I don't understand why he'd be opposed to getting a test. Granted, getting tested for garden variety crotch critters and the Big A can be nerve wracking. But, like, dude needs to screw his balls on. Yes, getting blood drawn can be scawwy. Tell him you'll buy him an ice cream cone after, with big boy scoops.
Better to know if you're dick is broke or not. And then there's the added incentive that sex without a condom increases intimacy. Which is a polite way of saying, it feels so much better. There's nothing like wrapping skin with skin. This prospect should motivate the lazy and the cowardly alike.
To be bluntly honest, this is the way all of my long term relationships have worked. Being a raving paranoid who doesn't want a pubic plague or a tiny person who poos in a bag in his life, I always wear a condom. Once I commit, however, I usually continue using said rubber for at least six months, at which point, I have the "birth control" conversation. Being the consummate gentleman, I usually offer to split the cost of the pill, or offer to buy monthly dinners at places that don't offer sporks. If we both decide that she should go on the pill, then it's off to get tested. Done and done. Let me add: we BOTH get tested.
It's worth it. For peace of mind. And because lovemaking is just so much more magical when it's messy.
The key is for BOTH of you to get tested. It's unfair of you to ask him to do something you wouldn't do also.
Guys will always jump at the opportunity to not use a condom haha. Plus, isn't everyone getting tested at least every 6 months to a year? Well they should be. It shouldn't be some novel thing to get tested. I make my men get tested for me, and that's the only way I'll be having it if we decide to no longer use condoms. As long as you present as like a "we can have sex wherever and whenever we want without worrying about condoms and it'll feel so good as long as you do this little tiny thing with me that you do at the doctors anyway...". Honestly, this is a clear example of why the public needs to be better educated about sex. I learned in my sex class how to bring up the topic of getting tested for each other....and uh, lots of other things ;) It's really a shame that this question is being asked in the first place. Of course its fine to ask him! Really, if a guy declined after being asked that's really a very bad sign.
I'm in a relationship where I've known him for 6 months and flirting has led to dating. I asked him to get an STD test, and I volunteered to get one even though I had only had one partner since I was last tested and we used a condom. I am getting an IUD because I was planning on it as a back-up method anyway, and the doc wouldn't put it in without a full STD test. My man came with me to the STD test and consult (he volunteered) and asked if he could come with me to the appointment where I get the IUD inserted. It's been several weeks of scheduling appointments and such to get it all sorted out, and we've used a condom. The IUD goes in tomorrow, and it's nice to know we're both clean, monogamous, and able to have the condom-free intimacy. It actually made us both feel closer and more trusting because we could have these conversations and because we were both committed to the other one's health, safety, and birth control choices.
Sounds like a keeper to me! You are very lucky to have someone so supportive that really adores you to these levels. I wish you two all the best!
The only thing I'd add is that in another comment from another post, there was the question of the HPV virus that causes cervical cancer. The poster said that they can't test men for that. I mentioned it to my man and he offered to check with the two partners he'd had over the past 12 years to see if it had come up in their regular paps. I was satisfied and very impressed. He gave me no pushback about this issue at all, and I didn't give any to him. If I had gotten any pushback, I wouldn't have trusted him.
I was the one who posted that, HPV can stay dormant in your system. He can check back all he wants. My sister who has been married to the same man for the past 15 years had to have cancer cells removed from her cervix.Unless you are both virgins, your chances for avoiding it are very slim. The doc explained that you could be healthy for years, but hpv can attack your system at any time.
My sister is healthy and cancer free , but now she is infertile (which is alright, considering she already has 3 kids, but imagine being younger and getting diagnosed with cervical cancer) Which is why you want ANNUAL testing. I dont care what some gyno's say about "Oh you only have to do this once every three". After my sister nearly having cancer( she was one level away from having cancer, I stand corrected) , I have my pap done yearly.
I think, as long as you use some caution you'll be fine. Dental dams, condoms, and a physical once a year to make sure you're healthy.
Perfect! Perfect! Perfect! You are indeed a consummate gentleman! If I weren't married...
Oh Devore, between here and the Frisky, I totally love you haha. I have had some awesome guys but they've never offered to help pay for BC. But then again, they usually did pick up the tab on other things.
And as far as HPV goes, it's a sneaky little f-er. Even USING condoms you can get it. There's some crazy stat I read from a reliable site that stated about 75% of people will have it in their life time. I think it was even more, but you get the gist. Everyone who is sexually active that has been with more than one person basically. And while having guys ask their past girls is a sweet gesture, there's no way to know for sure. And you may already have it if you didn't know you could get it using condoms anyway.
I had it, none of those nasty warts THANK SWEET JESUS, and it never effected me negatively except for worrying that it might lead to cancer. Thankfully, it went away on its own, like most cases do.
Just make sure that you are aware of the risks of contraception and its side effects. They can be anything from inconvenient to deadly. And never let a guy tell you to go on birth control. Contraception does exists for men. If it's unfair to ask someone to do something that you wouldn't also do (and it is), then a man should at least look into getting the shot himself before he even broaches the subject (looking at you, DeVore).
What a lovely day for a 623974! SCK was here
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