I think you're going to be in a pickle here. The only way to discuss this is to bring it straight to the table as it is: you want to raise your kids as Christian and will he be okay with that?
There's no subtle way to bring this up or nuanced way to do it. It shouldn't be an argument so much as an open discussion because you two are bringing two fundamentally different views to the table. And I'm guessing he's probably thought about it before too if he views you as somebody he might want in his life forever. I'd like to say that there'd be a compromise on belief systems here (like in a family with two different cultural backgrounds where both sides are taught) but I have no idea how you'd merge Christianity and atheism. They are fundamentally at odds with one another.
Hate to say this, but this sounds like one of those dealbreaker kind of things. Sure its not an issue for you now because you can both deal with your spirituality, or lack thereof, separately and meet in the middle and go get drinks. But if you have children and you want to raise them a certain way, and he is completely against it because of his beliefs, then you two may find yourself at an impasse. But you won't know that until you actually just talk to him about it one day and kick open the doors on the convo.
While most men hate this, here's the best way to start the convo, "baby, I was thinking about the future and...."
Can't make an omelete without breaking a few eggs - yours is just the size of humpty dumpty.
It was written.
Great answer BFF. Especially like the omelet metaphor. :)
my only concern with this conversation would be with how long y'all have been dating. if you just started dating or haven't been for all that long, or are not sure how serious y'all are,and you just happened to think about this, i'd figure that out before you start saying "if we get married and if we have kids" this may be totally inappropriate conversation at this point in y'alls relationship. or if you have been together for some time, and things look to be heading towards the long hall, then you definately need to ask. the best compromise i can see, is raising them christian, but always letting them know they have a choice, and both letting him discuss his views with the children but also asking that he not belittle your faith, or our childrens faith. i think respect is fundemental for making this one work, lots and lots of respect, from both of you.
From a religious perspective:
If you are taking your Christian beliefs seriously and want to raise them as Christian, then Panama is right when he says this is a deal breaker.
What he is saying is exactly the kind of thing that the passage in 2 Corinthians 6:14 is talking about.
A yoke is the object that holds two animals together so they can, as a team, accomplish their goal. Bound together, they are stronger, but if you put an ox with a donkey, they will be at odds with each other due to different strengths, different temperaments and different pace.
Marriage and child raising is process where you have to be in some degree of agreement with each other. I would venture to say this Biblical advice would work for any 2 people considering marriage Christian or not.
Any 2 people getting married have to ask: Are your general life goals, beliefs and convictions compatible?
Somethings are negotiable. If he's a coastal kind of guy and she's a forest kinda girl, you could live near both or on one near the other.
Somethings are going to be very difficult. If he doesn't want more than 1 kid or none at all and she wants 5, you've got a serious hurdle to overcome, but may find a compromise works.
And somethings just aren't compatible. If she believes in a higher power and he believes that belief is ridiculous, you are going to have a fundamental separation in your marriage that prevents one or both of you from ever fully respecting the other. He will always yearn for her to "mature" out of her superstitions and join him in the realm of "science and logic" and she will always yearn for him understand her faith and to share her belief and bask in the love of God. And then, they both will want their children to learn what is right in their minds.
Maybe, just maybe there is a compromise in there, but I seriously doubt it.
I realize it's a bit late, but another point to consider is to raise your children to be intelligent, caring, compassionate human beings who can consider all religious viewpoints and be well-informed enough to make their own decisions. That's all you can really hope for, right? Not all of us who are unsure of higher powers think that there isn't something to consider, we're just... not quite sure.
My issue is that I was forced into religion as a child and was not offered options or alternate viewpoints until I was in college. I really think this is something to consider because I want to believe, but I don't appreciate having so much crap shoved down my throat that I don't care for organized religion whatsoever. Just consider what 'raising as a Christian' might do for or to your children.
"They are fundamentally at odds with one another."
Not completely true all the time. I'm an atheist, but no matter who I marry, I am going to raise my kids to follow the base ideals of morality found in all religions. I'm willing to raise my children Christian, Muslim, Hindu, whathaveyou, as long as my husband allows me to instill openness and critical thinking in their lives. I want my children to believe what they want after they've truely searched within themselves and their experiences, not because we raised them in a certain religion. I will love them no matter what.
Also, Atheists don't lack morals, nor do they not believe in anything (that's a philosophy called nihlism). Being an atheist simply means you don't believe in a god: nothing else in all-inclusive to every atheist besides this fact. So all atheists are not the same, just like all Christian/Jews/Muslims/etc are not the same. You'll have to talk with him (and think of yourself) to see if your beliefs are truly compatible....assuming you two have been dating long enough to have this talk. :)
You make a great point and it is awesome that you are so open like that. I agree that Atheists don't necessarily lack morals anymore than any other people. Plenty of theists who seriously lack morals.
One note for your personal sanity though.
There are some religions that are totally compatible with your idea. Buddhism is one. You would have no problem marrying even the most hardcore Buddhist as far as morality goes. :) Pantheists, some Hindus and most Wiccans would be in the same category.
One quick side note:
A lot of people don't know this but the Bible (for Jews and Christians and Muslims) REQUIRES the learning of critical thinking* and being loving to all people*. Unfortunately, there are a lot of really loud, for lack of a better word, jerks who preach otherwise.
However, the "Big 3" will not work with the idea that you can just teach them the moral code and critical thinking. I want to put this delicately, but their really isn't a way to do that. If the person truly believes in one of these religions, they are required to do and be several things. One which I already mentioned requires they do not marry outside the faith. This will cause MAJOR friction for them and their convictions. In their heart they will always feel a bit bad that they could not convert you to their religion and will be facing an eternal life after death without you. From their perspective you are always wrong on the most important thing they know.
Like I noted before, it may be possible to work out, but you more likely than not, you'd put yourself in a position of serious difficulty. Marriage is such a deep intimacy and disagree on something that big will be a huge stumbling block.
Shalom
Notes(*):
Critical thinking:
1 Thessalonians 5:21
Put everything to the test. Accept what is good and don't have anything to do with evil.
Proverbs 4:6-7
Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you. Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.
Proverbs 14:8
The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways, but the folly of fools is deception.
Proverbs 14:33
Wisdom rests in the heart of him who has understanding, but what is in the heart of fools is made known.
Love everyone:
Luke 10:25-37 - Parable of the Good Samaritan
Love your neighbors - neighbors being pointed out to be everyone.
Quran 4:36
And serve Allah and do not associate any thing with Him and be good to the parents and to the near of kin and the orphans and the needy and the neighbor of (your) kin and the alien neighbor, and the companion in a journey and the wayfarer and those whom your right hands possess; surely Allah does not love him who is proud, boastful;