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I'm a 21 year old college student, I just got a DUI and crashed my dad's car...I feel like a completely worthless piece of shit. This is the first real "bad" thing I've done and I'm not sure how to get over it....

WHAT?! You're not perfect?! I'm so disappointed.

Yeah, you screwed up. Yes, it sucks. But it's not the end of the world. We all make mistakes, big and small. You're 21--that's what 21-year-olds do: screw up. It's part of growing up and learning how to live as a responsible adult. The learning curve can be painful, but it doesn't make you a "worthless piece of sh*t." It makes you human, and humans are imperfect, all of us.

I'm not saying that driving drunk isn't a big deal; it is, and you were lucky you didn't hurt yourself or someone else. But what's done is done; all you can do is learn from your mistake and move on. Kicking yourself in the ass becomes counterproductive after a few days; it might feel like penance but it's just wasted time. A little guilt is good, sure--it's how we learn--but at some point you have to let yourself off the hook.

That's how you get over it--by looking forward, not back. First, you realize that you're human and will make more mistakes in the future. Not one of them makes you worthless or a bad person. Next, you resolve not to drive drunk ever again, because the results will be worse next time. Remember this feeling and know that it will be ten times worse if you make the same mistake again. If you have a drinking problem, get help now. Every college campus has a health center that can help you deal with an addiction. If you don't have a drinking problem, great--don't drive drunk. Plan ahead so you aren't tempted to drive under the influence.

Then, you put it all behind you, forgive yourself and move on with your life. The biggest mistake now is to continue flogging yourself for an event you cannot change. You're human, you f*cked up. Lesson learned. Life goes on.

Thanks for the question.

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5 Comments

Brooke

Cary's right. The most important thing is to learn from your mistake and move. Not beat yourself up about it so much that it starts being counterproductive.

Mike

Have you offered to help your father pay for damages? That'd go a long way towards making things "right" even if it took you 10 years to do.

user-pic

I don't know where this hate is coming from. Its not like the girl is unrepentant. She knows she did wrong, and wants to make it better. That's pretty damn adult of her. My advice, go to AA, or some equivalent. If you're driving drunk then you have a problem. Yes, you screwed up. Be a big girl and get some help so you don't do something like this again.

Cary McNeal

Looks like The Zapper took care of the hate, Betty, but I echo the majority of your sentiments.

user-pic

Heck, who says 'screwing up' ends at 21? The whole of life is about messing up. What sets people apart are the ones who learn from their screw ups and become a better person.

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