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I'm in a long distance relationship for 3 mo. Is it weird that he only likes to gchat and not talk on phone? Also he's only ever available during his work hours. I'm thinking maybe I'm a distraction for him rather than a relationship? Which would be terrible since I like him so much.

Hate to tell you that you're right, but you probably are. You might be a distraction for him from his real life with a wife and children or something. Some guys just suck on the phone but still, not being willing to ever talk on the phone? That's a major red-flag. But the most flashingest red flag is his availability only during work hours.

That's a no-no.

That means that from the time he gets off of work until the time he gets back to work he's out doing whatever he wants with who ever he wants and you can't reach him. That's not a relationship. You're Gchat buddies. If you're in a relationship, there are certain demands you can make and phone time is a definite. But the ability to talk to somebody outside of work hours is a regular, standard, status quo part of any relationship.

So yes it's weird. It's all weird. I understand that you like him, but you need to let him know that he's being very unfair to you. And that's a convo you need to have via phone. Not on gchat.

Tell him Panama said so.

Oh, and he knows all of this by the way. I'm guessing he was just going to attempt to get away with whatever he could for as long as he could.

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3 Comments

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I dated a guy for years and we only spoke on Skype or AIM. Granted, his phone situation was really unfortunate, but still, after all I've read on here, I'm starting to believe that guys will go the extra mile if they want to make it work. That being said, does he have roommates or something? NEVER talking on the phone or at least through Skype phone is a bit... odd. Mention visiting, see what happens and take your cue from there. Best wishes!

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But if she asks him all these things, wont he thing she's overly demanding?

Faye C

I'm in a long-distance relationship myself and it has been about 4 months. It's easy to think you are only a distraction given that he only has limited time interacting with you.

Although I could say I sometimes question if my boyfriend really has time for a relationship, it's the effort he still puts in despite his busy schedule that makes me hold on.

My boyfriend and I IM every night, and because of the kind of work he does, I've learned to step back and give him some time to work things out in the office before conversing with me. I can call him or text him anytime I want, and he knows he can do the same, but still, we're both busy people and I suppose it helps our relationship because we're on the same page.

As long as I know there's no reason for me to distrust him (and trust goes both ways) then I'm fine. Also, when we see each other, we make sure we make up for everything: time, affection, updates, and everything else on a couple's plate, which in the end makes everything worthwhile.

Ask yourself, how much of yourself do you put into this relationship and how much does he do in return? What exactly is his career and how much time does he need in order to focus on it? Can you handle this kind of set up for another month or so, or do you think you really deserve more? Also, communicate with him, and by that, I mean, ask questions why you can't talk to him outside of work. If he gets all defensive and worked up, well, girl, you know what to do. Can't waste your time who thinks of you as some sort of past time.

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