"Is this normal?" is, as a question, usually totally irrelevant. What's normal? In Iran, normal is not dating until marriage. For some, normal is bagging six wives and retiring to the compound. Normal changes, normal will always change, and using it to guide your behavior is usually a hot ticket to mediocrity and a generally "meh" lifestyle.
If you've never gotten a relationship past the six month mark, then yeah, it's fair to say you don't have a lot of practice, or a proven track record, when it comes to long-term commitment. That's just a skill, like archery or licking your elbow. If gaining that skill is valuable to you, you'll need to devote some time to honing it at some point.
So don't expect to neglect your relationship-building skills for twenty years and then go pick out a husband, any more than you'd spend an afternoon fooling around on a skateboard and then sign up for the X-Games. But you're 22. You HAVE time. You could waltz through 10 more "pointless" six-month relationships before you even need to worry about "settling down," and learn valuable lessons from each.
Or you could have satisfying six-month relationships for the rest of your life. Or move to Argentina, live in a convent and write sprawling international political thrillers.
The vast majority of people in this world have "finding a soul mate" as one of their primary goals, so it can sometimes feel like there's no way to have a complete life if you're not slavishly devoted to the Quest for Love. But screw that noise. If you're happy, you're happy; there's no way to distort that, and there's no one who can tell you you're not doing it right.
If you know what you want right now, and that's friendship and studies, go for it. Those are two areas where you're not going to find a lot of objectors; studying a lot is still considered a good thing by most members of society. If you want something else later, you can pursue that later. "Normal" doesn't enter into it.
You've got heteronormative covered in your tags but what about the hegemonic paradigm?
I'd add to the questioner, be sure you choose your focus and stick to it. It's great to buckle down and study and build friendships; but if you feel pressured, like you "should" date, it's unfair to any girl who can't get your full attention.
As for your mom, I'd tone her out. Mine must have thought I was gay or something when I didn't really date during seven years of school, but I was pretty much on the market once I'd accomplished that goal.
is it something that moms are predisposed to do? make sure their daughters are marraige ready? too often my mom's sentences start with, 'no one will marry you if ...'. and when i say, 'that's not what i'm interested in right now,' she looks at me like i'm bat shit crazy.
even though we live in a time when we can do ALMOST anything we want without worrying about getting a scarlet letter, a lot of old world views still trickle down and mess with our heads.
even though your mother's focus differs from yours, i think susan b. anthony would be very proud of you!
Uh...You just claimed that normalcy was relative and then described mediocrity as an absolute.
I stopped reading after that. Men are supposed to consistent, like pubic hair length. Consistent and logical.
heteronormative media socialization and you? where do you come up with such amazing tag lines?
Amen to everyone above for the advice on "tuning your Mom out". I think it's genetically wired into all mothers, that they instantly want to see their daughters get married. They want to re-live their own marriage (or fantasies about marriage) by watching their daughter have a wonderful wedding. And of course they worry about you when you live all alone.
I am glad I live 900 miles away from my mother! She's way involved in my sister's love life, because my sister lives closer to her. Of course my sister is OK with that, because it's always mom she's running to with questions and advice about relationships.
I on the other hand went to university for 7 years, coming out with a BA and an MA. I traveled abroad twice in university. I moved 900 miles away for an internship on a whim after graduation that turned out to put me in a great position to have my job now, in the field that I love and trained for. My mom "stopped trying to find guys" for me after my BA, because she said she couldn't understand me. And now she's told me that she is worried about me because at 27 years old and single for the last three years, I am "too independent" to ever be in a relationship with a guy. Grrr....
The new normal now is getting married at around age 28...even into the 30's! You are right on track, and there is no need to worry about it. Besides, we all put enough pressure on ourselves to find a partner; why add to it by accepting pressure from you mother!
My mom died a while back, and even if she were still alive, she was pretty against any males.. Anyway, my sister-in-law's mother now acts like my new mother and whenever she can (especially if my sister-in-law is around) she'll attack me with what seems to be a million questions about my love life in a mere few seconds.
Her rapidly asked questions, often echoed by her daughter:
"Has he kissed you? He better not have. What's he waiting for? Is he gay? Do you wanna kiss him? What if he's a bad kisser? I think you've kissed him. Why don't you tell me these things? So are you having sex with him? Do you wanna? You better not! Wait 'til he marries you. He is going to marry you.. Right? Oooh! How long 'til he proposes?! What if he leaves you? Or cheats on you?"
My replies:
"No. He hasn't. He's shy, and he respects me, so he often asks if he can do something before he does it. No, I'm pretty certain he's not. Umm... I dunno.. You're asking too much for me to answer so quickly. I haven't kissed him yet. (To myself: Why? Because you won't stop with the questions..) Nope. Um.. Okay. And if he doesn't propose? I don't know. I don't even know if he plans on marrying me! Then I'll deal with that after it happens. Leave me alone :(
..It can make one insane..
What a lovely day for a 714444! SCK was here