Don't "discuss," it with him. "Discussions" are for performance reviews, book clubs, and his action figure collection. When you're both half-naked, just whisper in his ear "Don't worry about getting me off. Just have fun."
This will probably not compute at first.
When it comes to sex, guys are really results oriented. We think of sex purely in a linear way; foreplay, bouncing it, orgasm. It's difficult for us to wrap our dude-brains around the idea that sex is more than just getting rocks off. It's like tell us that the point of football isn't to score a touchdown. We naturally assume that sex without climax is like NASCAR without explosions: pointless. As a result, if we're not giving you the Big "O," it makes us feel inadequate, and wounds our ego. And the male ego is a noble, fragile thing. Like the mighty Pegasus made out of Swarovski crystal.
To put it in the most cliché terms humanly possible, sex is not about the destination, it's the journey. It's a non-linear mash-up of limbs, sweat, licks and nibbles. Sometimes it's a symphony of squeaking bed springs, slapping bellies, and throaty grunts , and sometimes it just throbs with heat like camp fire coals. This is just the way it is. is Whatever form sex takes on any particular night, it's great fun just the way it is.
In order to have fun in the bed (or on the couch, or the kitchen floor,) you both need to feel comfortable. By lovingly convincing him that the endgame is not the measure of his performance, maybe he'll relax and listen to more to what your body wants. It will also take the pressure off of you to fake orgasms. Faking an orgasm is dishonest to both of you: it doesn't make him a better lover, and it serves only to embitter you.
I'm assuming you can orgasm while masturbating. Introduce a sex toy into the bedroom. Tons of women can't have orgasms through penetrative sex, so it's not a referendum on you or him. The clitoris just needs direct stimulation. Use it while you're both boinking, or after he's done, have him use the vibrator, and his mouth, on you.
Don't "discuss" what you need, or want. Whisper it, giggle, and open yourself up. I'll bet your future lover will do the same.
i had the same problem (and still do), and found out that it was all in my head. i have no problems climaxing on my own, but i could never do it with someone else there. so i decided to start incorporating the things i think about when i masturbate into my sex life (this does not always overlap). certain scenarios, certain fantasies - i decided to act it out - WITHOUT EVEN TELLING HIM. he thought it was fun and exciting to do something different and i climaxed in a matter of minutes.
reformed player is right, you don't have to have a big, serious discussion about it. chances are, if you haven't orgasmed with anyone yet, you might have a mental block. i know i do. and i tell the men i'm with this after being with them for a bit, but i keep it a sentence or two and very nonchalant. i've found that some men consider it a very healthy and very fun challenge. then they start doing whatever they need to do to get you there. all of the sudden, sex becomes even more of an adventure, communication during sex is even more open, and the likelihood of introducing different things in to the bedroom is higher, you find out your likes and dislikes very quickly.
and remember, your lover is only as good as you are. teach him some things, or he's not going to progress sexually. and neither are you.
good luck!
Wait a minute...Why would you need to discuss his action figure collection? There's nothing wrong with covering your desk with tons of action figures. Sure, it might occasionally get out hand, spilling over into the living room and kitchen. And maybe he might, say, stop off at a Wal-Mart before going to a friend's wedding in Virginia to see what Marvel Universe action figures they have. They might have figures he can't find at home, and he really, really needs the Captain America in the WW2 era costume...
On second thought, perhaps you should have a discussion.
If a guy has never seen a porn with a chick diddling her netherbits during, then they have never had internet. I would suggest midcoitus, reaching down there and getting your own rocks off. More likely scenario, he'll not question it, and be real turned on by it.
LOL! You may not like my solution, but I break out the "happy time maker" during foreplay. I'm 29, with a two year old kid, and the husband and I have been married for almost 10 years, so we're both really practical about this sort of thing. I get mine, then he gets his. Then later, maybe I get mine again.