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I'm 24 and I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 years. I really love him, but recently I am beginning to feel like we don't have a future together. Do I end something that is good now if I feel like it won't work later?

If you knew that your bank was giving earning you 10 percent interest on your saving but was going to go bankrupt in two weeks, would you leave your money in that bank?

I'd pull my money out faster than Usain Bolt running a 10-yard dash.

While it's not a perfect analogy, I have to wonder why you'd stick around in a relationship that you knew was going nowhere? You owe it to yourself and to the guy you're dating to be honest and be like, look, this isn't going to lead any where further than its gone thus far, I don't think you're the guy I see myself with forever and we've had three great years together. Let's cut our losses and go find somebody to make us happy. It might hurt like hell now but it will hurt way less than when he proposes and you're like, "no, and I think we need to just break up and go our separate ways."

People spend a lot of time in relationships trying to determine if the person they're with is somebody they can see forever with. You've already made that determination. Cut your losses. Go out with a bang.

A literal one and a figurative one. But let him know that it's not him, it's you. You just know yourself and realize what you want and perhaps he doesn't fit that and it's not fair for either one of you to put forth effort for something that you're not feeling anymore.

It was written.

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54 Comments

The Dalai Drama

I disagree.

I wouldn't be so quick to end the relationship. It could just be a passing feeling; a brief glitch of boredom...

Yes, you should remain aware of your feelings but you should address what exactly is making you feel that way -- maybe they're things you can work on? Are you willing to work on them?

It's totally normal for feelings to fluctuate throughout the course of a relationship; I'm sure he's felt the same way about you every now and again. The secret (and reality) to a long-lasting love? Not falling out of love at the exact same time. It just boils down to whether or not you're willing to wait this out...

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Yeah, I disagree, too.

I'm 24, also, and have been married for 6 years (basically since I was 18). They were pretty happy years, but retrospectively, things always seem easier and happier than they are.

Anyway, why do you feel like it won't work later? Why don't you guys have a future together? Does he want something you don't? Perhaps you want something he doesn't? If so, yeah, part ways.

But do you know for certain that you guys don't want the same things? Are you just not that into him? I've been married for quite a while, and I think I'm probably going to be married forever. You don't constantly need to be "in love" to get or stay married, but I think it is ideal to marry someone with whom you were, at one point, madly in love with. I was 16 when I met my husband (he was 17), and we couldn't stay away from each other. Every night, I thought about him and pined for him. Really. No joke. I'm fairly certain he was head over heels for me, too. I don't think we'd be together for so long unless he felt that way for each other at one point in time. I also think marriages that are sort of like business transactions work, too, though. I mean, that's how arranged marriages were, right? They seemed to last a long while. Now, I'm just rambling. My husband's pretty hot, too.

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