So you've been faking it the whole 2 years? Wow. What a trooper.
I don't understandt he resentment part, considering how you know that it's you and not him. That would presuppose that this is an issue you've had in the past so it's not that he isn't hitting it right, you're just not able to have the big O. I would also assume that you've tried to attain the seemingly unattainable on your own to no avail.
Sucks for you.
Pun.
Anyway, if you're wondering if its right to tell him that you haven't had an orgasm and have been faking them, then it depends. If you just can't have them, then whats the point in telling him AFTER you've been faking them. It's not like he can do anything different. So basically he'll be killing himself trying to get you off and it will never happen until one day he blows a gasket and has a heart attack. How'd you like to have THAT on your resume.
On the other hand, if you are incapable of having one anyway, it isn't like there's anything he can do so telling him won't really ruin anything. It might be a shot to his ego, but it will be one he'll have to live with because it's not him, it's you (or at least that's what you're saying).
Have you gotten that checked out? Not sure if that's something you can get checked out or not, but if my water gun stopped shooting water, I'd be concerned and I'd go get another one. Not that you can get another one, whatever it is exactly, but you get my point.
I'd say just keep it to yourself and let the good times roll. But you need to check the resentment at the door, sister. You cannot resent him for something that is your problem. That's just sdrawkcab.
It was written.
I agree. Why tell him if you know it's not him? you should get it checked out. But it is normal. Some women never have an orgasm their entire lives & sex is only one part of the relationship (although it is an important part). you have to ask yourself, is telling him worth ruining the relationship? Caz if it is, go right ahead & see if you'll find another guy who's like this one (and MIGHT satisfy you.. or do a worse job than your current beau)
Have him perform oral sex on you? Women can hardly climax from vaginal sex anyway.... Sometimes I have a difficult time having an O when I'm not concentrating on what my bf is doing, so try that. Just let your mind go blank and FEEL. gl!
Oh, I can NEVER come from just sex. :) I thought I wouldn't ever be able to orgasm during sexy times (I'm fine doing it myself though) but then I had one of the best nights ever with my ex where we just relaxed and had a romantic bath and then spent the entire evening on foreplay. I came eventually from him playing with my *button*, and then we had the best sex ever! I didn't come from that, but because I'd already climaxed it was pretty darn wonderful! From then on I knew that someone else could make me orgasm and even though it still takes around half an hour/45 mins, I know my fellah is enjoying himself - he's not a selfish kinda guy and loves all the sex stuff.
Sex can still be awesome without an orgasm, but if there's something particular that you do during masturbation that he doesn't do during your intimate moments, then let him know! And it doesn't have to be clinical and boring - it could be him watching you masturbate, cause most guys I know LOVE that :) Then he'll pick up what works for you!
TMI, perhaps? :D
disclaimer to Anonymouse's comment:
Only works if the guy you're doing it with is the NON-selfish type.
You're very lucky Anonymouse...I have a similar sitch, but my ex-bf (yay, everyone cheer for me and give me some pats on the back...I finally broke up with the jerk!) was waaaayyyyyy too selfish to care, and would get impatient. That clearly made me stress out, and you CANNOT climax and stress out at the same time. Stress/self-consciousness KILLS orgasms.
So hopefully, the next guy I find will be more like yours. Ladies, take note.
Wow I'm exactly the same!!! Except I've been faking it for 3 years.... Orgasm by myself fine tho. I shouldn't have started faking, but I think it's too late now to come clean, the blow would be way too big... :S
Sorry, not saying much to help, but just so relieved someone has the same problem as me I had to comment!
Apparently, it is more common than I thought as well. I figured out why I was not getting an oragsm.. I was in my head too much. I had a hard time letting go and just relaxing. I kept worrying about things that were not in my control...
It's super difficult to get off on sex alone. I think I have maybe once, and it was nowhere near as intense as the orgasms that come from oral sex. Very few women can have an orgasm during intercourse, there just isn't enough clitoral stimulation.
If you honestly can't have an orgasm (including through masturbation), get it checked.
have u ever experimented with sex toys maybe a good big dildo would help
I didn't have an O until I started experimenting by myself, I learned what felt good during sex to get to the point where I could orgasm during sex.
I am the same way. My bf can't make me orgasm. Heck, I have never had an orgasm. I still like sex. And we still manage to have fun. The orgasms would be nice but that is not the goal of sex.
I agree with the main point - if you can't have an orgasm get checked!
If you can - not being able to from sex is probably the most commone thing for women after not being able to orgasm from nipple stimulation (which i believe is like only 2% of women)
My boyfriend of 4 years never once made me orgasm during sex - though he began the regimen of getting me off before sex - which made the feeling of sex slightly more intense :D
I will say though that it is possible! After 5 years I did experience this, the keys seem to be stamina, his entry point/angle and being uninhibited.Unfortunately as women we can multitask/think of other things during sex. You need to focus on the stimulation/sensations and let them bring you over. For me it's pressure & speed - and make sure your guy knows that when you are close not to switch anything. For me anyways if you switch it up when i'm close i'm done - it is very unlikely that it will happen after "being cut off".
As for telling the guy, I didn't fake it I just enjoyed it and (well at first I didn't understand a guy asking did you cum meant orgasm - I assumed it meant get wet) but if you told him you have been having orgasms I would say to him - look it's VERY difficult to orgasm from sex alone - if you haven't tried good forepley beforehand than try this before talking to him - but explain look i want to make this more exciting, i read that this or that might make it easier (doggystyle, feet on his shoulders, him at the edge of the bed... whatever you find that looks interesting to you) and he should be game - he'll want to please you along with enjoying new things for himself.
The talk may not be as easy - and there's no way for him to fix the past but you can be upfront & say look I thought there was something medically wrong with me so I faked the orgasms because I can't climax during intercourse. This is what I found could help me orgasm lets try it! He should be game - he shouldn't be offended unless you say look you haven't been able to make me do it, because that's just mean & not necessarily true.
Sorry for long post - last point I promise but you should not resent him i know bad sex can suck in a relationship however - if you think it's your fault (and i know this is a terrible thing to say) but be mad at yourself first - unless you have actually done something about it. go get yourself checked or be proactive - if you are just sitting by & doing nothing you only have yourself to blame, if it's dna then be mad at the universe but never resent someone for something that is not their fault.
I think she means resent in that she's "jealous" because he can get off every single time, and she never can.
I completely understand the feeling. I sometimes get that envious feeling like..."man, why can I reach that limit and he's over here orgasming after 4 freaking minutes!" (Another story) Like it's not fair, because you want to share in that experience so badly, too. Sometimes I get jealous of other women who are able to get them so freely (I get them freely on my own, however) with a man.
Is that what you mean Getting Frustrated?
lerlineperline, thats exactly how i feel. i kno its not his fault, hes actually a great lover, and doesnt have any "inadequecies" if u kno what i mean, but i have all these caretaker issues where i feel like i need to look after everyone in my life without worrying about myself, and its starting to take its toll. i snap at him for no reason and get all randomly bummed out, and i think its because i dont take care of myself the way i should or speak up about how i want to be treated.
im not going to leave him over this though, today he was dancing with me on the sidewalk next to the east river without worrying about anyone thinking we were crazy. he makes me feel like the most important person in the world sometimes. sex is only part of our relationship, one that im going to try to work on. i can orgasm fine by myself btw, so its not a medical issue. thanx for the advice panama, and everyone else.
Heck I'm a guy and have been faking it for the past 5 years. I say keep your mouth shut. . .unless of course you're screaming in faux orgasm.
Ok, this is a very common problem for women and it is too bad that the author makes it seem like it is not, he obviously does not know very much about women's sexuality of women's bodies. And no, it is never, ever too late to be honest with someone you are being intimate with. If you are not honest with your partner, really who CAN you be honest with?? Besides this, you will never learn how to orgasm during sex if you cannot have good communication with your partner. Who exactly does anyone else here, including the author, think a person will be able to do to CHECK OUT why the woman is not orgasming???? What exactly does a doctor or even a sex therapist do to check her out? That is one of the most ridiculous things that I have ever heard. I seriously doubt that this is any sort of physical problem since it is very common with women. I would recommend that you start regularly masturbating, perhaps with toys such as a clitoral stimulator or even a detachable shower head aimed at your clit. You will not be able to orgasm with your partner during sex unless you can first learn how to make yourself orgasm and then teach your partner how to please you. Many women cannot orgasm during intercourse (without clitoral stimulation) so you are not alone here. There are many good books out there to read on this subject, one in particular is 'For Yourself' by Lonnie Garfield Barback. Good luck on your journey and have fun! :)
Ok, this is a very common problem for women and it is too bad that the author makes it seem like it is not, he obviously does not know very much about women's sexuality or women's bodies. And no, it is never, ever too late to be honest with someone you are being intimate with. If you are not honest with your partner, really who CAN you be honest with?? Besides this, you will never learn how to orgasm during sex if you cannot have good communication with your partner. Who exactly does anyone else here, including the author, think a person will be able to do to CHECK OUT why the woman is not orgasming???? What exactly does a doctor or even a sex therapist do to check her out? That is one of the most ridiculous things that I have ever heard. I seriously doubt that this is any sort of physical problem since it is very common with women. I would recommend that you start regularly masturbating, perhaps with toys such as a clitoral stimulator or even a detachable shower head aimed at your clit. You will not be able to orgasm with your partner during sex unless you can first learn how to make yourself orgasm and then teach your partner how to please you. Many women cannot orgasm during intercourse (without clitoral stimulation) so you are not alone here. There are many good books out there to read on this subject, one in particular is 'For Yourself' by Lonnie Garfield Barback. Good luck on your journey and have fun! :)
I noticed you think there is nothing to check out. well one of the Female Sexual Dysfunction (FSD) issues is difficulty with orgasm, along with vaginal dryness or low libido. so before you feel like your opinion is absolutely correct maybe some reseach would be good....just saying is all.
it is something they suggest you talk to your doctor about, it could be a side effect of taking the pill however low libido is much more common in these situations
Yeah, I've never orgasmed during sex. EVER. Some women just can't.
What I wonder is if you faked it and never told him, how is he to learn what you like and don't like. I mean, you said 99% sure. What about that 1% that you could...either on your own, with him, with toys...whatever. If you're faking it, he's got no reason to help you discover 100% if you can or can't.
If you enjoy sex without the orgasm and he enjoys sex with you, I am sure he can learn to deal with the fact that you may never ever have the big O. I think the idea that orgasms are the main goal of sex can sometimes ruin the act itself.
I'd tell him in the nicest, least ego bruising way possible.
Are you kidding me? The response to the article is obviously a man. A man who couldn't care less about the girl as long as he gets off. Sorry if that's harsh, but to haul off and say "don't resent him for something that's your problem" is ridiculous. Yes, I agree that you should not resent him if he is trying, but it is BOTH their problems. They are in a relationship. He should care about "her problem." Next time anyone wants to tell a girl her inability to have an orgasm is her problem when she is in a relationship, shut up and don't be so selfish; take a little personal responsibility and rise to the occassion. Don't make yourself feel better by shoving off the problem soley on the girl. You are her partner and you need to communicate and share sex together, not experience alone.
Are you kidding me? The response to the article is obviously a man. A man who couldn't care less about the girl as long as he gets off. Sorry if that's harsh, but to haul off and say "don't resent him for something that's your problem" is ridiculous. Yes, I agree that you should not resent him if he is trying, but it is BOTH their problems. They are in a relationship. He should care about "her problem." Next time anyone wants to tell a girl her inability to have an orgasm is her problem when she is in a relationship, shut up and don't be so selfish; take a little personal responsibility and rise to the occassion. Don't make yourself feel better by shoving off the problem soley on the girl. You are her partner and you need to communicate and share sex together, not experience alone.