He doesn't think you're stupid. He just thinks he's clever for getting away with it. And I think you need to grow a spine, preferably one made of bone, not soggy noodle.
He needs to know that you know he knows you know. If for any reason, so you can ruin his fantasy that he's the sneakiest snacker ever to sneak a snack. It is time to piss on his ice cream cone. It might not stop him from cheating, but it will stop him from thinking he can do anything he wants.
I can already tell your husband is probably one smug son-of-a-bitch. He doesn't think you're stupid, and that's because he doesn't think about you.
As of right now, he's very proud of the fact that he's being a naughty boy and has not been punished. Without negative repercussions, why would he stop? He might not know that you know. Or he might interpret your silence as tacit approval of his philandering. He's not going to ask questions, though. He just wants to continue doing what he's doing. If I were him, I'd want to preserve the status quo at all costs.
I think you should confront him. Should you divorce him? Hell, I don't know. There's a reason people don't get locked-up for committing crimes of the heart. We'd all be in the joint. Couples can survive infidelity. But you should confront him. Do it for your self-respect. And do it because it's not fair that you're miserable and he's not.
He needs to know he's hurting someone.
His actions have consequences; he's gotten his rocks off enough that it's time he be reminded that he has a wife. I'll bet a million internet dollars that the prick weeps like a chubby cub scout lost in the woods.
I agree. You need to grow a spine and leave him! You don't need him. Be a strong woman in your own right. Everyone deserves to be happy and you shouldn't have to worry for the rest of your life if he's cheating on you (and you will worry about it forever). If you're staying for the kids, thats just wrong. They will feel the tension and resentment. That also sends a message to your kids that its ok to cheat. Your sons will cheat and walk all over their wives and your daughters will think its ok if they're being cheated on. You have to think about the message you're sending them
right on.
There are a few valid points here from other comments that all point towards you leaving him but its not always that easy!(& NO I havnt been cheated on to my knowledge.) People are so quick to contribute to making the vows between a man & a woman seem meaningless.While I agree that the act of cheating & lack of loyalty should make any man or woman rethink a relationship,& if you happen to be the person that got cheated on you owe it to yourself to analyze the machanics of your relationship before that as well as after if you consider staying.Like John said you should really confront him with his balls in your hand demanding to know everything you need to know to help ease your mind.& you should also be allowed to trample on every piece of what happened with whom,right on down to her blood type!!Its your job as his wife to send him spiraling into panic damage control mode.Make him REALLY know you know he cheated & if you dont plan to leave him you make damn sure the thought alone of him doing it again will make him have nightmares!The catch22 of it all is,if you choose to stay after you talk it out accepting his promises to do better you simply have to let it go.He cant keep reliving his mistakes because you cant control your emotions.GOODLUCK THOUGH!!
I did cheat on my husband with a close friend of ours. i realized i was not happy. i was having fun with this person. the sex was not good.i felt it was my problem and felt i needed to end the marriage and to not ever tell him since that could be the most hurtfull thing and i would hate for him to have that in his mind forever. i will keep it to myself, forgive myself and know that im not the person for him becouse of what i did. its my way i guess of sticking it to myself and leave the marriage. infidelity is terrible and i of course dont think most people would react in the way i did by fileing for divorce. dont get me wrong, there were more issues and its why i put myself in the situation i was in.. i cheated and left. why saty if he cheated. maybe you can figure out why it happened? but i would never be able to get past what i did if i stayed married. do you think he can or better question can you get past that. good luck to you
Initially I would not advise the O/P to leave her husband, but I would advise her to leave him temporarily. Seriously, grow a spine. Sleep at moms for the rest of the week, let him know you are not happy with his actions and never will be. If he does not show remorse, THEN leave him for good.
Good answer. Oh did my ex weep, and sob, and beg and while I didn't revel in it I did know that's what he deserved. There certainly are consequences to their actions.
I think every single person is capable of cheating and while it's a huge betrayal, it happens all the time. Cheating is easy and it takes a strong person to say no to it. Personally, I've never cheated, but that's mainly because Christopher Walken and Uma Thurman don't travel to Edmonton, Ab often :P
A relationship can certainly survive cheating, there are books on it and counselors trained specifically to help couples get over the affair. I think it really depends on the two people involved and what is keeping you in the relationship. All challenges should remind you about why you're there and why it's worth it to stick it out.
To me, being cheated on was not a strike against my personality, physical, or even sexual traits. It showed me I choose to be with a man weaker than myself and I knew instantly I deserved better. I also have no preconceived notions that I will never be cheated on again or that the next one will be perfect. The risk of getting hurt is well worth the insanity of love.
Whatever you decide to do, know your reasons and know that things could still change..all of that is ok. Every person that's been cheated on contemplates going back/staying with their parter, it's part of the process. Take your time and work things out for yourself. I hope the people in your life respect whatever decision you make. Being cheated on is hard enough, having everyone else tell you what you need to do just adds to the shame you already feel for making the 'wrong' choice in a partner. Devore is right though, strength is absolutely necessary.
Its so easy to say leave someone for cheating, but relationship aren't always so cut an dry. Like JDV once said ... " Relationships have two sides, like grilled cheese sandwiches"... And while, I don't think anyone deserves to get cheated on, it stems from somewhere. Maybe it stemmed from a wife not necessarily being involved in her husbands life anymore, and he needed some companionship, or maybe it stemmed from him being a total fudge wit booty hole. Who knows.... Personally I'd leave him, because I simple cant stand the thought of anyone lying or deceiving me or that level of disrespect, and sneakiness it takes to cheat on someone that you're married too. But there is a reason why "marriage counselors" make hand over fist in pocket change.
"so you can ruin his fantasy that he's the sneakiest snacker ever to sneak a snack." ~ LOL..I loved this!
And.."I can already tell your husband is probably one smug son-of-a-bitch. He doesn't think you're stupid, and that's because he doesn't think about you." ~ Is the perfect response!
I agree wholeheartedly that he needs to know that he is hurting someone, he also needs to know that his actions have consequences.
You know that Carrie Underwood song... Oh you know the last line says something like "Cause the next time that he cheats, I know it won't be on me." Just because you still love him and you're not ready to leave him doesn't mean you shouldn't. What you're doing is like waiting at the train station and saying the train will hold for you again and again while you get your things, not learning it leaves every time... When are you going to get on the train and get where you need to go?