When you've outgrown the bar scene and your work isn't particularly suited to love connections, it can be staggeringly difficult to meet new people. Especially single, straight people in your age bracket interested in a relationship who are intelligent and attractive to you.
Add all those attributes together and you'll have some understanding of why we relationship experts call dating "the great secret treasure egg hunt." Well, we don't YET, but I'm trying to get it to catch on.
The bookstore thing is bullshit. People in sitcoms and Hugh Grant movies meet each other at bookstores. And I'm sure at least one person who will comment below this, because you can never make a blanket statement online without a living counter-example popping up.
But by and large, people just don't go to bookstores to scope the room, unless it's a really funky hipster activist bookstore "with a great vibe" and organic coffee, and then all you'll meet is hipsters, so that's no good either.
I met a lot of potential dating partners in school. But, naturally, that ends. So my solution was to fall in love with one right away and cling to her desperately forever. The point being, taking some classes could be a great way to meet guys who are motivated and share at least one interest with you.
Take an improv comedy class at the UCB, or learn to cook french food or salsa at your local rec center. Take a class in something you've always wanted to try...you gain a new skill and get to meet a fresh crop of guys. The same goes for joining a book club or local community organization--your charities, churches, what have you.
The point is, find something to do where you'll actually BE doing something, rather than hanging out like a weirdo at X location looking for men. It gives you more to talk about, and gives you an activity to kill time with while you wait for Mr. Right to walk through the door.
If you're on a busy schedule or just prefer the direct route, there are always online dating sites, or those speed date things. I don't know much about the latter aside from humorous scenes from movies (and that they involve taking lots of speed), but I know a lot of great couples who met online. It's quick, fairly easy, and surprisingly effective at finding you dates that you can stomach for the evening.
Try my handy tips, and you'll be finding YOUR secret treasure egg in no time!
I met my boyfriend online and I'm totally in love. I'm a single mom so it wasn't easy for me to go out whenever I wanted to, online was pretty much the only way to go. I would def. say give it a shot, just be aware that you really have to have the patience to weed out the freaks! :)
hey. look at that. I asked this question. Neat. That's neat.
Anyway. Thanks for the advice. I'm done with school (I just completed an absolutely useless BS. God bless the theatre) and refuse to do online dating.
However, I have just accepted a job in a new part of town where there are a lot of different venues for hobbies. There's a yoga gym next to work.
.... do straight guys do yoga? No? Awesome.
also, also... I love that you guys changed "hey, you like salinger, wanna make out?" to something more suitable.
May I ask WHY you refuse online dating? Seems like you're writing off a valuable tool pretty quickly. Admittedly you have to "weed out the freaks," but they're pretty easy to spot all in all, and there are some quality people online (I'm online right now, for example).
Also, I LOVE yoga. Although my heterosexuality has never been incredibly aggressive or apparent.
well, first of all there are the stigmas that seems to go along with online dating. You know, people are all like "how did you two crazy kids meet?" and you're all like "www.i'm-too-socially-akward-to-meet-people-in-real-life.com"
Oh, and also they have monthly fees. That's too close to paying a pimp for me. Also, that's useful money I could use towards really important things like my friends Kendall Jackson and said yoga classes.
Fair enough about the fees. Although I no longer buy the stigma argument; I know too many wonderful couples who met online to look down on anyone trying to find love on the web. It's just fancy personals ads, after all. I'd be interested to hear from others though...any commenters care to share their opinion? Is there still a huge stigma associated with online dating? Should there be?
There is, actually. Online dating isn't often taken seriously in any way, so if you meet someone online, often times the response(in my experience at least) from friends and family is to just act like it's not real, and pretend you're still single. Sometimes it gets so far into 'this relationship that started online isn't real' that others will try to hook you up with someone in order to get you out of the 'phase'. It's disrespectful, if you ask me.
So what if you met online? It's like you say, Swaim, a lot of wonderful couples have met online and despite what others may think, it's a perfectly valid way of meeting someone with whom you truly connect.
tl;dr - Other people can shove it if you want to find romance online, and they dissaprove. Viva la internet!
online dating doesn't seem to be much of a stigma with people who have higher education versus lower/no education that live closer to bigger cities, but it's still considered a punchline when you're out in the suburbs. i know it seems specific and almost discriminatory, but it's the trend that i've found when i tell people i'm a part of a dating site. ofcourse, there are exceptions. at any rate, it's about 50/50. half the people i know would find online dating embarrassing and the other half advocate it. 5 years ago, it was 10% of my friends supported online dating, and 90% tried really hard not to make fun of me. so it's a really positive trend. i don't know if other people experienced the same thing.
so, ladyfacekilla, i just turned 25 and have a useless BA in philosophy and have grown tired of the men at the bar scene. it's very difficult for me to meet guys that interest me (i'm not saying i'm hot shit or anything, but it's difficult to find someone compatible), so i understand your concern and the lull you're experiencing. but i've tried online dating. i'm not socially awkward, i don't have trouble meeting guys - i just have trouble with compatability. out of the men i've dated through out my short years, the guy that's treated me with the most respect, and was the most caring (who know, might have even loved me), was a guy i met online. he was a good dude. not to say that i also didn't meet guys who were needy or insecure, but that happens off line too.
i would try it before you knock it. there are several sites that are free (okcupid) that cater to your interests. if anything, you'll have decent company while you explore whatever city you're in when you go on dates. really no harm in it. just stay in public, bring mase, and try not to get killed and cut up by those internet weirdos.
LFK, you want to find a nice guy to date and have finally realized that the bar scene is not a great place to start. I don't know whether to congratulate you or to berate you on finding this out so late. I also wonder if you're a reformed skank or just naive. But for this one time, I will give you the benefit of the doubt and go with naivety. I guess those aren't really mutually exclusive either. You could have very well tried loads of guys, loosed up quite a bit and now wondering why you have to do kegels every morning just to keep the tampon from falling out. But I digress.
There are plenty of great places to meet a potential mate. The grocery store is a nice place and guys love to see a nice girl there. It means a few things - she might be down to earth and hey, she might even know how to cook!
Another great place is events (potlucks, bbq's, parties, whatever) held by friends. You always stand a great chance of meeting a nice guy and you can get the low down about him from the friend that throws the event.
Lastly, I hope you already know this but places like bars and clubs are the last places anybody should be looking for a long term partner. If you want to hook up for the night and lose all self-respect and the respect of most guys, that's a great place to start. But yes, you are on the right path. Congratulations!
Ladies' vaginas don't get "lose" after having sex with multiple men. I mean really, girls who hop around from partner to partner are having the same AMOUNT of sex (maybe less if its only on weekends) as girls in relationships- just with more people... so I don't really understand how this fallacy got started. Regardless, its INCREDIBLY IGNORANT to think so.
I myself don't have one-night stands but I do understand science. The only thing that can losen, and its minorly, the vagina is having a baby. Kegels help with that.
Anyway, I do agree with your other suggestions for what to do LFK. Meeting people in places that arent designed to basically match people up is ironically ususally more suitable to than bars, clubs, etc forr meeting a good match.
I agree that a lot of people do put down online dating especially younger people. I have dated online and usually when I tell someone they look at me weird. Online dating is a lot easier than meeting someone offline sometimes. Bars aren't always a great place to meet guys because sometimes they are drunk and a lot of people don't really go to bars or clubs to look for love. I don't think you should knock online dating either. You can meet crazies anywhere! Crimes against people are usully committed by someone they know. Also just about everyone if not everyone is online these days so what if you do it a little bit backwards doesn't matter. I think internet dating is going to become a lot more popular one day.
I have to completely disagree about there being a stigma on online dating. I was a single mom, so I couldn't go out to bars to meet people. I met a guy online, we moved in together after 2 months and were married a year later. Now it's been almost 3 years since we met and we're about to have a baby boy :) And if people ask how we met I say "Yahoo Personals" without hesitation, cuz it does work and I'm not ashamed!!
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