I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I'm prone to believe that birds of a feather flock together. Do you realize how hard it is to not engage in inappropriate behavior when you're around people going hogwild? Even if you were never the "liberal" person in the group, you are likely to do a little something.
There's a reason why a lot of guys who get into relationships cut back certain friendships, especially with their friends who notoriously do dirt. And it might not even be something that he verbalizes. I've done it. I have friends I took a few steps away from and whenever my girl would ask me what he was up to, "oh, he's chillin. But he stays busy, so I can't really catch up with him."
I mean, you don't want to sell your boys out. Now, in your case, your dude is telling you that his boys suck, and is STILL going to hang with them, you can be pretty safe to assume that he's engaging, in some way shape or form, in those activities, even if he denies it.
Take champagne room strip clubs for instance, a common locale for non-trustworthy dudes (yeah, I know I just contradicted something I've written prior, but just because you're there doesn't meant your cheating, however if you are cheating, I wouldn't be surprised to find you at a strip club), if your man is with a bunch of dudes getting the VIP treatment, are we to believe he's just going to sit out front doing Sudoku in the car while his boys are getting lapdance loving?
No.
I think that you'd be well within your rights to ask him to stop hanging with the friends that do dirt because let's say he's NOT doing anything, the temptation has to be killing him. And why put yourself in a position to mess up. Go hang with your boys that play Scrabble.
It was written.
That sucks ;( now I know whats up thanks for the advice. Im riding solo from now on.
That sucks ;( now I know some thruth. Time to ride solo :) Thanx ...
Though I believe in the "birds of a feather" saying I always wonder why is it always applied to the bad?Lets say question askers boyfriend is hanging with the dudes one night & drunk dude #1 says "hey guys lets go see some titties & ish!!" but then question askers bf says "lets just go to bible study instead." & THEN THEY ALL SKIP OFF MERRILY INTO TEMPLE!!.... I promise this is my last drink cuz that was just retarded.CARRY ON PANAMA!your answer was way better than mine.
While I think your answer is plausible, I don't think it's totally correct (then again, is there any form of correctness, really?). A person can be friends with someone and respect their differences while not engaging in certain behaviors themselves. I don't always agree with the choices my friends make, but that doesn't mean I stop being friends with them. This guy could be the quiet guy sitting back thinking of how ridiculous his friends' actions are. I've known plenty of friends who have cheated on boyfriends, but just because they're out scamming on dudes in the club doesn't mean I'm trying to pick up guys, too. I think it all comes down to the individual. Maybe you have to ask yourself the question, why do you have these trust issues? Is it something he's done? If he's cheated before, I'd say your issues are validated. However, if your issues lie in yourself or with someone who has wronged you in the past that is not him, I would suggest not punishing him for your issue. That's something you have to work out yourself. If your man is telling you about his friends and their dumb choices, I think its probably a good sign. He could have just totally kept that part of his friendship with them from you all together. The fact he told you, to me, seems like he wants you to see how great of a dude he is to not be doing what his friends are. However, if you have trust issues, you probably should "fly solo" anyway until you overcome it, because let's say he's not cheating and really is a stand-up guy... you're probably stressing him out BADLY. Relationships, especially strong ones, can overcome a lot of things, but lack of trust is never one of them.
I was going to try and answer but yours is better.
I agree with Panama (is that your real name? for real?)
"if your man is with a bunch of dudes getting the VIP treatment, are we to believe he's just going to sit out front doing Sudoku in the car while his boys are getting lapdance loving?" SOOOOO TRUE
But I agree with IrishRugby2, because the asker didn't specify what the boyfriend was doing with said friends. I know friends that has cheated on their men, I never stopped talking to them. Just because I think it's wrong don't mean i have to engage.
I have different types of friends, people who smoke, drink, study, do drugs, go to clubs, cheat, are gay, and funny how I don't and have done none of the before mentioned and I'm NOT tempted in the least. If the boyfriend is telling you about it rather than say, "Hey I'm ganna go play scrabble with the fellas, check ya lata" but is actually at a strip club, I'd worry about that!
Friends don't always do what their friends do, I can attest to that. If you have a problem with his fool friends, you should TALK not Yell with him. Let him know you trust him but it bothers you anyway. Don't get mad if he tells you no, he's a grown man just as you are a woman. He can chill with whom he pleases, you ganna have to trust him or step.
I really don't think I'm the exception so I assume there are others who think what I think.