I HATE YOU. I'm sure you're a wonderful person, but I owe it to you and my gender to say that my first emotional response to reading your question is an overwhelming urge to punch someone resembling you in the face as soon as I possibly can.
Despite common misconception, men have hearts and feelings. And sleeping with them tends to, you know, bring that stuff up. Yes, we can separate feelings from sex. But that's usually when we bang some chick we met at the interfaith mixer.
On the other clenched fist, sleeping with your BEST friend, because you "feel sorry for them" or "just don't care" is what a selfish tool does. I know in my heart you aren't one of those, so all I can say is: STOP DOING THIS IMMEDIATELY.
Tell him you're a lesbian, and that's that, and keep your junk in your pants. Otherwise you're going to leave nothing but a trail of broken hearts and grinding teeth in your wake, and either men will end up hating you or you'll end up hating them. Neither is a huge step forward for the common cause of humanity.
Go in peace, confounding lesbian. And commenters, before you start (rightly) pointing out how many guys do this to women all the time, I feel compelled to say I also think all those guys could do with a quick punch in the face.
Casual sex is only casual when both parties think of it that way. As soon as that's not true anymore, EJECT.
You see guys can fall for a lesbien but not for real girls. Why? Because gay women "don't care." Moral: be ignorant and guys will come after you straight women.
Guys fall for real girls all the time. Hence, numerous marriages and happy relationships all around (including your general vicinity). I wouldn't say ignorance has anything to do with it. It has to do with people thinking that the grass is greener on the other side. In point of fact, women and men do it all the time: 'I can't have that person so I want them!' It's the 'no-no' quality about it that so excites them.
It worries me that you refer to straight women as "real women"...
That's a misconception and a horrible way to look at life and the world around you. I don't know you but i can tell you, everything has a bad, balanced and good side to it. But its hard to look up when your looking down.
Secondly there are some rules in life you just have to learn. Power and love is nothing if you don't respect your self. you may say you value your self but the more you respect your self the more others will respect you. And for those that say love doesn't exist. Love cant be bought, Love is not pleasure, Love is not pain. Fastest way to get love is to give Love. What helps me is instead of feeling loved when material, or desired things come to men.... I feel loved when i get love AND FEEL EVEN MORE LOVE WHEN I GIVE LOVE. If you Respect your self, Feel love in giving And be Honest all the time, you will surely receive the man you want.
Oh, please. So she treats men like men treat women constantly, using the whole "I said I wasn't looking for anything serious" as an excuse, and you jump her case? What goes around, comes around. Shut it and chalk it up as a mind-broadening experience.
Oh, please. So she treats men like men treat women constantly, using the whole "I said I wasn't looking for anything serious" as an excuse, and you jump her case? What goes around, comes around. Shut it and chalk it up as a mind-broadening experience.
Oh, please. So she treats men like men treat women constantly, using the whole "I said I wasn't looking for anything serious" as an excuse, and you jump her case? What goes around, comes around. Shut it and chalk it up as a mind-broadening experience.
From another of your posts, perhaps you should give this advice to the guys who won't let her go when she's done with them:
"In the end, you guys were ships passing in the night. Hopefully you learned something from the experience, if only that it IS possible to break up with someone, lie to them politely, and separate with no real animosity between you. Don't read into it though, and don't try to hold him to it. Sounds like the dude is gone."
It's not fair to treat guys like objects just because SOME guys to that to SOME girls. The truth is, the man invested his feelings in this woman (who supposedly cares about him enough to call him her best friend). The fact that some men are jerks does not allow her to toss him around. As Swaim pointed out, he'd give the same talking-to to any guy who told him he was doing this to his best girl friend. The point is that it is downright mean to use any person, especially not your so-called "best friend."
Besides the whole "he might get feelings' part of it, you might get pregnant or an STD. Just cause you're a lesbian does not make you immune to those things! And you claim all of these guys are your friends, so even though guys do this to girls sometimes and some of these other posters have said fair is fair, it changes a lot when it is one of your friends. So if you want to potentially lose your guy friends, get pregnant and have an STD (which you'd be passing to all your other guy friends mind you) then go ahead and make your "friends" self esteem better...until you tell him 'nah im not interested' and they dont talk to you anymore. Just dont post something 2 months from now asking: should I have an abortion, do I tell my girlfriend I have an STD or why do all my guy friends hate me?
I don't understand why you're sleeping with these guys in the first place. If you're a lesbian, you can't possibly be getting that much enjoyment out of it, and no one should ever have sex they don't enjoy. From now on, try to only sleep with people whom you are ACTUALLY ATTRACTED TO, female or male, and not offer your body up as a consolation prize to men who will gladly sleep with a woman who clearly ISN'T INTO IT and call her a friend.
And why is everyone ganging up on the asker? Isn't it clear that her friends are the ones using her (for self-esteem boosts)? How is she the one using them? What could she be getting out of it?
Sex. She's getting sex out of it. I've met--hell, I lost my virginity to--lesbians that occasionally have sex with men, and the primary "take" on this little gamble is sex.
For ladies, sticking things in their vagina can cause feelings of arousal or even pleasure, be it a vibrator, cucumber or (and this might be stretching things a bit) a man's penis.
Lesbians don't necessarily hate men, or hate sex with men, and you can reach pretty incredible sexual heights with something you have no physical attraction to. Never met a woman that would want to date her vibrator, but that doesn't mean it can't get her off, savvy?
My point is, how is her act of using them for sex any different from them using her? She doesn't say she does it because she "loves the sex", she says she does it out of pity for them. She never even says she enjoys it. It seems like it's the fellas in this scenario who are the ones benefitting. So, again, I ask, how is she the one who's using them?
no lesbians don't HATE men and having sex with them but they usually wont do it at all because the whole point of being lesbian is you don't want to have sex with men because your SEXUALLY attracted to women. Yes lesbians use toys and vibrators of phallic shape but they don't take an actual penis and shove it up their vagina. If they wanted to do that then they wouldn't be lesbians now would they? If she IS a lesbian than maybe the easiest way to solve her problem is to just keep having sex with other lesbians when she's not masturbating instead of having casual sex with guys and calling herself a lesbian when they want more out of it.
Nomi has a good point. I think it's hard to say until we know the people; maybe the OP is being manipulated by these "friends" who are just horny and using her for sex? They play on her emotions and kindness to use her? Could be going either way.
And remember, guys can adn will say anything to keep a girl around. Just cuz he says he has a crush on her, doesn't mean he does; might be trying to boost her self-esteem to keep her with him or play even more into the pity card. Who knows.
OP, only you know what is going on. Do what your gut (morals) is telling you, and good luck.
Absolutely ridiculous....the guy obviously has feelings for her, and she is obviously not gay. She's bisexual. She needs therapy. If this guy is her best friend, she probably loves the dude, but has a real detachment sexually. She's got sexual issues. She has no problem with intimacy, I'm sure, but she doesn't understand how to be physically intimate. She gets better sex from women, who know more about how to please another girl sexually. I would suggest therapy, working on lust issues, and she should definitely quit lying to herself. This just in....people who are born "gay" don't have sex with the opposite gender...ever!!! They would be too repulsed to do so. Look at gay animals. If you try to mate a homosexual horse to a female, the horse goes back to eating grass. This girl needs to understand that sex is a lot better when you actually love somebody...she's too selfish to love anyone right now...but there is hope... Perhaps hold off on sex for a while and figure out what the psychological fear is based on...peace...
u arent a lesbian. point blank.
As long as he knows... Just talk to him. If he fully understands what this is, how you feel, and the consequences, then it's good.
yeah, I'm straight and have had male friends try to get pity sex out of me, so I understand the OP. Some guys will go to pretty extream lengths to try to get that pitty sex, and will even try to make the girl feel guilty for not giving them sex, or even start crying. Now that I'm older I don't stay friends with men like that, but when I was younger the guys who were "best friends" with me were the most likely to try to guilt trip me into sex, and even if they knew I really liked someone else and wasn't interested in dating them at all they tried to make it seem like it was all my fault that they wanted me and I was a bitch for not wanting them back. You just need to learn to say no. They're not your friend. Make more female best friends.
Respectfully,
What has been offered up are Over Generalised opinions and judgements on individuals you couldnt begin know.
Each and every person comes with their own set of rules, values and unique sexuality.
The issue for discussion here has nothing to do with gender or sexual attraction/ exploits, or preference of sexual partner -
The issue is that of these two people (both capable decision making adults), one or both are using the other for sex
and in Matt Swaim's (the initial responder's) answer "Casual sex is only casual when both parties think of it that way. As soon as that's not true anymore, EJECT." BAM.
Regards,
Full-time Lesbian & 3rd Year Psych/ Gender Studies Student
if you feel so, dosent matter.
you can enjoy what you likes, its one life and you have to respect as well as enjoy.
its your choice and your life
love you
I Identify as a lesbian but I am in an open relationship with a woman and I do have sex with men, I do not create emotional feeling for them though, I would never have a relationship with one, I use them but they are aware from the start and they use me too, mutual respect. Sexuality isnt so black and white and how this woman identifies is up to her. A lot of us have casual sex with men because we wont get emotionaly caught up and men are sooo much easier to get casual sex from then woman. Its just about sex and its fun as long as the guy is totally aware of the situation. My g/f and I also have 3sumes with men sometimes.
OP you should just make yourself clear to your friend on what you want and can give him. Its his decision to keep sleeping with you, just be carefull if he has romantic feelings that you can not return. I would personaly stop the sex at that point and back off.
What a fucked up world we live in now! Where are the classy straight women with morals? It seems like they are the rare diamonds in the ruff these days!
I have been trying to get some no strings sex with straight women for about 4 years now to no avail, so I switched tack and went for lesbians, and within 2 weeks I had been laid had blowjobs and handjobs galore!
What's that all about? :-/
I have been trying to get some no strings sex with straight women for about 4 years now to no avail, so I switched tack and went for lesbians, and within 2 weeks I had been laid had blowjobs and handjobs galore!
What's that all about? :-/
I would suggest being up front and honest. From the start make sure everyone knows you're a lesbian who wants a sexual non-comitted relationship with a man. If he wants something else politely explain "I'm sorry, we talked about this before and I can't do that."
Be honest, be upfront and be responsible adults about it.
That is unbelievably selfish and wrong in so many ways. Not only are you toying with a man's emotions (yes we have them) but your using excuses to justify a shitty move. Lesbian, gay, straight whatever, that is undeniably a horrible thing to do to someone. If your into girls tell the guy, but don't make him think you really like him (because he will). I'm not different from most guys, but i do feel i am a one woman man, and if a girl did that to me my heart would break, shatter and burn. Not only would that lead to this guy having trust issues, but you'd only be doing what so many Douche bag Men have done to women.
lol for some women ( must be straight ) saying the guy is actually using her as a pity sex and the lesbians couldnt enjoy sex with men. Do you know how many straight guys and girls have gay sex? No attraction doesnt mean you couldnt get orgasm!!! The OP is horrible person and she is toying men emotion. Thats if you straight girls ever believe that we men have emotions like you. But I doubt you straight girls believe that. All in your mind just men using women for sex, thats all.
It's insane to me how you people read this girls short question, and are responding with such passion as if you know this girl's entire life story. Most of you have absolutely no understanding of the complexity involved in sexuality, and are scathing the poor girl based on your personal opinions, small minded opinions at that. This girl is clearly not full aware of her exact sexual identity, hence her not knowing if her behavior is appropriate, and asking for advice. I could have asked this exact same question when I was younger. Self sexual identification wouldn't be an easy task even if all "types" were widely understood and accepted, but they aren't even close. People, like myself (emotionally lesbian/ sexually bi, but with a significant preference in women), who have tendencies that are borderline can have an even more difficult time learning about themselves. So before you pelt her with your ignorant opinions, why don't you take some time to realize this matter is far more inconvenient and draining to her, and stop being a misinformed prick.
Its Simple. If a woman in love with another woman also like to have sex with a guy is called a BISEXUAL... doesn't matter whether they have romantic/emotional feelings towards men or not. if you are sexually attracted to both you are bisexual. nothing to argue. Because Lesbians only get sexually attracted towards women..
you can't have sex without a sexual attraction na. So those women who identifies them as lesbians but like having sex with guys are the ones who tries to neglect that they are bisexual :D Case closed.
I know somebody that named Marvin Gantuangco and Amy Fajardo in Vancouver Canada,gay and lesbian but not afraid of having casual sex specially when they are drunk.I respect whatever the reponses.But must preserve the "DIGNITY".It's very,very important to preserve it,and it must be.God will smile upon you if you care about your "DIGNITY".God bless.
Write a comment...
easy answer SLEEP WITH BOTH