I don't know. It depends on who you ask. But what you're asking for is a moral judgment, and those are dangerous (which is my polite way of saying they suck).
Who's to say what's too many? Not me. Twelve partners in 22 years might sound high, but what's the norm? I don't know. Even if that number is above the norm, so what? Why are you asking? Are you a guy trying to figure out if his girlfriend is a "whore"? Or a woman who regrets how many people she's taken to bed?
People are different. Some start shagging earlier, some start later. I think we can all agree that kids having sex at age 12 or 13 isn't a good thing, but for all I know, your girl (or you) was a virgin until she hit 21 and then went on a boink-a-thon for a year. To each her own. Who are we to judge?
So don't judge.
If you're the boyfriend and you love this woman, let it go. It doesn't matter. It's not really your business, anyway. If you're the woman in question and worried that you've slept with too many people, don't. You can't do anything about it now, and I'm sure you're not the only one with that many partners. If you think it's a mistake, fine, it's a mistake. We all make them. We live and learn. Life goes on.
If you are the woman in question, the good news is (if you see it that way), is that you're definitely not an anomaly.....or maybe I just hang out/room with a couple of other anomalies.
Keep in mind though , use a rubber (always, even if she didnt have a high number) . When I heard my boyfriends number it raised an eyebrow lol . But thats life, and I agree dont be judgmental . We all have a past
Well said. We can only see life from our own perspective. I don't think we can ever fully understand what motivates someone else or why they do the things they do. If you want to build a future with someone, you have to be able to let go of their past.
And yes, if the person asking the question IS the person in question and is having regrets, then she should forgive herself, learn from her mistakes, and get on with life.
Well, if you ask me, its not the number of guys, its the type of situation with guys that is "judgeable" if they judge you. Having a lot of boyfriends could put you over the number of someone who's just trying to get picked up at a bar. As long as you're a '"relationship girl" and not "an easy/slutty girl" I think that's what matters. Its the labeling to guys, not really the number. Who shares their number or asks anyway? Not me, haha. As long as you use condoms, and get tested regularly, then the number doesn't matter.
BTW, I've had a threesome too. I don't think that it makes me "judgable". I ended up dating the guy afterward (I was the invitational, if you will) so I don't think he was judging me.
As for 12, I think that's not above normal. I think my close friends are all at 11 (for some random reason they are like in sync or something haha) and were just 21. I think the OP is fine. I wouldn't judge her, if that means anything.
Great answer!! Very balanced and mature - enjoy reading your responses!
im 26 ive had a threesome with 2 guys and one with a guy and girl ive had over 20 partners .. whats the big deal .. its sex we experiment we have to fool around to find the '' perfect '' mate .. unless your a prude or someone who wants to wait until marriage it shouldnt be a problem.. your probably just jealous cause u only had like 3 partners ..
Cary's right. In the words of Macbeth, "What's done is done."
Do I regret some things I've done? Sure I do. Can I do anything about it? Nope. It's not worth beating yourself up over.
Life is meant to be lived.
If your girl is 22 and has had a threesome and 12 partners at least you know she probably went to college.
and if a girl is 23 and she is still a virgin ? what do guys think of that? is that normal???
I wouldn't worry so much about it. Lose your virginity when you're ready to, not because you feel pressured to. While some guys may freak, I bet there's some guys out there who would find you quite intriguing. It means you're selective, not willing to give it up to any Joe Blow who crosses her path. And this can be a good thing. But this can also attract the douches who want to be the first to "crack the shell and eat the nut."
But this trait is like any other, just like how some guys like short girls, some like tall girls, and others don't really care. Some guys don't care whether you're experienced or not, they just love you for who you are. And those are the ones you should be dating anyways.
okay my boyfriend has been with over 30 people and he just turned 20.. i do not think your situation is bad at all.. and hes had a relationship with most of them.. and a few were his freshman year in college to get back at his ex. and i dont consider him bad thats his past.. and even though im a virgin i respect him enough not to hold that against him
He's had a relationship with most? At least 15 women by the age of 20? Do you guys live in Utah and he's into that polygamy thing? Unless you define relationship very loosely.....
You need to train teenage guys how not to be jerks...just saying haha
Because you always have really great answers and never seem judgemental at all. Either that or you could make it big as a therapist haha
There's nothing wrong with it at all. Some guys like that kind of thing and aren't upset at the fact that it happened, just that they weren't apart of it.
I wouldn't say twelve is a lot; if you're single and you only have sex a few times a year, it doesn't take long at all to reach that. I've known and loved women who've had many more than that. It's a tired stereotype that women aren't allowed to enjoy sex the same way men are allowed to, and it makes me sad when I see men who react negatively to women asserting themselves sexually.
You are absolutely awesome.I dont know very many guys who think like that! Its very refreshing : )
I HATE the sex number personally. As long as you get tested regularly and use condoms then it's no ones business but your own, I mean as long as you aren't sleeping with other people when your in a committed relationship. I think mostly people use it as a way to try and find out if you're really serious about them or not. Which really isn't fair but I guess would make sense.
I'm 22 and I don't know anyone who hasn't had at least 4/5 sex partners.
I'm sorry, if you went to University especially, it's just what happens.
We don't have to keep ourselves virgins for "the one" any more - so fun is had by all! :)
If you are questioning whether she is a slut. In your mind she is a slut.
Move on or slut it up with her and move on.... Doesnt sound like love.