Ah, the old "how soon is too soon?" gift issue. This is a delicate balancing act in new relationships. What is the proper amount of time to wait before you start exchanging gifts on birthdays and holidays? If you give a gift too soon into the relationship, do you run the risk of putting pressure on the other person? And how large should the gift be early on in the relationship? Though Christmas and Hanukkah have passed, I think this still a very valid question, what with birthdays, and Valentine's Day right around the corner.
Personally, I think eight months is well into the gift-giving stage of the relationship. I would say a month or two is safe gift exchanging territory. But then I like giving (and receiving) presents. He may feel differently. Maybe he figured that since it is a casual relationship, you wouldn't be exchanging gifts. Or perhaps he's one of those Scrooge types who doesn't get into the holidays, and therefore
didn't think to exchange gifts.
But I think the problem may be that the
expectations in the relationship aren't clear. Since you did get him a nice gift, you are invested in this relationship and perhaps want it to become less casual. Do you think that you were just in the Christmas spirit, or is the gift
a sign that you were thinking of him and wanting the relationship to
develop into something more? This could be a sign that it's time to address your feelings. Clearly you are now into the "he forgot my present" stage. Maybe it's time to start judging his long-term boyfriend potential.
Hopefully he appreciates the gift, and will reciprocate in some way. He could have assumed you weren't doing presents, and now he's backpedaling and hitting post-holiday sales in order to make it up to you. Give him a chance to respond. If he doesn't respond with a gift or some sort of thank you gesture, he probably isn't as invested in the relationship as you are and perhaps isn't worth your time.
Like I said, eight months seems more than reasonable to start exchanging presents, and I can certainly understand if you feel upset or weird by his failure to play Papa Christmas. This could be a sign of his level of commitment, or it could be that he plain forgot. If he doesn't come through with something, talk to him about how your feeling. Perhaps it's a good idea to let him know what you expect and need at this point in the relationship. Then give him another shot, and see how he does on Valentine's Day. That'll be the real litmus test of the relationship.
Why didn't you ask him what he wanted for christmas? That would automatically get him thinking you were going to by him something. It would also give him the perfect opportunity to do the "Let's not exchange gifts" dance so you don't end up in an awkward situation like that Target commercial.
Yeah I agree I think 8 months is well into gift-giving territory. But, it's always best to have that gift-exchange discussion before the day so there's no awkward surprise...
Well, now you have the perfect opportunity to have a conversation about it. :-) Just don't be upset. If you didn't discuss it beforehand, then you really don't have any right to be mad, but you can be curious and explain your feelings on the matter.
Just be like, "Is this a good moment to bring something up?" (if yes, then continue) "I was sort of surprised at Christmas when I gave you a present but you didn't do the same. How do you feel about gift-giving?" Something like that maybe. Calm and collected for an adult conversation... drama-free zone :-)
Well, assuming you are teenagers, it may be that he, like most teens, is broke. After buying presents for family, maybe he just didn't have money left for friends/girlfriend's presents.
Generally if someone isn't spending christmas with me, I don't get them anything... It's not a rule I have, just more of an out of sight, out of mind thing, and I honestly don't expect anything different from them.
It's not a slight or anything, but there's too much going on to remember everyone