OK, this one is different. Different culture, different rules. Please respect the rules in the comments, even if you don't like them. Most readers probably won't.
الاسترخاء ، قليلا واحد . AKA - Relax, little one, or as near as I can get it! (Yeah, I am rusty)
You are not a whore. Your ex guy is haram at least, though sha'rr in my opinion, but that is no fault of your own. Stop finding fault in yourself for simply being in love and not thinking things through.
Men want sex. An honorable man will wait until marriage, as is required. Most men won't. You trusted this man, and he took your gift and left. Do not do that again.
Now, the virginity thing. I am going to assume, as English is your second language, that you live in an Arabic country, with all that entails in terms of family and relationship problems.
You will simply lie. A girl can lose her virginity (her hymen), not just through sex, but through actions too. Horseback riding, gymnastics, even by being careless inserting a tampon. Some girls are not even born with a maidenhead. One can be a virgin on her wedding night without the blood on the sheets. And a small lie against shame is no sin.
بارك الله فيكم ويبقي لكم.
(May God bless you and keep you - I hope it says that at least!!!)
PS - to the person who asked about learning French pronunciation- pull some French TV programs off Youtube, looking for TV5 programs - those are usually Parisien French pronunciation, which is pretty much the standard version.
That was such a caring and understanding answer.
It is true : Arab culture is set on another way of thinking, and not being a virgin can be problematic (for men). I agree with MM on the lying : these other men don't need to know. You need to protect yourself first, and this is the kind of lying that will. Yes, it is difficult to lie, as relationships are supposed to be based on clearance and trust between each other. But it is no betrayal. It is safety. If you feel they might not treat you the right way because they know you are not a virgin anymore, then just don't say it.
May God protect you.
Thanks MM! I thought you would think I was just jacking you with that question about pronunciation. The videos are going to be useful, I'd imagine.
My pleasure! always figure you can't really understand people unless you can talk to them - and there are a LOT of non English speakers out there!
OK MM, am officially your #1 Fan,, the attempts to speak Arabic are so adorable (not so correct though, sorry).
am an Arab girl too, and though am not into a similar situation, i totally agree with MM, no need to share your past with any new guy, it might sound silly in other cultures but here, i totally understand it.
now, what is more important than what to tell a new guy, is to heal your emotions and take good care of yourself !! that's your priority.. my heart is with you, kiddo. you are gonna be OK :)
Be fair - I have not tried to write Arabic in about 8 years :)
Way cool Myst..., way cool.
Dear Asker,
I'm not as familiar with your culture, but am sympathetic to your situation.
I'm American-born, but have, in the past, been looked at "differently" when I've disclosed some details about sex during my college years (a long time ago).
I've grown up since then, and have made better choices, and learned alot about myself and relationships.
Often, even American men have a double standard, which means THEY can explore and experience sex without judgement, but if a woman does it, she is "trashy".
SO....I've had to lie and deny I've done a few things in the past, in order to not be judged. I think many, if not all, of us have done this at one time or another.
Often one's religion and culture is a basis for judgement, however, you seem like a sweet and kind person who is living in a respectful manner, but have just had the opportunity to experience love more than once in your life.
I wish you the best, as you move on, and put the past behind you.
Such a compassionate response.
I most cases I'm a femnazi about this. Women are human beings and we want sex just as much as men. If not more. But when you have a culture that actually KILLS women who having sex with someone that's not their husband, it sets me on edge. I hate it with a passion. So lie your ass off. Also work to change that awful way of thinking. It's no way to live.
That situation might disgust you, but remember other cultures find us disgusting and backwoods and immoral as well. I agree that it tugs at my heartstrings quite a bit, but it's not for either of us to tell her how to live.
What a wonderful and compassionate response.
To the asker of the question, I agree with MM. Do not offer full disclosure; your experience was something very personal and it should remain as such. Your safety must take priority. Many blessings upon you.
Not so much a compassionate response as a smarmy, pretentious, condescending one-----as usual from MM.
This was a caring and sensitive answer, although I don't believe he ever wrote Arabic fluently or even a little bit, from the googletranslate way the words have worked out. But that's literally the only criticism I could possibly have, and I'm a hard to please person. :) Excellent advice, delivered lovingly.
WTF?? did you even READ the response?
Yes, unfortunately. Did you?
Chill, Denise. Being hated is part of my job.
No, but I mean, really? Condescending?
Hymen restoration surgery.
It could be a bit risky explaining that you lost your hymen on a horseback ride or to a tampon. I find the majority of men slightly ignorant when it comes to understanding the woman's vagina and reproductive system, so you may get away with this lie or you may not. Knowing that this hymen situation is kind of a big deal and QUITE the life or death situation in some parts of the world, surgery if it is accessible is small price to pay.Whether this is your case or not - I hope everything works out for you.
This was a very caring and accurate answer for this girl. Thank you for being so empathetic.
Not all women have blood when they first experience sex. I know I didn't. It is NOT a foolproof way of determining whether someone is a virgin.
As for the person who called MM's response smarmy, pretentious and condescending, I'm guessing English isn't your first language, either.
there are rules? ooops I might need to check that out, I might've broken a few by now... and I am way too much of a liberal woman to comment respectfully on this lol
Coming from an Arab as well. Islam teaches us that our past is hidden. If God has not exposed your past, then you should also keep it hidden. For someone to inquire about your past is not a right of theirs. So you are under no obligation to divulge any information.
Like a lot of other comments above. Bleeding does not always come when you have sex for the first time. I didn't bleed.
Edited out, because I disapprove of the whole shaming thing. - MM
it will be ok girl .whats done is done and nobody is perfect .focus on your future !