sex. It's called rape. In no jurisdiction in the US would sex with an unconscious woman (for whatever reason) be considered consensual sex.
Rather than deride her for her poor choices, or mockingly telling her the sex "counts", you really should have been asking her why she doesn't remember having sex, if she consented to it, and provided her with information for victims of sexual assault (should that be the case). Instead you questioned if she was a slut.
I think the gravity of your error speaks for itself.
Did you even read the first part of his answer? Uh, duh, he DID "ask her why she doesn't remember having sex, if she consented to it," and actually, it's not his job to "provide her with information for victims of sexual assault", so yes, that information was lacking.
Read the question again . . . do you really think this was written by someone who was sexually assaulted and is freaking out about it? Sounds to me like it was written by some superficial girl who's more concerned about whether or not it "counts" as having sex, than someone who's legitimately concerned about her health.
And as for the, "oh, boohoo, she's not a slut, she's just a sexually curious girl" BS that people like to spout, well, you can stuff it. There are too many people--male AND female--having sex with strangers these days. It's thoughtless, careless, selfish, dangerous, and yes, SLUTTY. Do what you will, people, but prepare to be judged by the rest of us. And be prepared to be called a slut.
i wouldn't read too much into the way in which the question was asked. the advice the site gives for asking questions is to try and be funny or write something that will grab attention--it makes it more likely that your question will stand out from the hundreds of other questions and actually be answered.
so, the analogy may be more meaningful in that sense than in proving that the girl who asked is "superficial."
and i wasn't saying she was sexually curious, nor was anyone else. i was just using my own bad experience to show that we shouldn't jump to conclusions about this girl. all i personally know is that not being able to remember parts of a night, let alone having sex, is a scary thing. but i have no idea where this girl in particular is coming from--nor do you or john.
and lastly, i would suggest you get off your high horse. if you're going to throw around nasty names that serve no purpose other than to make yourself feel morally superior and other people to feel worse, i hope you recognize that you are just as susceptible to being judged--no one is perfect.
Hi, jo.
I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to Jennifer.
But you'd do well to learn a little about how the world really works--people judge each other all the time. Oh, and YOU jumped to some conclusions, too, didn't you? I mean, saying we should "try sympathy for this girl"--who says she needs sympathy? She didn't even bother to explain the situation, and yet you assumed something about her . . . see? You do it too.
And I will stay on my "high horse", thank you, because I am not afraid of being judged by others; I have nothing to worry about.
Sandwoman. I'm not even going to debate with you why being sexually curious in this day and age does not make you a slut. You have you're opinion and I have mine, and neither of us will likely convince the other of our own opinion.
Second of all, someone who has been sexually assaulted may mask their fear of admitting what has happened to them with humor. This person came here for answers, not to be judged by you, or anyone else. Who are you to be so morally superior? And if you ask what the foundation for my responses are: I'm an attorney. And while this site may not have any legal responsibility to provide information for victims of sexual assault, one could argue that human decency as an advice forum dictates that they account for all possibilities with respect and full disclosure.
I hope you are never put in a position where you have too much to drink, are slipped something, or are unconscious for any reason, and do not remember what may have happened to you. And with an attitude like yours, no one is likely to ever admit to you that they have had that happen to them. And FYI 1 in 6 women are victims of sexual assault in their life times. Now think about how many women you know, and do the math.
Name calling is juvenile. For example, I might call you an ignorant bitch, but it wouldn't really be appropriate for the forum, would it? Neither is calling someone you have never met a slut. So why don't you leave 1957 behind, and realize that you don't have the right to judge anyone.
Oh dear, must we all be so nasty?
The person who asked the question was asking if the sex she had "counted." My advice on this site has been consistent towards the idea of "sex shame." I don't believe in the concept of the slut. The concept of the "slut" is a social construct designed to use shame in order to control behavior or reinforce gender stereotypes.
Women are "sluts" for expressing themselves sexually. Men "studs" for doing the same. Let your freak flag fly, judge not.
This question asker, to me at least, wanted to know if sex she didn't remember counted. I could only assume the circumstances. But the concern seemed more about whether or not it "counted," as if she had a list of sexual episodes that somehow reflected her self-worth.
The "Slutty slut-slut Anonymous" joke was a joke with teeth. An organization where people admit being a slut? Absurd, especially if one doesn't belive in the concept of the "slut."
I can understand how that could be misinterpreted. But the question asker seemed more concerned with that concept, than any other. A little mocking might serve to shock a person out of that headspace. Re-reading the advice, I suppose it was a little... caustic. Dismissive. Yeah. Sorry.
Again, I don't know the circumstances. I suggested it might not have been consensual. I am not going to invent dots to connect.
If, in the coming weeks, it begins to dawn on her that the sex she doesn't remember was something that was taken from her, versus given, then she should first, speak to a professional, in order to begin recalling the event, and to cushion the emotional response that will come with that realization.
As you point out, sexual assault is shockingly common. There are support structures out there, as victims of assault are not alone. If the question asker where to ask about what to do after a night she doesn't remember, there would have been a different answer. She didn't take her question, or situation, seriously. Maybe I should have taken it more seriously, without being totally hysterical (and in the dark about some details.) Maybe, if she is reading, she will now.
That said, sex always counts.
thanks for responding to the comments, jon--and for breaking up the catfight. things can get pretty heated when the 's-word' starts being thrown around, even if it starts off innocently.
just wanted to say that i don't really fault you for the assumption that you made. i think the possibility of a bad sexual experience while blacked out is something that is more forefront in the minds of women than in men. i think guys tend to worry that they'll get so drunk that they'll sleep with "a dog." girls tend to worry they'll get so drunk that they'll do things they didn't want to do.
i don't want to generalize. even though i kind of am... but in all fairness to you, this site is "guyspeak". your reaction to the question was no less sensitive to the issue of sexual assault than i would expect any other guy to be.
i may have read too much into the question in the opposite direction. after my bad experience, i definitely acted like it didn't faze me. to the point that, among friends, i was making jokes about it within days after it happening. when reading a question about sleeping with someone while blacked out, my mind obviously goes to what is more personal for me. let's hope that your assumptions were right and mine were not--it will make for a much simpler situation for the girl in question.
Sandwoman: I'm not even going to debate with you why being sexually curious in this day and age does not make you a slut. You have your opinion and I have mine, and neither of us will convince the other of what we think.
Second of all, someone who has been sexually assaulted may mask their fear of admitting what has happened to them with humor. This person came here for answers, not to be judged by you, or anyone else. Who are you to be so morally superior. As if you as what the foundation for my answers are: I'm an attorney. And while this site may not have any legal responsibility to provide information for victims of sexual assault, one could argue that human decency dictates that as an advice forum they account for all possibilities with respect and full disclosure.
I hope you are never put in a position where you have too much to drink, are slipped something, or are unconscious for any reason, and do not remember what has happened to you. And with an attitude like yours, it isn't likely anyone would ever admit to you that they've had that happen to them. And FYI, 1 in 6 women are victims of sexual assault in their lifetime. Now think about how many women you know, and do the math.
Name calling is juvenile. For example, I might call you an ignorant bitch, but it would really be appropriate for this forum, would it? Neither is calling someone you've never met a slit. So why don't you leave 1957 behind, and realize you don't have the right to judge anyone.
thanks for responding to the comments, jon--and for breaking up the catfight. things can get pretty heated when the 's-word' starts being thrown around, even if it starts off innocently.
just wanted to say that i don't really fault you for the assumption that you made. i think the possibility of a bad sexual experience while blacked out is something that is more forefront in the minds of women than in men. i think guys tend to worry that they'll get so drunk that they'll sleep with "a dog." girls tend to worry they'll get so drunk that they'll do things they didn't want to do.
i don't want to generalize. even though i kind of am... but in all fairness to you, this site is "guyspeak". your reaction to the question was no less sensitive to the issue of sexual assault than i would expect any other guy to be.
i may have read too much into the question in the opposite direction. after my bad experience, i definitely acted like it didn't faze me. to the point that, among friends, i was making jokes about it within days after it happening. when reading a question about sleeping with someone while blacked out, my mind obviously goes to what is more personal for me. let's hope that your assumptions were right and mine were not--it will make for a much simpler situation for the girl in question.
oops i spelt your name wrong. and posted my comment twice. sorry!!
spelt? seriously? ...... that's actually a type of grain.
The situation is a little strange for me (as I don't remember and didn't go into the night with the intention of sleeping with anyone), but after listening to various accounts from my friends, I have no doubt that I consented. But although I know that that drunk girl consented, I feel so removed from the event that I don't really feel I did. The idea that I lost several hours of time is very scary to me, and that coupled with the dangers (and yes, shame) of promiscuity is terrifying.
I asked the question because I'm not a slut, and I don't take my sexual actions lightly. However, in retrospect, I'm not sure what answer I was looking for. I think that I was looking for a place to talk about it, raise questions, and have them taken seriously. A sounding board. When I spoke to my friends about this, they weren't particularly keen to talk about it, and when I returned to the topic, didn't understand why I hadn't already gotten over it.
I didn't realize the post would cause so much controversy, nor did I expect the dismissive attitude of RefP (whose answers I usually enjoy). My glib comment was intended to catch the eye. I expected the question to speak for itself; obviously I care about this, otherwise I wouldn't have thought to ask the question. It's all right if you think I'm a slut, right now I'd almost agree with you. Usually, though, I feel ownership towards my actions; here, I feel ownership for getting drunk, but distraught and confused about what came after that.
how do we know the person asking this question was female? if it was a male, would you people be so concerned about him being called a slut?
also, getting blacked-out drunk at 16 makes you not the classiest person, this is not the forum to get sympathy, obviously, we all judge you for that. it is natural to judge a person, regardless if they deserve it or not. so, forgetting that your had intercourse makes this person completely skanky.
also, a person that maybe was taken advantage of would not include the quote "If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it still make a sound?" i automatically thought it was a dude that asked that because trees get plowed, just like chicks get plowed.... so, yah.
this answer is offensive. i find it obnoxious that people think they have the right to sit at their computers and judge the girl who wrote this question or any girl who shows some sympathy for her. also, read the comment above you. that might clarify some things for you about who the original poster was.
i have been checking the comments under this question periodically in hopes that the original poster would post some sort of clarification of what happened (she did--see OP). OP, i am sorry to hear your friends are brushing off the uneasiness you still feel about what happened. and i strongly urge you to talk to someone else about it who will take your concerns seriously. as much as i want to help you, you are not going to get the kind of personalized advice on this site that you would get from talking to someone face-to-face.
to cherry blossoms--i am truly enraged by your comment. i refuse to believe that one drunken mistake makes me a skank. so it would have been less skanky if i was totally cognizant the whole time, had sex with someone i barely knew, and had zero regret about it? okay, i guess i'll have to keep that in mind in the future...
and i absolutely did not post my experience "to get sympathy." i brought it up because my reaction to the question seemed to be vastly different than any of the other posters at that point. i brought it up to point out that the question might not be as simple as john seemed to think. and i brought it up so that if the girl who asked the question did read the comments, she would at least feel like there was one person out there who was offering her understanding rather than judgement.
I had sex with 6 women consiously... Unconciously around 200 does it count? Yes, even the thought of sex is sex so Lord have mercy on us all