I'd be remiss if I didn't just ask this upfront: why are you dating a guy that you think is gay? Perhaps that's just your thing, but given the question, I'd wager it bothers you.
By the way, I've been conditioned to associate San Francisco with gayness. As soon as I saw "I'm dating a guy in San Francisco...", I assumed a gay man would be prominently involved.
My guitar gently weeps.
Anyway, considering that you've been intimate, I'm thinking you could probably, ya know, ask him if he's ever been with or prefers men. There's no concrete way to tell if he's gay. I mean, he had sex with you didn't he? I would assume a gay guy wouldn't be interested in doing the do with you. That's why I think its okay to ask him if he is into guys and gals. He'll probably tell you straight up. He might be taken aback by the question (and then wonder why you want to know), but he has no reason to lie to you.
By the way, having your gay friends hit on him seems like a really bad idea, and douchey thing to do to him. For one, it will come up at some point later which is a convo that is prone to go badly. For two, if he doesn't give into any of their advances, it isn't proof that he's not gay, it's proof that he's not interested in any of those guys. It's not exactly pure science you're working with there. Just like him being femininte isn't a surefire indicator. I'm sure he was feminine when you met and for some reason you took a chance that he was straight, right?
The bottom line is that you need to talk to him about it. Trying to set him up isn't going to fix your problem and if he never falls for a trap you will always wonder. It's bad enough that you're questioning (though in today's climate, anything is possible) a guy you're dating and have slept with's sexuality...after booty, but now you want to trick him into being gay?
Ask and take him at his word unless he starts wearing your panties and Vogueing around the living room. And if you still don't believe him, then perhaps you need to just let it go.
It was written.
Do you have something more to go on, then him acting feminine? Some of my best guy friends have been considered to be "feminine," but are straight. Don't jump to any conclusions- if there is a genuine concern, then be upfront and ask. But otherwise, don't equate femininity with homosexuality. They're not always the same.
I've known a few feminine guys who are totally straight, and a few gay guys who you can't even tell they're gay at first meeting because they just act like one of the guys. Your particular guy may be bi, or he may just be really in touch with his feminine side.
I have to disagree with PJ on how to deal with this. Maybe have your gay friends talk to him (they are your friends, after all) about you and what he finds appealing, without any flirtation on their parts. If their gaydar twitches, then ask your guy about it. If not, well, enjoy the man and his color-coordinating apartment. God knows that's a rare find!
I dunno. It's her problem with her boyfriend, why get her friends involved? If I was her guy I'd sort of feel ambushed if someone I didn't know, or not know that well, start questioning my sexuality. Not because I'd be ashamed, but because it's not any of their business.
If he turns out to be gay, or perhaps bisexual, then I'd probably ask my friends to talk to him, but until I know for sure I think it's best to keep it between the couple.
Only the closed-minded think San Francsicso and automatically think gay people. Where are you from Panama, the deep south? (that was a joke for those who are going to accuse me of being hypocritical...) I'm from California and I cant even count how many people have misconceptions about the Bay Area. Its the same thing as thinking anyone from SoCal has breast implants-- so ignorant. Yes, there are neighborhoods in SF (ie the Castro) that have lots of gay people that live together, but straight men are still the vast majority- its just like, concentrated gay areas.
Anyway, for me, I cant date a guy who I don't feel is a MAN, you know ladies? How can you even be attracted to someone who you may guess is gay? I think she should ask him if he's ever had sex with men and see how things go from there.
As one of America's growing number of "butch-but-barely" tax-paying, better-educated gays, I identify closely with what you and your "boyfriend" are dealing with. Took me a couple of decades to fully realize that I was wise in calling off my engagement (made in my 20s) and settling down with a life partner of my same gender. Wouldn't have worked out with a woman. She wanted 2.5 children, a house in the suburbs, and reason to stay home making dinner every night. I'm retired now, and thank the good lord that I learned enough about what's "normal" early enough. I'm not a "man-on-top" guy, at least with women!
ummmmmm... gay guys do not like to wear women's panties, sir. just so ya know:)
What if you have asked the guy he is gay and he completely denies it but you still aren't sure? Then what? I'm pretty sure this guy is just deluding himself and hiding behind his good looks, hours in the gym and homophobia. I am the third woman he's dated recently to ask him if he's gay. That can't be a good sign....
What if he has been asked several times by different women he has dated he is guy and denies it? I think some men are self-delusional and hide their true sexuality behind a cloud of homophobia. How do you know then?