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I'm "dating" a guy i met on the net, but we've never met. We talk on the phone for hours but I'm nervous that when we meet i might not live up to what he thinks of me. How can I talk to him about this?

I'm going to emphasize the quotes you put around the word "dating." Because the two of you aren't really dating. You're getting to know each other, and two people can feel like like they know each other strictly through correspondence and phone conversations. Some of the greatest romances in history happened between two people separated by great distances, who had no choice but to seduce one another with words. I have no doubt that you have feelings for this guy -- but he partially exists in your imagination.

Take the pressure off yourself and this meeting. Everything up to this point has been a fun prelude to reality. You could meet him and there could be zero chemistry. You could meet him and fall for him even more. The only way to protect yourself against disappointment is to accept that both things could happen tomorrow. It is out of your control. For now, eat a bowl of cereal and watch True Blood.

If you and this guy talk regularly, I don't there's any harm in expressing your nervousness. This is normal. You're excited. He is, too. Don't freak out on him.

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4 Comments

Caitlin

Wait until you're having a good time on the real date before telling him you were nervous. Telling someone you don't think they'll like you before you see them sounds super insecure... and that's probably not how you want to come off.

Good luck!!

Sophie Jean

Lady, did you send him fake pics of yourself, or are they old pics from when you were different? The only way you probably wouldn't physically (which is what I would have to assume you mean, because he's obviously crazy about everything else) live up to his expectations is if you aren't being honest.

user-pic

I had the same situation and it felt like I had known him forever when we met for the first time. I think you can really get to know a person by email, phone, ect. but the key is have you been honest about who you are and also him of course.....if so let the fireworks begin!

user-pic

I've been caught up in an online "dating" scenario that started out as a chatting about a mutual love of history and within two weeks of talking 3 hours a night he told me he was falling. I live on the other side of the US from him and we have been talking about getting together, but when it didn't work out the first time, we both got so disappointed we had a small spat and he started to remember his LAST relationship which was also long distance and went running. He said he was totally afraid that if he met me in person he would fall madly in love with me and then he would be back in the same situation again and that it would "destroy" him. The last woman made NO attempt to fly to him or lift a finger and I think he thinks that's the way it will be again. She also borrowed money from him (as a loan) and then broke up with him shortly after and told him it had been a 'gift'. Now I can't get him to agree to even meet since he says he would rather not even start, fall in love and then have us end up hating/resenting each other over the distance issue. What do I do now??? I'm CRAZY about this guy!

L

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