No, YOU were perfectly happy. He was not, obviously, or you would still be together. The career thing was just an excuse to break up with you, and a poor one at that. No guy dumps a woman he truly cares about to focus on his career, I don't care if he's a brain surgeon or a rocket scientist. He finds a way to do both. It might mean seeing each other a little less than usual, but there's no need to break things off completely. I call BS.
Forgive me for being blunt. I'm sorry this happened to you. Getting blindsided sucks--I've been there. You'll spend a lot of time going back over the last few weeks and months wondering what you did wrong and how you could have missed the signs. You can't blame yourself, though--it takes two to tango. If he had issues with you, he should have voiced them. He gets an F in communication.
How do you get him back? First, of course, you must talk to him and find out why he really broke up with you. The deed is done so he can cut the BS and tell you the truth. What was wrong with your relationship? Why couldn't/didn't he talk to you about it (and I'm assuming he didn't since you were blindsided)? Is there someone else? Did something happen? Was it you? Was it him? Have the entire five years been a farce? Sit him down, look him in the eye, and ask him that all-important question that must be asked sometimes to people we love: "Dude. What the f*ck?!"
Until he's honest about why he dumped you, you won't be able to get him back. I don't know that you will be able to get him back even if he is completely honest and forthcoming. He chose to drop the hammer on you without discussing anything--it doesn't sound to me like he wants to work it out. It sounds like he wants a clean break.
You still deserve an explanation, though, so get one from him. Then perhaps you two can work out your differences and emerge with a stronger relationship than you had before. Or, who knows, you might decide you're the one who doesn't want to get back together. Do you really want to date someone who has to be talked into it?
Thanks for the question.
Baby girl.., why do you want a guy who doesn’t want you? Please love yourself & move on. It's hard.., I know. (ehugs)
i am so sorry ... this happened to me recently, and i know how much it hurts. but believe me as time passes, you'll start to feel better. it sounds silly, but i came across a quote (from tupac nonetheless) that really helped me for some reason:
"You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on."
(I like that, I think I'll steal it.)
Yeah, it definitely sounds like an excuse to break up. I mean there are people out there that manage to have long distance relationships that stretch over thousands of miles and years and years. Compared to that putting in a few extra hours at work is nothing. So yeah, he wants out. Let him go - you can't make someone stay. Even if you do talk him into getting back with you it'll only be a matter of time until he reconsiders and leaves again.
And consider this, if he really, genuinely cared about you and your happiness he wouldn't have blindsided you with this. He would've approached you a long time ago to share his concerns with you.
I have to agree with the Wise Ass. While you may have been happy and thought it was perfect, he obviously had some dissatisfaction. Focusing on his career is actually a pretty weak - and cowardly in my view - excuse. Heck, I can't imagine pushing ahead in my career without my beloved wife behind me, flattering my ego thus giving me the confidence to take risks that otherwise I wouldn't consider taking.
That said, I'm disappointed in your BF. He lacked the courage, and balls, to tell you that he was not happy. Not only that, he didn't even bother, i.e. care enough about you, to bring it up and try to work on it. He wanted out, but was too scared to confront you. A man of high character would have first determined if he wanted to keep the relationship going. If he did, he would have brought up what was bothering him, and tried to resolve the relationalship issues. If not, he would have told you directly, he wanted out, and accepted any drama that came his way, knowing that drama would come. In fact, he would have told you a long time ago that the relationship was on the rocks instead of blindsiding you.
I know you love him, but honestly, is this the type of man you REALLY want to be with?
same here. :*(. so Mr. X, how do we find guys like you?
I totally disagree with Wise Ass in this one. I HAVE broken up with a person for no other reason than I needed to focus on my career. It wasn't that we weren't happy, or that I wasn't happy, it was that while I was divided in my attention, I couldn't give both my SO and my career the attention they needed to grow. I loved my SO a LOT...but I'm good at what I do, and what I do requires a lot of attention to detail to be good at it. I wanted to be able to provide for myself, and that meant being able to concentrate on my career to establish that first. I had honestly hoped that my SO and I might have a chance later (NOT wait for me, just live his life and if it worked out, that would have been AWESOME) but at the time, I made the decision that I felt was best for everyone.
So it's not necessarily BS, and sometimes you CAN'T "do both" and give the amount of committment you need to to both. Sometimes a relationship is just the perfect person at the wrong time, and despite the romantic movies, throwing your career aside, or distracting yourself from building it to have a relationship isn't always the right thing to do.
IF becoming successful in your career means spending 70+ hours a week at work, and other committments how do you "do both"? And before you tell me that it can work out, sometimes it can't, not and becomes the success that you want to be at both. A relationship, like a career, requires time and attention to grow. If you're trying to grow two plants, and you only have one cup of water a day, what do you do? You can divide the water between the plants, and neither will thrive, though both will live, or you can choose one of the plants to give all the water too and yes, one will probably die, but the other will THRIVE. It's the same thing....and having a career allows me to be indipendent, so that when I did find someone, I came into the relationship as equals, not less or more, but equals in our lives, our growth and therefore into our relationship.
So sorry, Wise Ass, but sometimes there is no alternative thought, or other reason...it's a simple matter of deciding that no matter how much you love someone, a career is important too.