Basically, you're saying you're too gorgeous to be loved? That men are not only blinded by your beauty, but they are terrified by it? I know exactly how you feel, girl.
You have three options. You can get ugly, fast. Slouch. Drool. Work on getting a cold sore. I would recommend morbid obesity. Do nothing all day but eat ice cream with your fingers, chug pints of nacho cheese, and eat Hamburger Helper directly from the skillet. Stop bathing. Start hoarding things, like empty cans of tuna fish and old shoes. Find your inner-troll, and hope she eats your outer-hottie.
Another option is to hang out with different guys. A man being afraid of a lovely lady is like a bunny rabbit freaked out by a carrot. Seriously, there are plenty of dudes out with the meteors to walk up to a woman, introduce himself, and not cry.
You have one final option. But first, here's some truth. I have always hit on the hottest woman in the room. While I think all pick-artist techniques is just self-esteem auto-fluffing, I have told other dudes to ALWAYS zero in on super hot chicks. Because no one hits on hotties. Dudes are intimidated, which baffles me. Men are supposed to relish taking chances. Impossible battles. Hello, was our gender intimidated by the moon? No! That's why we walked all over it. Or they're lazy, preferring to persue women they think are easier to seduce. Lots of guys just think good looking girls are stuck-up and not worth the effort. In my experience, everybody is insecure. Wah. Love rewards risk.
Whether you like it or not, you have to become more proactive. This is the last option. You can't just be a wall flower. A mysterious, aloof coquette. It's the 21st century. Pretty soon, we'll all have robot monkeys. Get out there and turn on the charm. Show men that you are approachable by approaching. You don't have to get all up in their personal space. But you need to let the men in your life know that you are fun, open, and looking for a giggle. This is called compromise, and it happens to the best of us.
very nice advice John^^ but also men can be intimidated by women just being CONFIDENT in themselves. I'm not exactly 'hot girl' material but not 'beat with an ugly stick' either, but I learned to love myself and be happy with what I like and whatnot that guys just pick up I'm confident in myself and that alone has scared many guys away. It could be guys are afraid that the confident women just are afraid of getting shot down before they can finish saying 'Hi I'm Mr. Hot Wormwood' (don't ask about the name I had a super strange dream last night XD)
But just keep to what makes you happy and never change that just to get a date. Once you start changing small things everything else can change and next thing you'll be wondering is where the you that started the relationship went and who the heck are you now kind of deal. It's happened to me so trust me don't allow it to happen to you it sucks ALOT to lose yourself for the sake of dating another person who isn't happy that you can stand up for what you do and don't like.
I agree with both Meepa and John. This whole "guy-gets-girl" thing is highly complex and is slowly but surely evolving into a "guy-gets-girl-or-girl-gets-guy-whatever" sort of thing. So go ahead and approach the men who catch your fancy, and they will either reject you or be receptive to your advances. Trust me, it is nerve racking, but guys have been doing it since the beginning of time and continued to do it even after it was no longer as easy as knocking the chick over the head and dragging her to his cave. Now, keep in mind that if any tactics that you consider employing are not really you and/or make you uncomfortable, dont do it. You dont have to change who you are, but a little initiative may be the best thing that has ever happened to you.
What's wrong with Hamburger Helper?
Ha, Hamburger Helper has made me nauseous since I was ten years old, when I was eating it while watching a show about the Guiness World Records, and they were reporting about the heaviest person alive. Something about seing a 1300lbs man kindof.. changes you.
And yes, I do realize that although this information shows off my amazing memory skills, it is completely and utterly useless to everybody here, and does not answer your question at all. My bad.
Hamber Helper right out of the skillet? I die. Hilarious.
Ugh. Guys NEVER flirt with me. I hate it, it can be so hurtful. I'm a very pretty girl, but I'm not buying the intimidation excuse. There is nothing scary about me. I'm just a little shy....
Shy people ARE scary. Shy people are SOO hard to talk to... it must be why. I'm very outgoing and shy people are the most intimidating. In my mind I'm thinking: are they shy, do they just not want to talk to me?, why are they so uncomfortable, is it something I said? Cause I mean when you think about it, the body language that shy people give off is closed usually and thats the same sort of body langauge that people give off when they dont like you or think you're strange. Its like shy people are holding secrets or something, I'm like why the lack of friendly interaction?. For me, their uncomfortableness makes me uncomfortable, and for that reason I avoid them. I would definitely guess your body langauge is very closed and intimidating.... and maybe thats why guys find you scary. Also, talking to someon who doesnt really seem enthusiastic in talking back is really difficult as well.
Definitely this. I have no problem approaching most anybody, provided they're able to converse. Being shy can definitely come across like you'd rather be left alone. Lighten up, have fun, and don't be afraid to laugh at a joke or two.
It's not always a matter of "lightening up," hon. Sometimes us shy girls will think that a guy is super hot, but we start blushing and get tongue-tied.
I am willing to admit that the shy girl and the arrogant leave-me-alone girl do look similar at first glance, but they really don't have anything in common.
It's good to know the other side of the coin in this.
Most of my life, I have been very shy. I've been able to overcome some of it (depends where I'm at and who I'm with), but if I'm somewhere I'm not familiar with or don't know anybody, I'll clam up. This stems from fear, not from a wish to make more outgoing people uncomfortable.
When you're shy, it feels like you're on stage, acting a part. Actually, being on stage is easier; you know where to go and what to say. You have the impulse to hide and not draw attention to yourself, because what if the other person doesn't like what they see? A more outgoing person would know how to handle this. A shy person has the feeling that all eyes are on them anyway, which only humiliates them more.
Then you have the part that shy people already think something is wrong with them, and then you have an unholy mess. Being quiet in this society is not rewarded, it's labeled anti-social.
I try to let guys know I'm interested, and usually fail miserably because of the be-damned shyness. Outgoing people intimidate me; often it's because they speak loudly, or demand to know what you're thinking. With a shy person, speak as if they have sensitive ears, and give them time to answer your question, but be prepared for the answer. They may just blow you away. It's not that they're not enthused by talking to you, they just show it differently.
Yeah, even though I am not a guy and have exactly NO experience in hitting on women, I'm gonna proclaim myself an expert on the topic for the next, say.. 6 minutes.
And I'll start off by saying that it's a lot more about attitude than looks. I'm not saying guys don't go on looks, because they obviously do. However, I've been led to believe that between a super gorgeous women who seems high-maintenance and catty, who thinks that because she is beautiful, she can just sit back in the corner of the room and watch all the guys fight over her; and another woman who is very pretty but not gorgeous, who is with her friends, laughing and having fun, and has the confidence to chat up a dude who strikes her interest, most men will pick the latter. Not necessarily because she is less likely to reject them (although I'm sure that is a factor), but also because maybe getting with the first woman is not necessarily WORTH the extra work. What's a couple of extra points on the hotness scale, really? Especially if a lot of sacrifice (time, money,etc) is required to get them, AND if that second girl just seems a lot more chill to hang out with in the first place.
So I guess my advice is basically to smile, not feel like you're ENTITLED to have a whole lot of guys drooling over you because you're pretty, and just approach the damn guy yourself. I'm sure he won't mind.
I have the same problem, all my friends are shocked when I tell them I never get hit on because I'm quite pretty. However, my boyfriend says I look like I'll shoot someone at times. Maybe it's your expression? Ah well, don't worry about it - eventually, someone will be brave enough to talk to you and he will be rewarded the many benefits of dating an attractive woman.
Yeah I also have this problem, but it's good to know I'm not the only one. When I was younger, I had 20 kg more on my hips, dressed less sexy and I had them guys hitting on me constantly. Now I'm more confident, look much better and they keep avoiding me like I'm some poisonous toad or something. Doesn't help that I am shy as hell and would never start a conversation with a good looking stranger.
And I am not sure if they think I'm unapproachable, I mean even if I smile at them, or I try to dance with them or something, they're like fleeing from me, goddamn why?
I had this problem in the past. For the most part, the only men who actually came up and made a move on me were at least 15-20yrs older than I was. Younger men often looked, but few dared approach. I talked to a few of my male friends and they claimed that I seemed "intimidating". I never got an exact reason why from them- they themselves couldn't explain it, it was more of an "instinctual thing." Needless to say, I was confused. I know that I am attractive, but certainly not a supermodel...and I am friendly and quite easy to get along with. So, I spent a lot of time single.
Until one day, it occured to me that I was tired of waiting around. I just started asking people out myself. What a novel idea! I knew that I didn't want to date the sort of individual who was put off by me being straight-forward; it's an innate part of my personality, and whoever is in my life is going to have to deal with it. So essentially, I had nothing to lose. From that point on, I found myself saying things like "I find you attractive and would like to get to know you better. Let's have dinner." The great part is that even when men turned me down, they appreciated my honesty and bluntness. Less guesswork and no games! Who has the patience for that nonsense anyway? I certainly don't.
And low and behold, at age 27, I found a guy who was mature enough to not only accept my confidence, but to love it... as well as the rest of my personality traits and various odd quirks. Mutual respect and happiness ensued.
I suppose my point is this- DON'T GIVE UP. And don't be afraid to make some moves of your own. Give the other sex a break (apparently working up the nerve to ask us out is a scary thing!)- and know that people come into your life exactly when they're supposed to. I wish you luck.
JD never fails to make me laugh. Robot monkeys FTW!
And yeah, poor pretty girl, too pretty for guys to flirt with. "This is where the tears would be if I could cry, but I can't. Botched facelift." ~ The Simpsons
but what if your to shy to go up to a guy
I have this problem a lot. I am a pretty girl, I have a college degree, and I'm pretty independent. But for some reason when I go out with my girlfriends, I am always the odd woman out with no one to talk to. And when I do get hit on, it's usually by some drunk freak that wants to terrorize me to give himself some kind of ego boost. My bubbly friends seem to get a lot more attention (I am bubbly by the way, I guess just not desperate???). I dunno?????? I guess I don't "put myself out there" like I am supposed to...dating sucks ass!
I was really glad to read your comment cause 'yay!' there are others out there that have felt this way. I'm a pretty girl, my friends find me to be hilarious and fun to be around, am college-educated, but was always the girl who no guy talked to. I am shy and wouldn't throw myself at the first guy to approach my group of friends at a bar or club. I liked to think I had a bit more dignity and slightly more discriminating taste, but it also meant I was alone...a lot. Cause it's hard to find that one guy who is intrigued by your shyness and will push past any perceived barriers...(despite what chick-flicks may lead you to believe). This is especially true for guys at bars and clubs- they are looking for easy, not soul-mate. I got past this through online dating. I only did it for about 3 months, but it was enough to jump-start and hone my dating skills. The beauty is that you don't have to be super outgoing to meet people. Talk to everyone- email, chat, meet for coffee, whatever. I now have the confidence to approach the guys I WANT to talk to (or at least smile and make eye-contact) which is WAY better than just sitting around and waiting for some loser to come talk to you.
Firs, I didn't personally interpret the original comment as saying she couldn't get a boyfriend because she was "too" pretty; but what I interpreted was that she she couldn't seem to get a boyfriend despite the fact that she is pretty. I found this thread because I identify with the original statement. I'm about a 7 or 8, but I'm so painfully shy around guys I'm interested in I shut down, and as another poster pointedly commented, probably send out signals I don't intend to send out. I recently asked a guy friend if I sometimes come across as detached and unconfident, and if this was way I don't get asked out very much. He said something that I hope helps other girls and/or guys out there that experience the same problem. He said "It's not about how these people identify you. They don't know you. Society sets a standard are if a person doesn't fall in to those standards, especially when it comes to how we are trained to perceive the opposite sex, then there is something wrong with you. But I'm telling you, because I know you, there is nothing wrong with you. You don't need to change a damn thing about yourself."
Now, I don't know if any of you watch the show Bullshit, but you should. it's a great show. And I personally would like to call bullshit on the idea that a person needs to be in a relationship for some sort of validation. As a shy person, just getting into a relationship is like getting approved for a loan on a luxury car - we all want it, we have a fuzzy feeling when we think of it and a notion that it'll make everything better once we get it, but chances of it happening anytime soon aren't very good. Besides I know plenty and plenty of people who are in relationships -and are miserable.
On a final note I'd just like to say, just enjoy what you have right now, and don't pine away over this notion that you need a boyfriend or girlfriend. If it happens it happens, and if doesn't it doesn't. I know I've waisted too mny years beating myself up over the little stupid things I might have said or done to deter guys from asking me out, and I've certainly embarrassed myself enough times hitting on unavailable men. That's life. As awesomely awesome as sex is, which is the REAL reason people date in the first place, otherwise I would have married my best friend from work.
I personally think shyness has it's upside too. Shy people have to get to know people, generally speaking, before they feel comfortable with them; and relationships based off of friendships are pretty freakin' awesome, from what I've heard anyways.
I have the same problem. I've been continuously told that I'm pretty. However most of them don't seem to pursue me and I’m not that kind of person who can take the heft in their own hands when it comes down to ‘wooing’ guys. I am way too shy for that.
People tell me I'm gorgeous. The guys who generally hit on me do it in an overbearing, over the top kind of way. I feel like sometimes they're trying to make me feel uncomfortable. I rarely get asked out in a reasonable way. Most guys just try to catch glimpses, stare, and/or have a conversation with me but rarely actually ask me out.
On the other hand, when I go out with my sister (who is pretty) she'll get hit on, but in a nice way. I always get the pigs. I don't know what the deal is.