Yep, I sound like all those ladies in my own way. Single, in my twenties, never been in any sort of relationship, etc....to think of it, I must be too normal LOL.

THanks again, Cary for the thoughtful and wonderful answers you provide us. You answer the best questions for us ladies.

just wanted to let you know i'm one of the ladies like you too! i'm almost 30 and never been in relationship - i'm smart, funny, attractive, social, etc. i think we need to keep believing there IS a guy out there for us, and he'll be lucky when he finds us ;)

Happens to men too. Most usually get past it.

Something to consider, and I say it without any malevolent intents, but when people, men or women, act worried about not having a relationship, not having BF/GF, they *COULD* possibly be inadvertently sending, without even realizing it, signals of desperation. The men/women who are around these guys may not even be able to recognize or identify on a conscious level. Might just be a gut feeling or intuition on their part, but could be driving away potential mates without even realizing it.

I was in the same situation. I gave up and not cared, I mean, really, seriously, not-a-defense-mechanism cared. It was around that time, my dating life improved, which in my case meant I actually started to have one.

And yes, I am unattractive; I will even use the word ugly. Scientifically confirmed ugly by a medical doctor. Though the decades of women and girls (and even my own father) telling me that was proof enough.

My advice, for all it is worth, is focus on your lives; make yourself better at what you are good at, broaden your interests. Don't be hung up on relationships. Things will probably start to happen, when you're completely off guard.

Great post! Approaching 24 and never had a serious/ long term relationship. I've usually never cared, but within the last few months this has been bothering me quite a bit. My confidence used to be pretty low, but I've been working on it a lot, and now am confident in myself and who I am. I guess I thought my dating life would improve...but not really much different.

Thanks Cary, for letting us know we aren't alone. We just don't want to settle for anything less than we deserve, even if it means being single for longer than we anticipated.

Call me crazy, but I thought the OP was more concerned with “never fallen in love” rather than being in a relationship. It’s something I think about often…, that feeling that turns your stomach inside out. Where is that?

Not at all! Be happy to tell.

It was when I was in France, consulting with a plastic surgeon. He and his assistant took various measurements on and around my facial areas, including doing so on my x-rays of my head. He compared these measurements to those on file, taken from people of all levels of attractiveness. Stated that my stats fall within the low tens percentile of baseline attractiveness (he was particularly concerned about my cheekbone measurements and brow ridge), enough, he confirmed, to be considered highly unattractive (the medical term for ugly lol) by approx 95% of people globally. His assistant was more blunt and to the point - she said outright I'm one ugly dude, and people in France are even more superficial than the US. She was shocked when she looked at my father's pic, compared to me, because she said (as many women have when they seen my old man) he was very very hot, could not understand how I could have turned out this bad.

Unfortunately, as the physician examined my x-rays, he was saddened, even apparently consulted other doctors, but determined there was nothing that could be done for me. To make the changes that would bring me up to center baseline would require too much cutting of bone in my skull, massive removals of tissue that would be virtually impossible to safely accomplish.

The doctor's suggestion for me was to take a vow of celebacy and go join a monastery in Switzerland.

True overpickiness is probably limited to a small percentage of the women.

Probably the greatest barrier to these women are those women, again a rather small percentage of them, who, when asked out by a man they have no interest in, rather than politely declining, or even impolitely but quietly declining, decide to make a scene and example out of him, and publically embarrass him.

People lock their door not because of 99% of the other people, because of the 1% who would be inclined to steal from them. Likewise, many men are very hesitant to ask women out, not because of 98% of the women who would very kindly say no, but because of the 1% that choose to embarrass and humiliate the men who had enough balls to ask a woman out. But without any prior knowledge there's no way to tell if a woman falls under the 98% who will simply say no, or the 1% who humiliates, or perhaps the 1% who says yes. Men do not like to be embarrassed, especially publically, so I gather that many would rather not chance it.

Mr. Blue, I know you are not trying to offend, but believe me when I say I am not being too picky, critical, or waiting for that love at first sight/ knight in shining armor stuff. I am actually very realistic. I have dated men who I didn't immediately find attractive and have cared for them deeply. But if there is no spark still after 3 or so months, is it really fair to either one of us to continue on? On the other hand, I have dated men that I really liked, and I thought things were going well, but they usually just kinda fade me out (stop calling/ texting after awhile).

I don't expect love to be an immediate thing. But I hear over and over, that if a guy is interested, he will make time for you. I don't have outrageous expectations about how much time he sees me or talks to me, but when I feel like he's only with me because he has nothing better planned...well I'm not putting up with that. I deserve respect. So maybe you would call that too critical, but I call that settling.

Hi, I think you will find someone someday. I am 33, I didn't meet my serious boyfriend until I was 32 and he was 36. I was a virgin up until then because my hymen was still intact. He was so sweet and patient waiting for me to stretch it out with dilators. Just keep hanging in there and have fun while you are waiting.