Wow, that's a toughie. Each Guyspeaker has so much to offer; like a Whitman's sampler of pure blogging virility. Assuming I can't pick myself (I think that causes some kind of time paradox, or at the very least breaks an incest law or two), I suppose I'd have to fall back on objective analysis. Like so.

Girls' BFF - Pros: Baldness implies high testosterone levels (good for producing my precious children), may come bundled with one side of a woman's face (more bang for your buck). Cons: Apparently just wants to be my friend; may have to stalk, coerce or drug into returning my affections, and that can be a real pain in the ass.

Chic Geek - Pros: Automatically makes me look cooler by comparison, can get me bootlegs of essentially any science fiction show ever made, and will stay up with me playing Starcraft 2. Cons: Probably expects me to pool our spell components just because we're dating, even though I harvested that Gryphon talon MYSELF, thank you very much.

Reformed Player - Pros: He's reformed, which means he's got a lot of guilt issues that it will be easy to take advantage of for my benefit. May come bundled with a pair of attractive hands (could be a false positive; those may be his hands). Cons: Once a player, always a player. How do I know he's not running those sexy hands all over someone else's avatar when he says he's "staying late at the office for a penis meeting?" Come to think of it, I'm almost sure he is.

Wise-Ass - Pros: There's no one out there who can't benefit from a little wisdom now and again. Plus his playful smirk makes me think he'd be equally at home fixing my car or starring as the Dad in an ABC summer fill-in show. Cons: There's a bit of an age gap, and his wife and children don't really vibe with me sexually.

Mystery Man - Pros: Short and to the point. Cons: Possibly a computer algorithm.

Gal Pal - Pros: Would make it a lesbian relationship, which is as socially progressive as it is hot. Cons: Once again, sees me as nothing more than a "pal." If I'm to make any headway, I'll probably have to get her to switch teams first, so to speak.

All in all, I've got to go with the Mystery Man. We're just so alike: he doesn't talk much, when he does it's usually bitter or sarcastic, and his face is obscured almost all of the time.

Well, two out of three ain't bad.