I commend you for your honesty. This is one time where you don't want to adhere to the lovely motto: What would Jesus do? Jesus lived in a time and place where razor blades, Brazilians and Paris Hilton X rated videos were still millennia away. What passed for fabulous and fashionable in those days isn't at the top of the sexy charts in 2011.
I'm also curious about what your man meant with his "eh." Since your question wasn't delivered as an audible message to me I don't know if the "eh" means:
Babe, how should I know I'm also virgin (he loves Jesus),
Babe, figure it out yourself isn't it obvious?
Babe, I love you and your crotch any old way: Pharaoh (Yul Brenner) hairless or Moses (Charlton Heston) hairy.
I say forgo the bearded look and go clean. Your groom will likely dig the groom. I'm not saying you have to go hairless, but most women these days like to rock the cropped short triangle, or thin landing strip. Perhaps experiment in the months leading up to your special day and see what suits you. Nuptial Night you and your nethers will be ready to untie that old knot
Funny Guy
The comments section on this website is infuriating!
If he didn't make any positive noises when she asked him, he's probably either one of those guys who genuinely doesn't care, or he prefers women to look natural. He loves her, he's marrying her, and shaving off an inch of hair down there to "neaten up" will literally make no difference whatsoever to him, and it'll only give her something more to worry about.
Because shaving and plucking can make pimply and angry skin, which is NOT an issue you want to be concerned with on your wedding night. Even months in advance, hair can still be growing back a bit spiky instead of the lovely soft hair that she'll have now. Plus, if she hasn't wanted to do this for her, and he hasn't shown any interest whatsoever, then it's really just worrying what society thinks, and if there's one place you don't need to get inhibitions from the frequently wrong mass majority, it's in the bedroom on your wedding night. :)
I completely agree with Mouse and disagree with FG. Shaving is a huge commitment which you can't undo easily and which can have serious consequences that are far more unsightly than a little roughage. Until your betrothed expresses a strong opinion (one with which you agree by they way), let sleeping dogs lie.
I totally disagree with FG too on this. She's a virgin, and should be having fun, and not worrying about itchy ingrown hairs and razor burn! Plus, seeing as her husband's response was non-committal, it doesn't seem as if he is bothered by her being natural. At most I would suggest she trims the hair slightly shorter For a little boost of confidence. Anyway, men are far too busy revelling over a woman's vagina to care about it's hairdo.
How soon is very soon? If you want to shave - not for him but for you (since he doesn't sound like he cares, at all) - make sure you have at least a month or two to get used to it. It's really a pain in the butt at first, but eventually it's just like shaving anywhere else... except always go downwards, never against the grain, with really good cream like Skintimate (the sensitive skin version), use a nice razor with a bunch of blades, and then put lotion or some kind of soothing aloe gel on it.
You'll get used to it in a few weeks or a month. Just be careful, and don't keep going over the same skin; if the stubby or short hair wants to stay, leave it alone. One time I did it the morning before having sex and I kept trying to get every single hair... bad idea... salty sweat + tiny cuts + friction = OUCH!
It sounds like he doesn't care at all, though, so you shouldn't trouble yourself. : ) Good luck!
I'm a virgin too(whoo!), but I've been shaving for awhile just so I'll be comfortable in bathing suits, etc. Yeah, it really sucks. I have super sensitive skin, so I pretty much always get razor burn no matter what I do. But I've found that using a brand new razor with several blades and shaving with neosporin (or a generic) makes it a LOT better. Also, you can get some over the counter anti-bumps gel for the bikini line. :)
But it's still such a pain, I've been tying with the idea of trying getting it waxed.
But as the other commenters said, do what makes you feel comfortable. Your new hubby will probably be too excited about finally getting to do it to worry about your carpeting. ;P
From a mans perspective, we may not be committal when asked for many reasons, least of which is not caring. Usually we are smart and try to dodge telling you what you need to do/what we want you to do for you to be sexy to us. This was taught to us by some controlling insane women who was obviously not the love of our lives, but the behaviour sticks.
And even if he doesn't really think about it right now as he is a virgin I assume, he will after a while. What I suggest is, these things are not always for yourself, usually shaving or trimming is done for your partner. To clean up the area and make it look it's best for those other people seeing it. Like dressing really nice on a first date to make a good impression and then three months later you are in your sweats every time haha.
If you do some landscaping maybe it wouldn't be out of the question to suggest a bit of manscaping on his part. Not shaving bald or what not as I doubt you want to be with that, but some guys have a lot more going on down there, hair-wise, than their female counterparts. If you are being, dare I say, extra sexy for him, he should repay the favour a bit. There is nothing wrong with spicing it up even for the first time, even if he doesn't think about it right now, he will love it when the time comes. I promise.
Oh, and Funny Guy, I got your back. Male perspective for the win.
Well, when he decides to change his mind, they can have another conversation about it! If I were her, I really wouldn't go messing about down there in preparation for something like this, solely based on what she thinks he *might* be thinking.
Communication is key in a relationship, and if they're getting married, you'd think it would be great communication skills that they have. She has no indication he wants anything special down there, she's never been concerned with doing anything down there, so I just don't understand why she'd put herself through the stress!
And as for "repaying the favour", well let's see if it's considered a favour in the first place! She might want him (as I prefer my guys) to be natural too. You say that men have been influenced by the strong women in their lives, well I also think it's inevitable that to some degree people are also influenced by the media, and being told in no uncertain terms what is and what is not unattractive. We just don't know what he likes, and while I think it's lovely of her to consider it for him, if we don't have a definite answer and she's never wanted to do it for herself, then I think we chalk this one up to "the media image of women says you should, but why?" The majority of actual women, I reckon, would say don't give yourself the stress on your wedding night.
PS I really hate it when people use the word "clean it up". It might be neater, but it definitely 100% isn't cleaner. I rock a full natural look, and I'm a bit tired of slightly ignorant people thinking that it's dirty.
PPS Your "man's perspective" is no more useful here just because it comes from a man. The only man's opinion that matters here is her soon-to-be husbands. We're all just people in this, with sex and gender not making much difference, because what you like or what I like personally shouldn't affect her decision.
Mouse.....read what I wrote. Was half of it serious sounding to you? I literally wrote "male perspective for the win." I am a cop, and generally a very serious person at that. If you knew me your head would explode when you read that lol. I was just kidding around. If you every meet a person who seriously says something like "Male perspective for the win!" and means it, and is serious...just shake your head and wonder why god allowed this person to speak that way.
As for what that joke comment was meant to represent. All commenters were female before me coming from a female perspective. This women is obviously asking the question from a place of wanting to make the first time extra sexy for her soon to be husband. So, in that moment, my manhood is somewhat more along the lines of the question as she is trying to look sexy for him, not herself. It is a selfless act. My first time was with an all natural women, then once I got a few more girlfriends one was waxed. It is sexier, I am sorry to say. Plus it makes oral and such way more pleasant for the man. Though I am in my 20s as you suggest, but so is the person asking the question I would bet.
The times they are a'changin
*shrug* I don't know you from Adam. All I've got over the internet are your words, and the internet is filled with idiots who say exactly that sort of thing and mean it. My apologies.
And you can say "it's sexier", when what you mean is "it's sexier to me". People are very different, and in this situation, your opinion of what is sexy literally doesn't matter. Neither does mine. It's about what she likes, and what her man likes, and we don't know about either of those things. Making your view sound like every mans view is a bit dangerous. Sexy, to her fella, might be an all natural 70s bush or it might be completely shaved. We don't know, and our personal preferences or gender can't tell us what he or she likes best.
I'm bisexual, and I prefer giving oral sex to a woman when she looks natural. To me, that's what women look like. Baldness down there, I just find un-nerving. And neatened up just seems very fake, to me. So, you know, that's another thing that a lot of people will differ on.
I feel the need to address one more point. You seem to take issue with people saying 'cleaning it up' etc. It is a figure of speech. Just like being Clean Shaven for men. Is my face cleaner now that there is no hair? Probably not, no. But it is a figure of speech that has been used for decades at least, I am sure you have used it in reference to a mans face. You are now only taking issue with it as it is in reference to a vagina. People are not saying that it is cleaner, I doubt anyone responding thinks that a natural look makes a women dirty.
For a person who is complaining a lot about the perceptions of other people towards the natural look, you make a lot of judgments and broad statements towards those people who like shaved or waxed. Such as people who do it/like it are looking for sex, not love. Or that someone who likes a shaved or waxed downstairs is superficial. For someone who keeps posting about how peoples opinions differ, and that is fine, you sure take a lot of shots at those whose opinions differ from yours. I have not seen a single poster say that natural is gross or dirty or disgusting. or that people with natural hair don't care about their appearance or hygiene.
As a side note, I am not actually saying any of those examples as I do not agree with them. I am just illustrating the point that you are being very critical of the opinion that goes against your own while claiming injustice towards the respect of the natural look. It is a very backwards way of discussing something and shows a great deal of closed mindedness. I like most of what you post but your 'holier than thou' act is getting tiresome on this particular topic.
Not getting into an argument here, but just take a look at my language again. I don't say things like "if you shave, you're just after sex not love", that's you paraphrasing what I wrote. I use very non-specific language. I don't make blanket statements, I don't make assumptions, I use the phrases "most people" and "in my experience", because to say anything else would be ridiculous and, as you've pointed out, just as bad as a comment like "no one likes a bush".
It's all about the language you use. I have said what I prefer, and have made the point that just because it's popular, doesn't mean it should be what he does. I then gave some reasons as to why it's popular. That's not a holier than thou attitude, nor is it close-minded :D That's the last thing I am, and maybe you should look at your own MEN LIKE THIS AND WOMEN LIKE THIS blanket statements before using that as an insult to others. That's literally what being closed-minded is, as opposed to my method of saying, albeit firmly, what I personally like, and then accepting that many people like many things, for many reasons. That's pretty much the opposite of being closed-minded.
And incidentally, I don't say clean-shaven. I just say shaved, because that's what it is. As a previous language student, I'm just quite aware of the insidious ways that language can change perceptions.
shave. no one likes a bush.
Yes, sometimes they do! It's just trendy these days to wax and shave, but there are still a HELL of a lot of men (and women!) who prefer the au naturel look. In the nicest possible way, I can only assume you're in your twenties with that comment... :)
Dream on grandma! Contrary to your belief of increasing age = more hair, I am not in my twenties and I wouldn't even imagine not being groomed down there. I love taking care of myself and I love the feel of smooth skin that a wax delivers. Who gives a toot about what the media or my man thinks!
I'm 23! I just can't stand most of my generation, and I know a lot of younger people, when looking for sex not love, seem to prefer it because porn/media indoctrinate you as to how you should look. And I'm confused. Where did I say increasing age = more hair?
It is not cleaner, but if you prefer it, then fine. I don't. I'm a natural human woman, and this is how I like to look. And I've literally never had anyone say that they don't like it, or it grosses them out. Some people are surprised, but that's about it. I guess I just don't sleep with/date superficial people who would be bothered by that.
If the sex is good, who cares about what's between your legs? :D
You're "assumption" of that poster being in their twenties, would seem that you are assuming that anyone above twenty doesn't groom, therefore has more hair than those who do. I never said it was cleaner. Just because people have preferences and opinions does not necessarily mean they are "superficial". I like my coffee with milk, some people don't. If someone wants to wax or shave or go wild down there then thats their choice, despite age, despite porn, despite a man's opinion.
No, that conclusion doesn't follow on from that statement. :) What does follow is that younger people TEND to a) be more concerned with their appearances, and b) more superficial. It's a pack mentality issue, and the pervasive nature of media can't help but have an effect on people. I assumed the poster was younger because of the absolute way in which they spoke about hair preference, indicating a lack of experience. I'm not saying they're a virgin or anything, but the more sexual partners you have, the more you realise that there just isn't a normal, and anyone using language like "nobody likes a bush" is betraying their age with the naivity of the statement. I'm sure you'd agree that that statement isn't true, regardless of what you personally prefer.
I don't think those are unreasonable things to think - I spend most of my time with people my age, and yet I'm still proof that not all of us think that way. I just don't speak in absolutes. Look at my language. And yes, I am 23. (Despite the Sure... of your name) It doesn't bother me whether you believe me or not.
And I've already said multiple times that it's entirely up to the individual themselves. I don't debate that. Sometimes people choose it for themselves, and that's fine. In relation to this question, I said if she wants it, or wants to do it for him, then that's great. It's her choice, and I respect an individual decision. But you can't argue that the media and porn and everything else does try and make you think that fiddling with your lady parts is somehow better than leaving them alone. So, she needs to look at whether she's really doing it for him or because she somehow feels that she should because of outside pressures. That's all I'm saying. If I wanted to make erroneous conclusions about age and hair and all that, then I would have, but it's not only something that I don't think, it's also irrelevant.
I don't know if you've noticed, but my comments tend to ramble a bit :D If I wanted to say those things, I probably would.
Has anyone ever refused to go down on you because you're not bare? I was just wondering if people mind that... Of course, the person wouldn't be sucking on your hairy bits :-p (I think? haha)
I was with a guy when I was hairy and when I was waxed. He got... excited.... to see me after the waxing, but he never went down on me, hairy OR hairless. And c'mon, guys - you rarely wax! So why should we 'have to'? (though thankfully not all guys expect it!) It's expensive, sucks to maintain, and hurts like hell. Also, in general I just don't want hot wax near my ladyparts! I recently tried getting waxed and received a very painful first-degree burn. So I'm not going back to that. Instead, I use a personal trimmer to maintain, which doesn't really give me razor-bumps = ) Yay!
And to the people who believe that what's popular now doesn't affect our grooming preferences, I give you this quote: "Historically, pop culture and pornography didn’t encourage female porn stars or women in general to wax, shave, or Nair their pubic hair until the 1990s." (http://clutchmagonline.com/2011/02/bare-or-the-bush-off-with-the-pubic-hair/)
You are dead wrong. I know many guys (of all ages) who like it natural. They don't worry about it being clean or not, either. That's just silly, and, as Casey astutely points out about many of the comments, ignorant.
Anyone who says, "Guys like it ________" doesn't know what s/he's talking about. It's not a one-style-fits-all kind of thing. There is no "normal" or "most guys." Some like bald, some like hair, some like the landing strip (go figure). It's almost sad how many questions we get from women about what to do with your pubic hair. You worry too much about the little things. Do what you want--it's your body. If a guy flips out over your pubic grooming, something is wrong.
(That along the side is pretty unreadable, this is @Sure..., not Cary, who I entirely agree with :D)
No, that conclusion doesn't follow on from that statement. :) What does follow is that younger people TEND to a) be more concerned with their appearances, and b) more superficial. It's a pack mentality issue, and the pervasive nature of media can't help but have an effect on people. I assumed the poster was younger because of the absolute way in which they spoke about hair preference, indicating a lack of experience. I'm not saying they're a virgin or anything, but the more sexual partners you have, the more you realise that there just isn't a normal, and anyone using language like "nobody likes a bush" is betraying their age with the naivity of the statement. I'm sure you'd agree that that statement isn't true, regardless of what you personally prefer.
I don't think those are unreasonable things to think - I spend most of my time with people my age, and yet I'm still proof that not all of us think that way. I just don't speak in absolutes. Look at my language. And yes, I am 23. (Despite the Sure... of your name) It doesn't bother me whether you believe me or not.
And I've already said multiple times that it's entirely up to the individual themselves. I don't debate that. Sometimes people choose it for themselves, and that's fine. In relation to this question, I said if she wants it, or wants to do it for him, then that's great. It's her choice, and I respect an individual decision. But you can't argue that the media and porn and everything else does try and make you think that fiddling with your lady parts is somehow better than leaving them alone. So, she needs to look at whether she's really doing it for him or because she somehow feels that she should because of outside pressures. That's all I'm saying. If I wanted to make erroneous conclusions about age and hair and all that, then I would have, but it's not only something that I don't think, it's also irrelevant.
I don't know if you've noticed, but my comments tend to ramble a bit :D If I wanted to say those things, I probably would.
I'd say for a first time don't take too much out. Clean the sides, perhaps a little o, the lips, and it would be perfectly fine. You'll have a lifetime after this to try other ways to do it.
And DO NOT shave, but WAX. But not by yourself, go to a beauty institute. People there are of the best advice concerning this area and how to treat it not to have all the "problems" linked to such action, generally. They listen and care, and try to make you feel comfortable.
Wax is far better than shaving (at least to me, and ok, might hurt a little, but your skin and your hairs will thank you after that), and don't forget to scrub you once a week (in this zone and all your body) for a soft skin and to avoid being bothered by itches and little buttons that could appear while the hairs grow back.
Hope it helped.
Trim, at the very least. An electric shaver with add-ons to decide length is easiest. 1/4-1/2'', short, clean, no razor burns.
Does nobody WAX????? If you decide you want to groom, I would definitely recommend waxing. It looks good, it feels good and it lasts!! For me, shaving can be pretty hit or miss, and to be honest I think I did it a few times because I didn't have time to get waxed and instantly regretted it. For me anyway, everyone is different! You can get a pretty nasty regrowth, the hair usually grows back thicker (when you get waxed, if grows back softer) and it usually grows back pretty fast. I also find that you can get a shaving rash and more ingrown hairs with shaving. With waxing it is SO SMOOTH for weeks! When I had shaved down there, I was a bit concious of my man getting "stubble burn", because of the way the hair grows back. I know this sounds absurd but I feel way sexier down there when I have just get waxed. Sometimes if I remember I pop a couple of painkillers before I go, but if you get a good technician doing it - it shouldn't hurt that much. Trim a little before the appointment, tell them its your first time and could they remove the hair in smaller areas (it hurts less this way!). But honestly you will forget the pain as soon as get outside! I only ever remember the pain as soon as I get back in that waxing bed, ready for my next one and I'm like "oh yea, shit I forgot how much this hurts" but that stage it's too late to do anything about it! Don't forget to moisturize and exfoliate to prevent ingrowns.
It's actually a complete myth that shaving hair makes it grow back thicker, faster, or darker. It only appears that way because you're not pulling the entire hair out - you're just cutting it off in the middle. When you wax it seems to grow back finder because you're getting an entirely new hair, and the tips of new hair growths are thinner. Just wanted to clarify that = )
lmao at the ignorance on this post. genital shaving only became widespread in the 1980s because of PORN STARS...porn ladies shaved their junk to show more va jay jay on screen. people act like shaving your bits (legs, pits, or any other body part) is some inbred part of being a human when it's largely the media that influences everyone to do so.
dont get me wrong, i shave my legs and underarms and groom my naughty bits, but at least i dont operate under the delusion that its "cleaner" (if anything its less clean because the hair is there to ward off bacteria and protect you from infection). i do it (when i feel like it, at least) because thats societal expectations.
Oh my. I didn't realize this was such a heated subject!
I've decided to share with you generous souls a follow-up.
The "eh" from my fiance was more him being shy and not wanting to talk about it. But I forced the issue (cause I'm naggy like that [he likes it!]). The following exchange took place (with context clues to prevent confusion):
Me, clutching a plate of cookies: Sweetness, remember before, when I asked you about the hair in my lower regions?
Him, staring warily at the cookies, sensing a trap but not knowing how to get out: Yeesss...
Me: Well?
Him, turning red: Um, well what?
Me, also turning red: What would you prefer?
Him, mumbling: Naked.
Me: NO HAIR?!
Him: No! No clothes! (he then proceeded to grab the cookies and run. He's a smart man. That's why I'm marrying him.)
I think I'll manage.
Thank you everyone for your insights, it's truly been interesting learning about a subject I've never given much thought.
Christy
I like cookie context. :D
^_^ That's what most of us have been saying. He just wants you naked. He clearly loves you, and from the way you're talking about your relationship and him, it sounds like a great match.
Now that you've given him ample opportunity to make his feelings known, I really would just leave your *ahem* ladygarden alone. He might still secretly want that, but if he hasn't let you know, I don't think you should make any assumptions based on what some slightly ignorant or naive people will tell you is what "all men love". Plus, you know, there are issues of bristles, ingrown hairs, red stubbly bobbly bits, waxing pain, etc etc. I'm not saying never experiment, if you want to then go for it, but for your wedding night it's probably not something that should be stressing you out :)
I shaved down there once, for a man, and I never will again. I like my soft hair, not having to deal with spiky bits and uncomfortableness. In a purely practical sense, from the sex point of view, it also acts as a little bit of a cushion, to stop his wirier and coarser testosterone-man-hair from scratching you in unfortunate places. Most people get used to that, but again, for your wedding night, I say keep it all you. Congratulations, by the way!
PS I also love you a bit because you used square brackets in parentheses.
Thanks. I'm pretty sure I was worried about nothing. When I get stressed out, I tend to start focusing on the peripheral, rather than what's important. And so, for a whole two days, I was OBSESSED with this topic. I've since calmed down.
Thanks!
P.S. Doesn't everyone?
Christy
I wanna know what's wrong with keeping the bush??? LOL
I agree with a previous poster when they said that porn/media indoctrinates people into thinking how they should look.
My opinion to the virgin is this: do what YOU want to do. If he's a virgin too, he'll just be happy to have yours.
You're the boss of your underpants, do what you like! It sounds as if he will be fine with whatever you go with. Personally I could never understand why anyone would wish to wax such a sensitive area. I only shave the places that might stick out of a swim suit, which would be a bit unbecoming. Adult women are meant to have hair on our pubic area. If one wishes to shave theirs, however, it is none of my business.
"You're the boss of your underpants" is a fantastic sentence ^_^
I say go Au Naturale. You're a virgin- the time for experimenting comes later, when the novelty of sex has worn off (and it will). First priority is to be comfortable, and that's less likely when dealing with itchy stubble and insecurities over your lady parts.
You seem like a nice guy, Funny, but I think you hit the Fail on the head with that one.
In other words; When In Doubt, Grow It Out.
Very educating story, saved your site for hopes to read more! 195999