You can get some therapy.
All 20-year-olds are insecure about something. Whether you're in college or starting your first real job, there are enough stresses and unfamiliar situations to make anyone feel a bit overwhelmed. But to be insecure to the point of paralysis isn't normal, and it's no way to live your life.
Maybe you're exaggerating, but it sounds to me like you need to talk to a counselor and try to figure out what's causing you to feel so unsure of yourself, not just so you can be confident around guys, but around anyone. Around yourself. Your problem sounds like it affects more than your love life. You need to be comfortable in your own skin no matter what the situation or who the audience.
Yes, there are other things you could do besides therapy, junk like self-help books or positive visualization or telling yourself in the mirror how super-awesome you are. But none of that will solve your problem, because it treats the symptom, not the underlying cause. That's why you need therapy: to dig deep and get to the root of your problem so you can expose it, understand it and defeat it. Kill the root and the weed goes away.
Therapy can be expensive, but if you're in college, your school's student health center should offer free or low-cost counseling. If you work full-time, many companies have employee assistance programs (EAPs) which offer the same. Either is worth looking into.
I'm not talking about spending the next ten years on a shrink's couch talking reliving the time you walked in on your mom and dad bumping uglies. Even if you only go once or twice, a therapist can help you understand why you might be insecure, and can give you much better tips for dealing with it than I ever could.
Good luck.
For starters, chances are the guys you're interested may be shy or nervous approaching you. So you already have something in common.
Plus you're a girl, and by default, some guy wants to talk to you.
This is absolutely great advice. Don't for one second think that there is anything wrong with going to a counselor. It can be difficult at first getting comfortable with the idea of talking to a stranger, but you'll be surprised how effective and helpful it is. It's their job! I am 20 years old, and about to finish up a 3-4 month long string of sessions (once every other week). I've never been happier or more confident.
Also, if you start seeing someone that you don't think is helping or you are uncomfortable with, don't be afraid to ask to see someone different. They won't be offended. They want you "get better" in whatever sense that may mean, and are more than happy to do whatever they can to help get you there.
:)
I'm giggling here at the Stewart Smalley quote in the tags. =)
Very helpful and well written advice.
The twenties are an uncertain time for many . Between school, relationships, and just life in general it can seem pretty daunting . Live your life like a lion, not a lamb. Remember that many people feel the way you do. That's what encourages me to keep facing the day to day stuff . Good luck girl!
No shame or blame in talking to someone!
Just make sure that the therapist you see is someone who really works for you. There are some therapists out there who will make you uncomfortable, and some who will be milk to your cookies. These people will be like a cheerleader, and most of them are honest enough to tell you when they think you don't need them anymore.
As for the last bit, do you have any brothers and/or platonic male friends? This helps take the mystery out of the male of the species. Of course, they can't do it all, which is where all the wonderful guys (and girl) at GuySpeak come in. *grin* But having non-sexual friendships with guys is pretty neat. Even if they're not interested in you "like that" they can be great sounding boards, companions for watching those stupid "Hot Shots" movies, having a good water fight, etc. The point is, they're just people like us. They just look a little different than girls, that's all. :)
I just want to reiterate that you don't need to have emotional issues to see a therapist. A therapist, for many, is just a professional advice giver and listener. I know many people who would benefit greatly from having someone whose job is to just LISTEN, but they worry that seeking professional help is a sign of weakness or something. Personally, I've gone to therapy both when I feel helpless and when I feel on top of the world. It doesn't mean that I have issues; therapy is just an hour or so that is completely about YOU. It's pretty awesome.
Short of going to therapy, sometimes working on confidence from the outside in does help. That doesn't mean getting a complete head to toe makeover (because who wants to be someone they're not?), but finding those perfect jeans that make you feel super sexy can be a surprisingly huge confidence boost. It doesn't even have to be about your appearance. Maybe it's about listening to that one song that just makes you want to dance, or having your best friend who always laughs at your jokes by your side. Try out a bunch of things and see what works for you. I know that sounds really hokey, but that's helped me a lot in the past. Best of luck!
insecure? Honey, you are prime pickins for guys. I have found that a lot of men really like insecure women because it makes them feel better about themselves/ makes them feel more secure in relationships. I find that men are more intimidated by confident women who know themselves, and these women are seen as undesireable. Don't worry men will FLOCK to you! I guess when you're with a guy don't let your insecurities be the main topic. talk about something else, and they'll be all over you.
TRUST me.