Before I answer your question, I'll ask you one: why are you friends with your ex on Facebook? What are you hoping to get from it? Is it really about friendship, or do either -- or both -- of you hope for something more? That's the real issue here.
Whether or not his request is reasonable depends on your motives. If you dated your ex from age 5 to 20 and still care for him and want to keep in touch in a platonic way, there's nothing wrong with that and your boyfriend is being a dink. But if there's more to it, then obviously you have a problem. You really need to think about your motives and be honest with yourself. You might also ask yourself how you'd feel if the tables were turned and he was keeping up with old girlfriends and didn't want to drop them even though it troubled you.
Really, though, does it even matter if his request is reasonable or not? Isn't love sometimes about sacrifice, or doing something our partner wants us to do, even if it's unreasonable, simply because they want us to do it? I think it is. If these sorts of demands from him are par for the course, that's a problem, and I agree that you should stand your ground. But if not, why not do what he wants this time? Why not choose him over your ex? Or over your own pride or stubbornness?
Yes, his methods are absolutely deplorable -- threats are lame, ultimatums ineffective. It's not a good sign for the future of your relationship, frankly, and something you need to discuss. But the old saw about choosing your battles comes to mind, and keeping an ex as a Facebook friend doesn't seem to me like one worth fighting.
I could be wrong, though. There's a first for everything.
Another option is to let your boyfriend friend your ex as well. With any luck, they'll become best buds!
The above advice comes with a 50% horrendous backfire guarantee!
According to my life, it looks more like 100% backfire. But statistically speaking I am a twit.
Good answer, Cary. It sounds like the current boyfriend needs some reassurance that he's really the one she wants, but getting that reassurance as a result of a threat doesn't seem like the best route to go with that to me. A good heart to heart discussion may be in order to establish what they both want and need and what their priorities are. After the discussion, perhaps her decision about what to do about her ex will be easier.
That was a FANTASTIC answer. I think she should absolutely defriend the ex. I've been in current boyfriend's shoes once and his instincts are probably spot on, though it's true he's not approaching it very well.
If I had a boyfriend who asked me to remove an ex, I would... but I would be reluctant to do so. Why? Because the ex will tell someone about it, and then I'd be the girl who deleted her ex.
That is a stupid reason, of course, but let's face it, it's a social networking site. Not only does the poster have her ex, she probably has some of HIS friends as friends as well, maybe even his brother or sister (probably none of whom she talks to but very rarely). So this simple act of de-friending an ex turns into something bigger, and all eyes are on her. There is a loss of face in an act like that, which is probably why she doesn't want to do it. It's fine to say that you are willing to sacrifice your ex for your boyfriend, but no one wants to look ridiculous in the eyes of others.
This is the perfect example of how "hell is other people."
Which is exactly why everyone should quit facebook, tell everyone else to go to hell, and start sitting in cafes pondering the anguish of your own freedom. (Probably should take up wearing black and smoking too).
Soo. . I think this answer is so wrong. Why is he worried about you being friends with someone on Facebook for? It's Facebook not booty call dot com!! Sounds to me like your guy has horrible insecurites that need to be addressed within the relationship. Obviously he doesn't take your relationship that seriously or he wouldn't want to end it over something so STUPID!!
I am friends with most of my ex's on Facebook. Just because you are friends and still talk doesn't mean you want to still have sex with him or whatnot. They are your ex's for a reason. It didn't work out in a relationship, but maybe that's because you were meant to be JUST friends. I would never give up a friend just because someone I dated wanted me to. Screw that. You either trust the person, or you don't. You have to give up a friend, whats the next thing you're gonna have to give up?
well actualy just do what you think its best and what will move you foward and get you what you want but remenber it all takes time!!!
The moment Facebook enters in to a relationship is the moment that relationship becomes doomed. DOOMED, I TELL YOU. My girlfriend actually got mad at me for not posting enough "cute things" on her wall. I suppose that probably translates to some real life problem she was hinting at, but I still think my commitment to a relationship should not be judged based on my social networking activity.
Also the idea that a relationship isn't "legit" until it's listen on Facebook is just silly. Plenty of hookups and one-week relationships (the very same that abuse the word "love") appear on Facebook only to be shamefully taken down and deleted as quietly as possible.
I had a situation with my current boyfriend when we first started dating. I don't care who he was friends with on Facebook, but that annoying little thing of how you know the person got to me when I saw that a girl he had just hooked up with right before we started dating actually stated that information under the how you know this person tab. It made me feel uncomfortable that all his friends and family could willingly see this information I just asked that he take that little tidbit down and he did. I would do the same for him, but I don't think I would have posted it in the first place. If there are no feelings in place for this ex then it shouldn't make a difference to you or him.
it depends on the guy, some are jelous to the point of no return. some dont have any insecurities.. i have to say reasure ur man he has nothing to worry about because you love him and the x is just the x, if kids are involved the story is different if not i guess there is no need for the friendshp anymore. you weigh it out !! good luck. ;)
I had a very similar experience involving my boyfriend and HIS ex on facebook. I didn't mind when he friended her because I know he is faithful and loves me. The problem came when he started talking to her a LOT, and was a bit sneaky about it. Nothing was really wrong with what he was doing, but I could tell she still wanted him, and the whole thing made me uncomfortable. It was at its worst when I found out he hadn't even told her he was with me. I tried talking to him about it, and I thought he was going to delete her....but he didn't, and I tried talking again and he got angry with me for wanting him to stop contacting her. THAT is where the real problem began. The real fight came from him deciding that this girl he claimed he didn't care about anymore was worth fighting over. Nothing he had done was offensive to me until he started to take another girl's side in a fight. He is overly prideful and stubborn, but he was sorry in the end and did stop talking to her.
The point is, you have to ask yourself who is more important; your boyfriend, or your ex. If you would rather be single and talk to your ex on facebook, you can do that.
I saw if you want total commitment in your relationship, it starts with you. If you're holding on to an old love, then you haven't fully given everything to the current relationship. Now if the current relationship is just a starter, that's normal, but if it's true love, can the old loves, they're not worth mixing into true love in any way shape or form.
It's a statement to yourself more than a statement to your partner.
What about friends with a baby daddy, is that acceptable?
My girlfriend was cheating on me during the summer with a guy. I found out, they broke up and she hadn't talked to him. 2 days ago, she accepted his friend request on facebook. She says she doesn't want to communicate with him, but, why didn't she just ignore his request? She knows I despise the guy because of what happened during the summer. She knows I had told her not to talk to him again. Now she starts up communication again, and won't defriend him. She lied to me during the summer about him saying he was just a friend. Now she says the same thing... he is just a friend. I know I am jealous, but given their history together, I'm worried that she friended him. He knows about me (he didn't during the summer), so I'm worried he is trying to get back together with her -- why would he friend her? Why would she accept when she knew I asked her not to talk to him again? By the way, this other guy is also married. It seems if you love somebody, and given the history, if she loved me she would ignore him. Now I'm stuck having to blindly trust her again, which is hard since she is ignoring my request, even though I asked nicely and didn't give an ultimatum, and gave her simple reasonable reasons why I would ask it.
Simply, if you love him, and this is a simple request, defriend him for peace in the relationship, and for his peace of mind. Otherwise, it will lead to distrust and wonder if you or him are trying to restore the relationship. I know I am going crazy right now over it.