Any man in a committed relationship that is still perusing online dating sites is doing something wrong. You have every right to be concerned, and I think you should talk to him about it.
I would ask him about whether or not his parents and family like you. Have they been telling him that they don't like him dating someone outside of the Jewish faith? Ask him about what he thinks. Does he see a future with you? It's not like you have to pry an engagement ring out of his hand, but you should try and get a sense of his thoughts. It's entirely up to you whether or not to bring up the fact that he's still on Jdate, but definitely try to talk about your underlying concerns.
Best of luck.
Ladies, have you been involved in some interfaith dating drama? How did you handle it?
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I have. I'm Jewish and was in a 2+ year relationship with a nonjewish guy. And I have to say, it was HARD. my parents were okay with it, and my more liberal family members knew. But even they went out of their way to remind me out children must be raised Jewish. Other family members I couldn't tell. I didn't think much of it until I realized that the children thing was important to me also. And his face when I said I never wanted a tree in the house was heartbreaking. The final straw came with holidays. I was close with his family, and they had me help trim the tree, and gave me my own stocking. And I felt like a tourist, like it was someone else's holiday. And he couldn't understand my family's traditions, language, or communication style. Judaism isn't just a religion, it's an ethnic group and culture. And the hard thing about dating outside of it is that someone somewhere is going to have to give up parts of their own culture. It's a big and hard compromise to make.
That being said, that doesnt condone cheating or withholding information. If he wants to marry a Jewish girl he had a responsibility to communicate that to you from the get go. And if you guys are in a committed relationship he shouldn't be on a dating website. If you haven't become official yet, then the cyber stalking gets weirder. Just ask him about his beliefs on mixed marriages. Pretty easy to clear up with some clear communication.
Hi Sarah and MM, thanks for the reply.We are official, but not very serious yet. Weve only been dating for several months....its not like Im seeking to marry the guy or anything. I just fear that hes dating me while still seeking a Jewish girl =(...That would be very selfish of him and it would hurt me greatly. Although I am not sure if my fear is warranted. Admittedly, I can be very paranoid (look at my cyber stalking). He and I have very little dating experience so ours is trial and error at times.
And yes, I feel creepy and weirded out checking his JDate profile but I guess I want to protect myself before he hurts me. I fear investing in a man who wont take me seriously. I also fear bringing up 'serious talk' when our relationship is not too serious yet. What I would like is for him to commit and take me seriously on his own, as I think its wrong to force him to chose or be sure too soon. I am very understanding. I am also very sensitive. Last thing I want to do is invest in a man who is not sure of me because I am non-Jewish. By the way, we both are Atheist, but his family is conservative. I believe his father would like him to marry a Jewish woman and have jewish kids....and my bf is a daddy's boy.
Should I bail before he hurts me? Thing is, I think I love him already. *sigh*
Your going to have to convert. The woman controls the lineage and religion of the children. This is most important in tradition....
Mystery man doesn't even know the meaning of the word peruse. He probably saw that word in Cosmopolitan, so I wouldn't trust anything he has to say. Dictionaries are your friend, Mystery idiot-man.
Peruse means to read something in detail. It's lawyer talk and has no purpose used outside a law firm, except for mystery people pretending to be smart.
Wow, superiority complex maybe? Check!! LOL
Peruse: examine or consider with attention and in detail
Why does this not apply to 'perusing' a date site?
What were you looking for the one MM question with something for you to attack? I bet you are an ugly hag with no life, maybe an ugly lawyer at that lmao. Either way, ugly and miserable b/c regardless of your looks, that is the character you portray with your words.
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