The practical advice is: there's not much you can do. But whatever you do, don't change.
The odds are against you. If you want to date guys in your age range, you have to play a numbers game. The vast majority of dudes in their early twenties are pack dogs, and slaves to fratthink. The buzz of the dude hive is loud in their he-brains. They are confused by what they think other guys find sexy, and what it is that actually gives them boners. As they ripen, ideally, they become more comfortable with themselves, and what they want. But I promise you, there are guys out there who know exactly what they want, and would jump at, and on, a cute chick who knows how to get her hands dirty (not to mention her nether regions.) As the Taoists say, one cannot fail forever. The right dude is out there, you just have to find him, and vice versa. Have a gambler's courage.
Be patient. Wait it out. Have an open heart.
Today's friend could become tomorrow's pillow buddy. Or who knows, you could bump into and spill beer all over some awesome nerd bro in the market for a chick who doesn't have a daily appointment to have her hair blown out.
Personally, I have a soft-spot for tomboys. And I know what I'm talking about -- I have been, in the past, a total man-slut. I've dated all types. I've dated girly-girls, and have nothing against them. I've even loved them. But I've always found that glittering princesses can be high maintenance, and even worse, really bland in bed. Sorry, but bodily fluids are part of getting naked and slapping it.
My longest relationships have been with women who are comfortable in their own skin, can just hang out, and know how to gussy up, but choose not to. Enjoy your friendships, don't change, and trust that good things come to those who stay true to themselves.
What are your thoughts on Battlestar Galactica, by the way? How about NASCAR?
I always identified with Starbuck. She was fraking awesome until she went and got married, grew out her hair and lost her balls. But it all worked out in the end, she came back roaring and badass.
Honey, you'll be fine. Open up a little more, flirt, touch them for toasters sake! (touching them sends the nurons firing in all directions, especially down there).
My dad is an electrician and taught me a few things. Nothing says love like a guy who can appreciate a girl who knows the names of tools and what they can do. Or the names of sports teams and where they are located in this country (something I still haven't figured out, I know my way around the alpha quadrant but I still don't know where the Steelers are from).
Being open to being in a relationship does wonders. Say it loud and proud: I AM BEAUTIFUL AND WORTHY OF A GOOD RELATIONSHIP. Say it until you believe it and watch the magic.
Don't worry what he is saying is completely right i'm pretty tom boyish myself and was always afraid that I would never find a guy but i have been able to find guys who can appreciate who I am.
I agree with Megan. You don't have to change who you are but you should make sure that guys know when you like them. Flirtation does not a girly-girl make, so let yourself touch a guy's arm, make good eye contact, and smile. Guys won't take you out of the friend zone if they think that is where you want to be. Maybe some guy feels like he's trapped in your friend zone...
As another 22 year old, I feel your pain and the advice of waiting it out, while good, is almost more painful. The dating pool is terrible for our age group right now. DeVore is absolutely right, the fratdawgs are not boys, but they haven't developed into full blown manhood yet either. My advice is, rather than waiting for men our age to mature a bit, try dating men a few years older than you. I'm dating a guy who is only two years older than me but it absolutely makes a difference. He is out of college, he has a real job and the maturity that a job necessitates (I could care less about the money). Also, at this point they can appreciate a lower maintenance girl who can hang out with a beer and BSG vs doing keg stands and flashing minivans. The trick is not to date too much older than you, unless you want someone who is ready to get married and pop out a few babies (this is my experience). I don't know about you, but I have no desire to do any of those things for a LOOONG time. I would say the prime age bracket for us is between 24 and 32 (or 24 to DeVore, whatever that may be...)
or 24 to DeVore, whatever that may be.... YES. Loves it.
Dont change. Dont change. Dont change. The more you're around boys/men the more they'll pick up on those clues that you are open and available - and you can shoot the sh*t even better.
I think we might be the DeVore fan girls (women, ladies, succubi, estrogen fueled funk machines)....surely we're not alone?
If we are better for us. Im not so good at sharing awesomeness once its found.
Make sure they are not too much older because they could also just want to use you because some older guys think younger girls are stupid. Something I'm going through now.
Good advice DeVore! Don't change. Don't settle. Take it from this fellow tomboy, you're probably gonna need a guy with a strong personality to match wits with you. I dated plenty of guys, a few around my age, while I was in my early 20's. Neither of us was ready for anything serious. I also dated guys up to 11 years older than me. The older guys were more settled into their careers, which allowed for more "grown up" dating (nicer restaurants, better tickets to events, etc), but they weren't necessarily any more ready to get serious than the younger guys. Once I hit about 25, I did start to wonder if I would ever find a guy to marry. I wasn't obsessed about it, but it was strange how I went from being freaked out when a guy just mentioned the word marriage (he didn't ask me to marry him, but probably would have been perfect) to being engaged to a different guy about 8 months later. Looking back (I'm 36 now), I'm not even really sure what drew me to this guy. He was completely wrong for me (we did get married and are separated now). His personality wasn't strong enough and I walked all over him. It's hard to respect a guy like that.
Moral of the story... Don't get in a rush. It will happen when it's supposed to happen. Don't settle for anything less than the guy you really want, that is a good fit for you. Don't go changing with the intent to get a guy. If it's a natural progression of change for you, that's okay. But don't change to please someone else.
You've probably already got several guy friends who are head over heels for you. But you're way cooler than any other girl they know, so they're intimidated by you, and they won't admit they want you. Eventually, though, the truth always comes out. In the meantime all you can do is keep being yourself. Don't worry about it. When it's meant to be, it will happen for you.
Chances are, a lot of your male friends have already entertained the notion. It's a sad fact about men, but we tend to keep female friends that we wouldn't mind waking up next to after a few too many drinks.
Truth is, we love the idea of being with a girl who shares our interests, somebody we can kick back and watch a game with, drink beer with, play x-box with, and generally do what we'd be doing anyway, all without her getting bored or dragging us shopping. Don't change, just put some vibes out there, and see who picks up on them! You'll do fine.
Nice answer. It gives us non-glittering princesses hope. :)
oh John I think I love you.
I've entirely been there! I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 23...I didn't have sex till I was 22 (don't do the math)....I finally realized that when I was really comfortable with myself, started doing the things I loved and acting confident in who I was when I did them...I got a man! It was funny because a couple of years after I finished grad school I met up with some of the college football players that I worked with and hung out with all the time...but never imagined would ever date me! And can you believe that they said they told me that they thought I was hot back then, they loved that I loved football, was smart, pretty much rocked at beer pong and would have gladly asked me out on a date! They also told me they didn't because it just never seemed like I wanted to date! I put out a vibe that I was too busy and I needed to go watch the game and drink beer with my friends! So stay you, do the things you like, have confidence in yourself and something will happen :-)
I'm with ya, homeslice. I didn't have a real boyfriend until I was 23...which, is now...and I still haven't had sex (although that's a personal choice). I spent the first 22 years of my life hating my breasts, my hips, and my thighs, so I hid them with baggy hoodies, baggier jeans, and pretty much anything that wouldn't draw attention to my body. I was too insecure to wear "girly" clothing, because I grew up with nothing but guy friends...so, naturally...the majority of my conversations tend to revolve around sports...not to mention I'm very competitive. I used to think dressing "girly" would cause my guy friends not to like me, or not respect me as being on their level when it came to sports. However, once I finally got semi-comfortable with my body, and starting dressing in more feminine attire and being comfortable with my "girly goods", haha, I became more confident in my physical appearance...and due to being more physically confident, it also made me more confident and comfortable with having a "tomboy" attitude. So, I'm able to wear heels and make-up, and still tell my buddies that my team has a 10-1 ACC/Big Ten Challenge record vs. their 6-5 pathetic excuse of a record....(for example, of course! hehe) But, don't get me wrong...don't lose a sense of who you are. I still wear my jeans, my hoodies, and my ball caps...but I feel a lot more confident doing it. I love being "one of the guys" amongst my group of friends...but, if you're ONLY considered one of the guys...that's when it starts to get depressing. We're girls. So, while we like the feeling of acceptance and respect for our tomboyish attitudes...we also need to feel sexy and wanted. So, you just need to find the right balance. And if some guy doesn't like you for it...then, psssht, bump dat.
"Have a gambler's courage. Be patient. Wait it out."
This is going on a post-it in every room of my house and the office.
I knew a girl just like you. And after about 3 years, I saw her dressed up in a dress and she looked so good, I got an instant boner. In fact, she was so drop-dead gorgeous that I had to touch and feel just to make sure she was real. My g/f, who was right beside me, was also attracted to her and even said that she would totally be open to having a 3some with her.
Diam, if you're anywhere near as hot as this number, put some girly clothes on and just watch the guys drool. Yep. I damn came in my pants that night.
Um...ew...but...thanks?
Yeah I agree with stay true to tom-boyish self BUT be a little sexy with it at the same time. There is a happy medium between tom-boy and girly girl. You can be the tomboy and play sports and get dirty but when its time to hang out at the bar or drinks or dinner, wear something more fitting and flattering to your sexy assets......I would assume that would draw attention to you in a non "friend zone" way