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Mystery Man

 
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I'm having the best sex of my life with a fwb, the problem is I got attached. I told him we should just remain friends, though I secretly want to get with him. Should I cut him off completely?

This is what always happens! Friends With Benefits situations, like the one you're in now, are always temporary. They either turn into relationships or turn into two people that hate each other.

Sex is a powerful thing. It can turn to love, or a reasonable facsimile of love, very easily. When that happens, people need to make some very quick decisions. For you, and folks in your position, here are the questions that you need to answer:

-Would he be a good boyfriend?
-Would you be a good girlfriend?
-Do you two have anything else in common besides good sex?
-Do you both have time for an actual relationship?
-Do you think he likes you?

You're going to need more Yes answers than No answers for this to become a relationship. So figure those things out before you decide to just cut him off completely. Because if you like him, he likes you, and you both want to give this a real shot, you owe it to yourself to try.

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3 Comments

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Just my two cents: I disagree that the fwb arrangement has to end in either wedding bells or the Hatfields vs. the McCoys (lol, okay, exaggeration, but you get it). The trick just happens to be that you need to maintain a very healthy emotional distance, which is extremely rare when it comes to these things.

OP would have to clarify whether her buddy is an actual friend or just a guy with whom she happens to have a sexual arrangement. Personally, I've been able to manage the latter; the former, not so much.

user-pic

I also disagree that fwb arrangements absolutely always end in either relationships or hatred. My last one ended with us going back to being normal friends, with barely a whisper of awkwardness. The secret is to focus on all the reasons you DO NOT want to actually date the person, so that whenever you start daydreaming about how much fun you have with him and you wish it could be more, you realize that you don't actually want it to be more and you're happy as is. Love them as a friend, sure, love the sex, sure, but you realize that it's not going any farther because you aren't cut out to be bf-gf and so kind of keep yourself from "falling in love."

However, if you realize that you actually would make a good couple, then good luck not falling for him. If that's the case and you do start "catching feelings," time for a chat with the guy.

EllzBellz

I agree with MM. These types of relationships cannot be maintained. They either provoke feelings of love or resentment. You've no way to guess what the other person is thinking or feeling and visa versa. The subject of feeling and emotions have been written off at an early stage its too difficult to communicate. Wires will be cross and feelings crushed.

In my opinion/experience/observations anyway

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