Just be yourself and don't be an a-hole. Who cares if they think you sound preachy? They're probably boring and have nothing to add to the conversation. Yeah, I said it! And, unlike you, I am bashing men. Well, the dumb ones anyway. Aw, did I hurt your widdle feelings, dumb guys? Here's a cookie. Ha ha! It's a poison cookie. Now you know better than to take cookies from strangers, ya big dummy.
Honestly, the best way to not alienate a guy is to just follow basic conversational courtesy. Present your argument in a rational way without being combative or argumentative. Don't go into the conversation assuming that he doesn't also have a valid take on the issue in question. Ask their opinion. Listen; don't just wait to talk. If you're engaging a guy in a honest, friendly dialogue and his eyes are glazing over, that's his problem. There are plenty of guys who will banter back with you, adding their thoughts in a meaningful and productive way. Sure, you don't want to go around lecturing people about women's rights just like you wouldn't want to lecture them about religion or why The Office should end after Steve Carell leaves. Anyone who just talks to hear their own brilliant thoughts is a drag. But don't let anyone tell you that you shouldn't be passionate about the things that you feel are important. You're right-- gender issues affect everyone. Things like equal rights, how the media portrays women, and sexism in the workplace affect us all.
Don't apologize for your beliefs. In the end, a good guy will respect you more for being opinionated and caring enough to question society's treatment of women. Also, humor helps. Of course you want to be taken seriously, but being able to laugh at yourself and the world around you goes a long way towards making sure you don't come off as self-righteous or pretentious.
Honestly, the best way to not alienate a guy is to just follow basic conversational courtesy. Present your argument in a rational way without being combative or argumentative. Don't go into the conversation assuming that he doesn't also have a valid take on the issue in question. Ask their opinion. Listen; don't just wait to talk. If you're engaging a guy in a honest, friendly dialogue and his eyes are glazing over, that's his problem. There are plenty of guys who will banter back with you, adding their thoughts in a meaningful and productive way. Sure, you don't want to go around lecturing people about women's rights just like you wouldn't want to lecture them about religion or why The Office should end after Steve Carell leaves. Anyone who just talks to hear their own brilliant thoughts is a drag. But don't let anyone tell you that you shouldn't be passionate about the things that you feel are important. You're right-- gender issues affect everyone. Things like equal rights, how the media portrays women, and sexism in the workplace affect us all.
Don't apologize for your beliefs. In the end, a good guy will respect you more for being opinionated and caring enough to question society's treatment of women. Also, humor helps. Of course you want to be taken seriously, but being able to laugh at yourself and the world around you goes a long way towards making sure you don't come off as self-righteous or pretentious.
Thank you Nick, this is a really, really excellent answer.
Funny Guy recently answered this question.
How does this question get answered twice but none of the countless questions I have asked got answered once? I understand you guys are busy and get tons of questions...but this is ridiculous. You all seem to only answer the really controversial or shocking questions.
Not that unusual, out-of-the-ordinary questions don't deserve to be answered. I just feel that it's the common questions that would be more universal, with answers that much more people can relate to. Isn't that the point of this site?
Again, no offense to this question. I'm not trying to belittle the asker's problem. It's just frustrating when none of my questions get answered, especially when they're time-sensitive :(
We answer plenty of common, everyday questions. I just answered two the other day about movies to watch with your boyfriend and whether "It just doesn't feel right" is a cop-out break-up excuse. Nothing salacious about those!
http://www.guyspeak.com/answers/i-hate-movies-that-are-gory-and-am-willing-to-watch-basically-anything-else-my-boyfriend-picks-out-b/
http://www.guyspeak.com/answers/what-kind-of-excuse-is-it-just-doesnt-feel-right-anyways-sounds-like-a-cop-out-if-you-ask-me/
As for the repeat, it happens sometime. For one thing, readers will submit one question to all of us. How do you think that makes us feel?? We are special too!! Also, we're human, not question answering robots. I see now that Reformed Player, not Funny Guy, answered this question. However, our answers are completely different. This is a topic I care about, and hopefully I've provided a different perspective.
All I can suggest is to keep submitting. We answer plenty of topical questions and will hopefully address one of yours soon. As always, thank you for reading and being patient.
Haha, you are right, CG, you guys are special! We should remember that. Though I'm not convinced you aren't a robot....
This reminded me a lot of an ex-friend of mine, so I might as well share about it.
You may be getting preachy. Especially if you're yelling, talking too fast, not letting the other one have a say, believe that your point of view is the only one that's valid AND if you say "because we, the feminists..." or something along those lines a lot.
Most guys I know aren't too passionate at all about gender issues. I'm not saying it's OK or excusable 'cause they're guys, it's just how it is. So if you somehow turn every conversation into a discussion about gender issues, you're being overwhelming at best.
Here's what happen to my used-to-be-friend: In a matter of moths she became vegetarian, feminist, bisexual, then gay, then bisexual again (even though she never even touched a boob), socialist, straight-edge, then became an enthusiast of open relationships. And somehow managed to slip in EVERY conversation something like "because now that I'm vegetarian..." "they said that because I'm gay!" "that wouldn't happen under a communist regime". She also had NO idea what she was talking about (for instance, she didn't even know who Marx was). So if this resembles you in any way, you just might be becoming an asshole. Or maybe you're just new to the whole feminist thing and are excited about it. Don't. Calm down. You'll find intelligent people to discuss gender issues, as long as you keep it civil, like Nick said.
As a guy, I feel the need to shed some light to this situation. Please look around you and see that things have changed for the better, especially for women.Looks around! We are no longer in the stone ages where womens rights are concerned. We (men) have learned to accept, love and respect women for having individual thoughts & have even recognized you (women) as peers and leaders. We get that you are being you and we respect that. But please, do you have to trample all over us to express it!? If so, then what difference between you and the "men" that you are trying to educate?
Look around you, and ask yourself this, how many of those so called "disrespectful men" exist around you anymore? Do they still outnumber the ones that respect you and call you friend, sister and lover? I'm not saying that you cant voice yourself, just keep in mind that others treat you the way they are treated, but, just that with the we try to apply the manners that our parents thought us before we say anything.
Think it through. After all, we are all human...